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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does my DH want me to look ugly

155 replies

BestLeftAnonymous · 27/08/2024 20:28

I had to create an anonymous account for this post. I am by no means a supermodel and have always preferred comfort over style. I do not want to look unattractive, but cannot be bothered waking up earlier every morning just to look perfect. I do not wear much makeup, keep my hair short and avoid spending a fortune on clothes.

My husband has supported how I look and thinks many women spend way too much time on their appearance. He has always preferred my hair short and out of the way and has no issue with my body type (not skinny and has gotten fuller over time). He also tends to complain if I take too long getting ready. I never found this all that unusual.

I recently brought this up to a friend and mentioned how my DH likes my hair better cropped short. She found that odd and sort of implied that she thinks my DH wants me to look less attractive to other. I know she was not saying this to be unkind, but was still put off by it.

OP posts:
Springadorable · 27/08/2024 20:30

Not sure which way your vote goes, but I've put yabu for listening to your friend and letting her get in your head when you're happy with how you dress and do your hair.

Rocknrollstar · 27/08/2024 20:32

I suspect your DH is like mine. He rarely comments on how I look and really doesn’t care what I wear. He loves me just as much, whatever. However if he ever says he doesn’t like something I get rid of it immediately. It’s happened probably 5 times in 50 years. I don’t think your friend understands your relationship or your DH. She might even be jealous

user1471538275 · 27/08/2024 20:35

Your friend is jealous that your husband loves you as you are, without you having to conform to specific feminine ideals.

Lucky you, miserable her.

Disturbia81 · 27/08/2024 20:37

user1471538275 · 27/08/2024 20:35

Your friend is jealous that your husband loves you as you are, without you having to conform to specific feminine ideals.

Lucky you, miserable her.

This

How shitty for her to think cropped hair = ugly

Skyrainlight · 27/08/2024 20:37

Your friend sounds odd. Some guys prefer short hair. My husband preferred my hair short, but I find it easier to deal with when it's long, so I have long hair.

AmiablePedant · 27/08/2024 20:39

There is a crazy amount of prejudice out there of late against short hair, but there are so many elegant short hair styles (and short hair is so much better on older woman that the witchy woman aged flower child look). (And easier to care for.) Some women have, alas, internalized the idea that only long flowing locks are pretty. Your friend has rather limited taste! Paradoxically, the Olden Days were more broadminded about this--look at Audrey Hepburn's lovely short, simple hairstyles!

Myfavouriteflowers · 27/08/2024 20:44

I think your friend was being really unpleasant and catty.

SHE obviously thinks long hair is the only attractive hair but that doesn't mean to say every body else does. Everyone is different and has different views on attractiveness.

It does sound as though she is perhaps jealous of your relationship with your DH. That you gel with him and both of you are happy with your effortless style. Perhaps she feels she needs to put a lot of time and effort into her own appearance to feel her partner finds her attractive.

Don't give her comment another thought.

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 27/08/2024 20:51

Without knowing him there is no way people can answer this. You will have to talk to him about it. Does he find long hair attractive in other women ? If yes then Why does he want you to have short hair. You should ask these questions.

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 27/08/2024 20:51

DH has always preferred mine short - it was short when we met. He just thinks it suits me. He says (after i cut it again) it's just a bit boring when i grow it Grin

But lots of people are weird about women having short hair . I don't give a shit, frankly

Winrus · 27/08/2024 20:53

Yabu to think having short hair and wearing little makeup makes you ugly.

EvilNextDoor · 27/08/2024 20:55

my husband doesn’t care what I look like mainly a bloody mess at the moment

My husband like long hair, I keep my hair long ish - at the same time he wouldn’t care if I cut it off

your friend sounds weird

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/08/2024 20:55

Don't listen to your friend - she is either just stirring or has issues about self acceptance or short hair or something else that is also not your problem.

Comedycook · 27/08/2024 20:57

My husband has supported how I look and thinks many women spend way too much time on their appearance

I find this just as misogynistic as men who think women should be done up at all times...

StormingNorman · 27/08/2024 20:57

Ignore your friend.

Haveanaiceday · 27/08/2024 20:59

What types of women does your DH consider attractive in general? On TV and so on?

RickiRaccoon · 27/08/2024 21:11

I think your friend is being rude! Short hair certainly does not mean ugly though I did see something suggesting women were generally considered more attractive with longer hair. My mother has always had short hair and I think my father has always preferred short hair for this reason and thinks more women should have short hair.

candlewhickgreen · 27/08/2024 21:15

Why does it matter what she thinks? You are happy with your hair, your husband loves you as you are. Don't give this headspace.

eeeeeeeee · 27/08/2024 21:18

To be honest I think you and your partner’s approach is weird. Do what you want, but why do you have to put other people down? Frankly the best partners are the ones who make you feel attractive and appreciate any effort you put in, not get pissy with you for apparently taking too long to get ready.

TeaGinandFags · 27/08/2024 21:21

If you're happy with your look, keep it.

If you're not, change it.

Your husband seems to love you; not your look. (In a good way.)

Try a change for fun. Glam up and see how he reacts. (If he doesn't notice, you're legally allowed to clump him.) He may like it. Get him dolled up and go out.

Ignore your jealous 'friend'.

Original poster
BestLeftAnonymous · 27/08/2024 21:25

user1471538275 · 27/08/2024 20:35

Your friend is jealous that your husband loves you as you are, without you having to conform to specific feminine ideals.

Lucky you, miserable her.

She really was not trying to be mean or start trouble. If I thought she was, I would have just dismissed the comment.

OP posts:
Original poster
BestLeftAnonymous · 27/08/2024 21:28

Skyrainlight · 27/08/2024 20:37

Your friend sounds odd. Some guys prefer short hair. My husband preferred my hair short, but I find it easier to deal with when it's long, so I have long hair.

I am glad my husband is good with my hair being short. I would not grow it long even if he liked it that way. I find so long as I keep up frequent cuts, my hair is easy to manage short. Once it starts to grow out it is not fun.

OP posts:
rosafranks · 27/08/2024 21:28

“He has always preferred my hair short and out of the way”

I don’t get this part. Short or long, whatever but out of the way? What does that even mean? Surely hair being in the way is something only relevant to the person whose hair it is.

And I’ve also never understood this (and I’ve seen it said a lot on here) about can’t be bothered to get up earlier to do makeup. My daily work makeup is minimal and takes all of 5 minutes. But makeup is personal preference and you should wear how little or how much you want - not how much/little your partner wants you to wear.

Escaperoom · 27/08/2024 21:31

Some people just really suit short hair

godmum56 · 27/08/2024 21:33

Make up was one of the things my late DH agreed on from the word go. I hated wearing it and he didn't find it attractive.

biscuitandcake · 27/08/2024 21:35

It sounds like your friend is basically saying you don't look attractive with short hair. Actually she is taking it as given that you both think this. I would think "cheeky mare" and then waste no more thought on it. The only thing worth considering is the conversation just before - when you say "I recently brought this up to a friend and mentioned how my DH likes my hair better cropped short" how did that actually come up in the conversation. Were you talking about it in a "me and my husband are so great" kind of way, or as a comparison to something she had said about herself (feeling insecure, DP not liking her hairstyle, taking a while to get ready). Even if what you said was innocent could it have been taken that way by her? Because that could explain why she made a sarky comment back.
Either way, it really isn't about your husband.