Husband made lists about what I have done ‘wrong’

[IfIwasablackbird]

We were in the car with the kids recently and I opened his phone to put google maps on. He was driving.
It came up with a list of things about me ‘No food shopping left Tuesday, nothing to cook for dinner’ and it went on, chores and things.
I asked and kind of ignored it as the kids were in the car.
When I asked later he said it was in case I brought up things he hasn’t done, so he’s made lists about me!!?!? I was so shocked.
I pointed out that I am not solely responsible for food shopping, he had actually done it that particular weekend.

We both work full time and it’s fair to say I do just about all life admin, all the school stuff, Drs, dentists, school uniform etc.
I then realise there are more lists, with stuff such as ‘went for a run, had to watch child2 while she went to have hair done’.

I’m just so hurt and upset and he sees absolutely no issue, won’t even apologise.

I can’t get past it and he doesn’t care. Basically it’s more convenient for him if I just pretend I didn’t see this.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is a dealbreaker? It just shows a total lack of respect. We’ve been together 20 years and he has always been quite selfish but this is just next level nasty.

Thank you.

He maintains it was to help our marriage…

I joke with a friend about crone era and I’m looking forward to that!

It takes a lot of strength to get up the courage to leave. I applaud you for that. I always hear the chorus in my head from the Madonna song, Respect Yourself: You'll do much better, baby, on your own...

From all your posts it sounds like he has some real issues, but that doesn't mean he can make you his punchbag. Onwards and upwards!

Well done for having the strength to know you couldn't go on.

Good luck op. I'm glad you've made a firm decision about your future. Fwiw I think it's the correct one and that you'll be happier.

Wishing you every happiness and success in your future life OP. You'll get there! x

Well nobody can say you didn't give it your best shot here!
I've just read all your posts and crikey, he sounds insufferable. Lists, Andrew Tate, opinions on women his utter contempt for you.
This next but of divorcing is going to be tough but keep up with the individual counselling if you still find it useful.
The chapter of your life after divorce is going to be so great. Sending you lots of strength.

What next, a performance improvement plan?

@AcquadiP Unfortunately informal measures haven’t led to performance improvement. 😜

I really commend the huge efforts you made after finding those lists.

I think it is really unfortunate that he may be autistic, because irrespective of any label he is a nasty, ugly, bullying prick.

A real piece of shit.
I believe his actions have been too nasty and deliberate to be anything other than the nasty ugly little man he is.

So delighted that you will have a future without him.

@IfIwasablackbird you can hand on heart say that you tried everything. It doesn't matter that you couldn't move past the lists - they were the straw, there was lots of other stuff and ultimately the damage done to your relationship was too great. So now you know that and let's hope you can split up like civil adult human beings, co-parent well and enjoy life.

FWIW I think you will be far, far happier without him.

I am sorry it didn't work out in the end, but it sounds like you gave it your best shot and the counselling has helped you to understand each other better, which will hopefully benefit the co-parenting in years to come.

I had this a long time ago.

Stayed.

The misery just continues.

Well done.

You called it right.