Does my DH want me to look ugly

[BestLeftAnonymous]

I had to create an anonymous account for this post. I am by no means a supermodel and have always preferred comfort over style. I do not want to look unattractive, but cannot be bothered waking up earlier every morning just to look perfect. I do not wear much makeup, keep my hair short and avoid spending a fortune on clothes.

My husband has supported how I look and thinks many women spend way too much time on their appearance. He has always preferred my hair short and out of the way and has no issue with my body type (not skinny and has gotten fuller over time). He also tends to complain if I take too long getting ready. I never found this all that unusual.

I recently brought this up to a friend and mentioned how my DH likes my hair better cropped short. She found that odd and sort of implied that she thinks my DH wants me to look less attractive to other. I know she was not saying this to be unkind, but was still put off by it.

If you're older yourself then I'm really surprised you're promoting these clichés about how older women should or shouldn't look. Some older women look better with shorter hair, just like some younger women do. I'm 56 and keep my hair quite long, simply because I have a fat face and look horrendous with short hair.

“Unusual” oh dear - of all the words to use to describe a bride on their wedding day 😂yeah that sounds a bit of a backhanded compliment, but hopefully your MIL means well though lol

@redskydarknight

men are clueless - they think women aren’t wearing makeup when they are. So when they declare they like the ‘natural’ no makeup look best, it’s false bollocks

@LuckySantangelo35

The point I was originally making - natural make up natural looking women . Sometimes I do not think they can tell if women are wearing makeup

Your friend would probably think that I want my DP to look ugly as well, because I frequently get frustrated (internally) about her trying to look good.

Your friend would be wrong.

I get frustrated because:

1. I want to get out of the house and to the place we're going on time.
2. I find self confidence attractive. I'm most attracted to DP when she's comfortable, whether that means she's slobbing around the house in pyjamas, or we're out and about and she feels like she looks good. Less so the days where she's unhappy with the way her hairs turned out, or she's complained about her legs, even though she was perfectly happy with them yesterday.

witchy woman aged flower child

I realise it was meant as an insult, but I love this description and will embrace it from now on!

Might also take it as my next username, lol.

I agree that some women are better off with short hair and some with longer hair. I know many women find long hair much easier. I hope my post did not offend those with long hair. To keep my hair easy, it is normally cut rather short (ie pixie cut), which tends to invite opinions from both men and women. I usually do not care all that much but did when the comment came from a friend.

To be fair, the comment was not made to be mean. It also was not simply directed to my hair.

@bringincrazyback
Exactly, my mum suits longer hair even now into her late 70s.

If you’re happy, keep your style, bonus if your dh particularly likes it. My Dh prefers my hair slightly longer, he was upset when I had it chopped into a bob years ago, he knew it would take forever to re-grow-it’s mega curly. However, what he likes rarely influences what I do.

We have not discussed it either.

"Witchy woman aged flower child" has always been my plan for how to have my hair into my senior years and I can't see that changing 😄plan is going well so far!

No because 5 minutes “extra” in bed is irrelevant. I get sufficient sleep and don’t need 5 extra minute. And I still manage to get a coffee before my 6:30 train.

Some people suit short hair better than long, so it's a really strange assumption for you friend to make.

Sounds like your husband is supporting you in dressing however makes you comfortable and your friend is just a bit odd. Does she maybe not know him very well?

I think Yabu to think after all this time that your husband wants you to look ugly because he wants you to be comfy and feel comfortable.
I don't wear any make-up, never wear a dress, I'm slightly pooh bear shaped and have short spikey hair (yes I'm female) - would you look at me and say "you're ugly because you don't look feminine"?

And the Eton Crop was very fashionable during the 20s

I'm the same, no make up cropped hair all my life, my husband couldn't care less , when we were married he had long hair and mine a cropped, but importantly he's my best friend, hope yours is too.
We've been together 30 odd years, he actually doesn't care what other people think, maybe that's the case with yours. your husband sounds cool aswell and as impatient as mine, I'm off and out the door in 10 mins, my daughters take hours, I always point out he couldn't cope with waiting that long 😉

I guess she assumed you're keeping your hair short because your DH told you to rather than it being your choice. Her mistake.

I’d actually be more annoyed by the implication that women with short hair are unattractive.

Some women give much more of a shit about womens appearence than many men do.

I think that's all that's happened here.

Your friend is the problem, not your husband.

I think that's it!
😀

"witchy woman aged flower child look"

Really???? FFS ageist and misogynistic much?

There is prejudice against short hair on women. See Strictly pro Lauren Oakley’s experience

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/lauren-oakley-responds-strictly-come-dancing-viewers-hair-comments_uk_6544c1a7e4b06bc01e23d1bd

Your H sounds like a practical man who doesn't like hair trailing all over the place, likes to get out and about without faffery and is happy with your natural appearance. Your friend is projecting her own ideas of female beauty on to him when clearly his tastes are different from hers. If your H wanted to keep you 'ugly' then you'd see other signs of this type of control in his behaviour and would not need a friend to tell you.

That's right. Boost women with one type of look by insulting those with another. That's the way to tackle prejudice! Some women have 'alas' internalised the idea that it's OK to make ageist, sexist and spiteful remarks about how other women look. They kid themselves that because the look they're being spiteful about is the mainstream 'attractive', could be thin, long hair, make up, blonde etc, while they heap praise on the opposite, they are somehow better than the low lives who insult women for short hair, being overweight, unconventional looks etc. They're not. They are exactly the same.