Does my DH want me to look ugly

[BestLeftAnonymous]

I had to create an anonymous account for this post. I am by no means a supermodel and have always preferred comfort over style. I do not want to look unattractive, but cannot be bothered waking up earlier every morning just to look perfect. I do not wear much makeup, keep my hair short and avoid spending a fortune on clothes.

My husband has supported how I look and thinks many women spend way too much time on their appearance. He has always preferred my hair short and out of the way and has no issue with my body type (not skinny and has gotten fuller over time). He also tends to complain if I take too long getting ready. I never found this all that unusual.

I recently brought this up to a friend and mentioned how my DH likes my hair better cropped short. She found that odd and sort of implied that she thinks my DH wants me to look less attractive to other. I know she was not saying this to be unkind, but was still put off by it.

And Eve Gilles, recently crowned Miss France 2024 has also had backlash for having a pixie cut.

No your happy hubby happy no problem don't listen to her x

So your husband is supporting you and likes you just as you are? What a problem to have.

your friend on the other hand is shit stirring, I have seen your previous posts saying that she hasn’t done it to be rude but why did she say it?

she has essentially told you that you are ugly and your husband likes it that way so other men won’t be attracted to you.

BestLeftAnonymous · 28/08/2024 14:49
SpanThatWorld · 28/08/2024 09:16
My husband and I have been together 26 years and have never discussed the men or women we find attractive.
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We have not discussed it either.

Oh, we have. He admires Gillian Anderson and I Jason Mamoa. We both know neither us would stand a chance 🤣 (Im 60, he’s 65) and even if we did, we wouldn’t anyway. We’d both probably run away as fast as our old legs could carry us (which is not very fast, he can barely walk). together 35 years and enjoy laughing with (at 🤣) each other.

The poor guy, criticised for being happy with you as you are - if he constantly complains about your weight, grooming, fashion sense bla bla bla would that be better??

So your friend thinks you look ugly?

This is about her, not your husband.

harsh. I love my long hair and im
older.

Hang on. Your husband is open enough to say he likes a certain hairstyle. So what?

he is saying that he’s happy with you, just the way you are…but that’s not OK with you?

in a world where women take in so much pressure from what they see, injecting their faces and caving in to diets and pills and programmes, I know which type of husband, I’d prefer.

If both you and your husband like the way you look, there is no problem. It is wrong of your friend to suggest that he has ulterior motives. Do you think he is the jealous type? If he is, perhaps that is what led her to that conclusion. Or she could just think that he is punching above his weight with you in the looks department?

That said, and at risk of setting the cat among the pigeons, the wives commenting that "I don't care about my appearance and neither does my husband," will be the most shocked when he has an affair/leaves for a prettier model. Make a bit of an effort if you love him FFS.

the wives commenting that "I don't care about my appearance and neither does my husband," will be the most shocked when he has an affair/leaves for a prettier model

You're not wrong.

Your DH has consistently given the correct answer to ‘do you like how I look’. That doesn’t imply any active preference for short hair. Your friend is just shit-stirring.

Sorry to say OP, but some (dreadful) men think an unattractive woman is safer to marry as in their minds she won't leave him.

My husband's highest praise when I ask if I look OK when going out for a meal is "you look alright". I'm not at all offended, he just isn't interested in appearances.

Just curious - Does he never call you beautiful or compliment you?

I suppose he might occasionally say I look nice, but compliments aren't really his style. He might say that I look as though I'd made an effort, this is more of a joke between us.
I don't need to be called beautiful, it isn't something that would flatter me. Now if he were to say it looked as though I'd lost some weight that would be another matter!

I should add that, years ago, I made a concious effort to lose weight and lost almost 4 stone. Everyone was telling me that I looked wonderful but he didn't really notice - as I said I don't need that, I know that he loves me and we've been together for more than 50 years.

That's just odd..

If my husband had any say at all in how I looked , I think he prefers me with chin length hair .
My hairdresser she likes it longer on me and I’m sort of halfway 😆 it’s just reaching my shoulders and wavy .
I do like a bit of makeup but not much and prefer to be dressed quite comfortably.
Neither my husband or friends have commented really 🤔

Agree with @Disturbia81 i find that a bit odd too tbh. Almost sounds like he makes a concerted effort not to notice anything about you or downplay things 😐 I mean four stone is a lot unless you’re super duper tall maybe?

Even someone as fairly unobservant as me would notice if someone lost that much weight and I don’t normally comment on peoples bodies. However if they were my partner and I knew they lost it in a healthy way and it’s what they wanted (as opposed to disordered eating or losing it through stress) I’d definitely notice and say something!

Each to their own but I like the man I’m with to think and say I’m beautiful 🤷‍♀️ but we’re all different.

He does notice things, but neither of us think that our physical appearance is a particularly important part of us, that's all a bit pre-feminist. And I am tall!

Interesting…I think many feminists still appreciate their partners acknowledging both their inner and outer beauty. I wouldn’t say that’s anti-feminist but again each to their own.

There’s someone out there for everyone as they say :)

I've had some weird comments from my husband recently and wonder how, why and who's it's being prompted from. We've been married for 25 years! I've always done my nails; normal manicure / pedicure (no insane fake Acrylics!) and started getting hair professionally coloured when grey became obvious. He's started with some jabs insinuating I'm vain. I'm no supermodel either but wear make-up, dress well and am naturally small. I've never been a Jeans / Leggings person. His ex used to get her hair cut at a Barbershop and I doubt she owned a lipstick but I haven't changed since he and I met apart from doing my roots!

Does he make nice remarks about non physical things? Encourage you, celebrate achievements, thank you for doing things for him/the family?
Appreciate you generally?

Absolutely.

None of our family think that personal appearance is something of enormous importance, other than personal hygiene or dressing appropriately. Obviously we'd dress up for an occasion and have regular haircuts!
It's so important not to let girls think that their personal appearance is more important that what they are achieving in their lives.

Maybe just confront it head on.

Ask him what the issue is and point out you’ve always been like that and as far as you were aware it’s never been a problem for him so what’s changed? 👀

ETA: I’ve never had a partner do that but I think that kind of attitude would grate on me for several reasons. One them being fashion, hairstyling and to a lesser extent makeup are forms of creative expression for me.

So I’d resent being with someone who is casting aspersions on me for wearing what I want to basically! I’d feel as if they were trying to clip my wings.

I’d also wonder if they were insecure
so wanted me looking more “plain”