Does my DH want me to look ugly

[BestLeftAnonymous]

I had to create an anonymous account for this post. I am by no means a supermodel and have always preferred comfort over style. I do not want to look unattractive, but cannot be bothered waking up earlier every morning just to look perfect. I do not wear much makeup, keep my hair short and avoid spending a fortune on clothes.

My husband has supported how I look and thinks many women spend way too much time on their appearance. He has always preferred my hair short and out of the way and has no issue with my body type (not skinny and has gotten fuller over time). He also tends to complain if I take too long getting ready. I never found this all that unusual.

I recently brought this up to a friend and mentioned how my DH likes my hair better cropped short. She found that odd and sort of implied that she thinks my DH wants me to look less attractive to other. I know she was not saying this to be unkind, but was still put off by it.

I don't know he needs to comment about other womans appearance or routine, I don't know why he'd complain about you spending time on getting ready (within the norm, doesn't sound like you'd take excessive time anyway ). I don't know what that's about other than putting other woman down, not allowing you to do what you want grooming wise. So I can see why your friend may have made the comment.

I do think most men these days find longer hair more attractive. I am glad my husband feels otherwise and I hope he finds it attractive.

I think if you don't regularly wear makeup it takes longer to do.

I have hair that won’t grow very long,just one of those things

Sounds like your DH likes you the way you are. Your friend would be correct if he was preventing you from doing anything but he’s not. I get annoyed if Dh takes ages getting ready as well if I’m waiting to leave, I think thats normal.

My sister has a shaved head never wears make-up never as and lives in leggings a t-shirts and trainers sometimes clogs.
Her partner adores her he loves her for her they have been together for years.

My husband prefers my hair short because he thinks it's hot. But the important thing is whether the person with the hair likes it!

But some people do look better with short hair! A friend always had hers in a shoulder length bob which was fine, then one day she got a sort of pixie cut and it was WOW!

Your friend thinks shorter hair is less attractive than longer hair. That’s just her opinion and not everyone else’s opinion

I also have a dp who likes short hair and no make up, unless he's been lying to me for 20 years 😂honestly your friend probably just needs to understand we don't all like the same things

Voting was unclear, but this.

My dad always thought short hair looked nicer than long on both sexes, loved it that my mum liked having short hair, and often tried to convince me to have mine short too. It's just a matter of personal taste. I'd be concerned if he was trying to make you have short hair against your will, but if you like it and he likes it, be happy - it's none of anyone else's business.

No way of knowing without more info.

A very good friend reluctantly sharing her observations, maybe she has a point?
A friend who has always been a bit jealous/rude/unkind/insecure, maybe not.

I have a friend whose partner tells her he doesn't care about her appearance but has recently slipped up in saying that he wants her to be looked at less by other men. I've suspected this for a while, would I ever tell her, no? Not enough evidence and gut feeling.

I've got another friend whose ex used to covertly put her down frequently and try control her clothing to be sexier. She's typically glamorous/pretty anyway but he made her feel dowdy and ugly.

These behaviours from men aren't that uncommon. Only you know.

It is good to hear that my DH is not the only one who likes short hair. I feel like I am in the minority these days.

@BestLeftAnonymous

i thought this too. In the way of what, OP?

You sound a lot like me. My late DH adored me for the life we led together, ready for anything, having fun and being active, without worrying about ruining my hair or if my shoes were inappropriate.

I bet you have a great marriage with a DH who loves you for you and your friend is a tiny bit jealous.

My husband loves my short hair. In fact he runs the clippers over it when it needs doing.

He's always preferred my hair short because genuinely it suits me really well and he knows it makes me happy. However he never said he didn't like my hair when I grew it out because it's my hair after all.

My daughters are unusual I think in their age group for having relatively short hair. They have what suits them and what makes them happy.

Just because someone says something does not make it true, you are an adult so to be really blunt think like one

I wonder if your look is extreme and your pal is giving you a gentle nudge that you look oddly frumpy

Post a pic OP

To answer the comments above, I am not great with make up and find it takes me ages to do a decent job. I will use a little and that does not take long.

My comment about my hair being "out of the way" just meant being easy and not it my face (or his face).

@BestLeftAnonymous

what would you say/do if your husband said he wanted you to stop wearing makeup full stop OP?

It's impossible for us to know... only you can get a sense for the intentions of your friend and DH.

Some men DO actively want their partner to be what they deem as less attractive. They encourage them to put on weight or change their habits in regards to clothes and makeup.

This is an abusive control tactic to beat the woman's self esteem down so she doesn't have the confidence to leave or call out bad behaviour.

Alternatively, some men absolutely adore short hair, no makeup, no shaving, and whatever else you can think of.

The beauty of humans is that we are unique and colourful and we all find different things hot.

If you think your DH has good intentions then I would relax and not give your friend's comment a second thought.

I will add though that sometimes our friends can see something from the outside looking in, that we have become blind to.
I've experienced this and didn't listen to her, but it turned out she was right and I realised years later.

Side note, and possibly irrational, but I find it such an ick when men 'prefer' long hair. Who asked you dumbass. Big babies. We do our hair for ourselves and other women, as it should be.

My ex wanted me to be unattractive as part of his abusive manipulating ways. It started with 'you don't need makeup' 'why are you wearing makeup' 'well who are you trying to impress' 'I don't like you wearing make up' until I never wore it and felt shit about myself so unless dh literally tells you he doesn't like your hair/makeup/body and tells you what you can and cannot wear it is definitely a friend problem