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Original poster

Does my DH want me to look ugly

155 replies

BestLeftAnonymous · 27/08/2024 20:28

I had to create an anonymous account for this post. I am by no means a supermodel and have always preferred comfort over style. I do not want to look unattractive, but cannot be bothered waking up earlier every morning just to look perfect. I do not wear much makeup, keep my hair short and avoid spending a fortune on clothes.

My husband has supported how I look and thinks many women spend way too much time on their appearance. He has always preferred my hair short and out of the way and has no issue with my body type (not skinny and has gotten fuller over time). He also tends to complain if I take too long getting ready. I never found this all that unusual.

I recently brought this up to a friend and mentioned how my DH likes my hair better cropped short. She found that odd and sort of implied that she thinks my DH wants me to look less attractive to other. I know she was not saying this to be unkind, but was still put off by it.

OP posts:
Original poster
BestLeftAnonymous · 26/04/2025 16:06

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/08/2024 22:15

@BestLeftAnonymous

what would you say/do if your husband said he wanted you to stop wearing makeup full stop OP?

Show quote history

I just logged back in now and saw this. I would probably be okay with the idea of no make up. I do not find it does that much for me anyhow. I do not think my husband would demand that. He is not controlling in that way.

OP posts:
Original poster
BestLeftAnonymous · 26/04/2025 16:09

booisbooming · 27/08/2024 22:17

Side note, and possibly irrational, but I find it such an ick when men 'prefer' long hair. Who asked you dumbass. Big babies. We do our hair for ourselves and other women, as it should be.

I agree when it seems like men just want women looking like dolls. I am pretty sure if my husband demanded that I grow my hair long I would tell him he is welcome to grow his hair.

OP posts:
Original poster
BestLeftAnonymous · 26/04/2025 16:18

PerkyMintDeer · 27/08/2024 22:59

I had an abusive ex who definitely tried to make me less attractive. In my case, part of my exes hatred of women was to do with the fact he was gay and in the closet (due to being from a homophobic Culture/Religion) but I didn’t find that out until years later. For other abusive men it’s that they don’t want competition from other men and are very insecure.

OP there are men who much prefer short hair to long. It can be beautiful. Your friend doesn’t sound very nice. A bit of a frenemy?

I’m not keen though on your DH’s views on other women and the idea he “prefers your hair short and out of the way” as opposed to, “thinks I really suit/look beautiful with short hair.”

When my abusive ex met me, he knew the deal. I was a long haired, full face of make up, heels and dresses kind of woman. That’s just me, my style, how I’ve always been.

Then the “I prefer you without makeup” started.
Why are you wearing a dress? Can’t you just wear jeans?
I hate it when women spend so much time on their appearance.
Why are girls so obsessed with looking pretty? It’s so vain. I thought you were better than that.
Why don’t you just cut your hair? It would be more convenient. It’s such a vanity and waste of time. You don’t need hair.
You’re going to this party wearing a DRESS? And LIPSTICK? You disgust me.
Why can’t you just go in your trackies? Are you that insecure that you need to dress up? It’s only the theatre. Are you elitist?
I like you in black. Colours are a bit attention seeking. I hate how attention seeking girls are.
Why are you wearing heels? Don’t you want to be able to run away from a rapist? They look stupid and make you an easy target.
You don’t need a shower, literally no one cares if you smell. I hate that you shower every day. Stop being so vain. Just be natural.
Aww I bet you think you look really sexy done up like that don’t you? You don’t. You look like the rest of the common sluts asking for it.

Etc.

So some men absolutely want to make you look (and feel) less attractive. Only you know which kind your DH is. Liking short hair is fine. Insisting on it and shaming you for spending time on your appearance would be a red flag…as unfortunately would judging women who spend more time on their appearance than you.

What business is it of his? Why would that be a big deal to a man? Bit weird, no? Set my spider senses off a bit.

Edited

I am sorry to hear about your abusive ex and and glad to hear that he is now an ex.

I do not think my husband is trying to control me like that but he is open about his views. I want to know what he likes as we share a life together. That does not mean that I need to listen to what he says, but his preferences count. I have usually been glad that he likes the way I look.

May I ask if you ended up changing your appearance to please your ex? If you did, did it make a difference? I hope you are now able to look however you want.

OP posts:
Original poster
BestLeftAnonymous · 26/04/2025 16:23

tennesseewhiskey1 · 28/08/2024 08:29

What do YOU want op? Do you want to be with short hair and no make up etc? If so great crack on. My mums like this. If it’s driven by husband to look a certain way - then not great and maybe that’s what she’s saying?

I am fine with how I look and have not thought much of it until my friend raised the issue. Personally, I prefer my hair short about do not like it looking masculine or harsh. I have had some cuts that have been too short for me and my husband did not say much either way. It is not a huge deal to either of us, but the issue was on my mind when I first posted.

OP posts:
JMSA · 27/04/2025 08:58

Maybe she has noticed something about your husband. There could be a bit more to it than her one comment about short hair.
If she is a good, trustworthy friend then could there really be nothing in it? Only you know, OP.

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