AIBU for not taking my boyfriend’s kids to school?

[newmom2022]

My boyfriend, who I have a 2 year old daughter with, has 2 school age children by his ex. We switch of every other week with their mom. Well this school year, their bio mom has just enrolled them in 2 different performing arts elementary schools out of district across the city, that don’t have school busses.

My boyfriend, their dad, recently got a major pay raise to switch to another shift that starts at 6am. This is way before the kids get up for school, so logistically it is impossible for him to take them to school anymore.

As a result, their bio mom (who does not work!) and my boyfriend’s mom (who also does not work!) have turned to me and made me feel as if it is now my responsibility to take his children to school. A 3 hour round trip every morning. If we were married, yes I would do it and I would feel it’s my responsibility as their step mom. I can even see if it was right down the street, but it is a major inconvenience and frankly, until we are married, I do not feel like I have any place doing that. My boyfriend has taken my side, but his mom and ex are making an emotional argument out of it saying we need to find a way and that he should “want his kids”. AIBU for feeling like this is not my responsibility?

P.s. I don’t need any nasty comments about “that’s what you get for having kids with someone who already has kids”. I understand it’s not easy, I’m asking for honest advice about what you’d do in this situation

It sounds as if Bio Mum wants full custody... She has deliberately enrolled them in a school that is extremely inconvenient to get to.

I wouldn't do a three-hour round trip for my own DC! Even when the County paid for it, I was only doing about 30 minutes each way.

How do the kids feel about trekking to these schools? That would mean they are having to get up ludicrously early to get to school. You might need to start having them Friday evening to Tuesday instead so you're only doing the trek half the time. Or change schools!

Sorry if I've missed it but are they expecting you to do the collection after school is finished too? So that's 6 hours a day driving. And is it in the week when you have them or every day seeing as the mum can't drive.

Well the kids can’t go to those schools then. Simple as that. Bloody cheek doing it without discussing it with you first. I’m assuming the 2 year old would have to do the three hour journey as well, every morning. They can fuck off.

YANBU. The mother enrolled the children so it's down to her to sort out travel arrangements, as you've said already, bit different if the school was just down the road but a three hour trip? Sod off with that.

Do schools accept enrollment without agreement of both parents that easily?

Nah, fuck that

No one tells me what to do with 3 hours in a morning, that's mental

Bio mum is insane & needs to come up with a better solution. You are not the answer to her poor decision making. Stick to your guns

As others have said that is ridiculous. I would agree to taking the children to school, but to a local school. Totally unreasonable in my eyes.

YANBU!
What a cheek they have.
Please don't even consider doing it.
(I don't think you are btw)

This has made me so angry for you OP, fuck them, hold your ground. I’m sorry but your partner’s kids are his responsibility and he needs to work with his ex to make arrangements that works for them all. You have enough on your plate with a 2 year old without doing 3 hour journeys every day because their mum has enrolled them in schools that are so far away. How dare the ex and the MIL make you feel that way, stick to your guns. The ex can get her lazy arse out of bed can’t she.

3 hour round trip is abit much ill be honest but I don't see what being married has a single damn thing to do with it to be honest.

Not that this would change my thinking (def in camp YANBU ) but are you expected to be taking the kids to school every day or on the days they are with you and BF?

What does the kids dad think should happen?

Except that they have 50/50 custody.

OP says previously she took them to school locally, so logical to think she would continue to do this so he could take the job with the pay rise. Then mum sprang the surprise on them about the new schools.

Was your boyfriend involved in the decision making for the school?
What would he do if your working hours changed? How would this work when your own child starts school? Has he thought about any of this?

Was it a surprise?

OP says they have the kids half the time, week on week off. How have they had their schools changed without their dad even knowing? And why isn’t that the first issue here?

I really want to know what dad’s plans were for getting the kids to school before the school change. How was he going to manage even a closer school with the new job?

For the love of God, why are some women such mugs? The only reasonable answer to that utterly ridiculous assumption that you are going to drive your boyfriend's kids in a 3 hour round trip because... because of what exactly? Is laughing.

Which is exactly what I would do. Laugh out loud, look at them as if they were a very strange but interesting new class of bug I had just found and go on with my day. I would not even dignify the concept with an answer.

The kids have a mum and a dad. Neither of them are you.

If you were being asked to drop the kids a 10 min walk away at the same school on nights they stay - then that would seem reasonable as a family unit. It's total madness to enrol kids in different schools, as well as schools far away.

I wouldn't do a 3 hour round trip for my own child, who I adore, because I don't think any school would be worth it. Even if mum or grandma wanted to do it, I would not think it would be In the best interests of the kids to spend presumably 1.5 hours minimum in cars each day. Just because I'm nosy, can you explain the times for the route expected please? 3 hours is such a long time.

It's one thing feeling put out by the requests, but to call your partner's mother and his kids mother names isn't on.

Does he know you refer to them as such?

Decline if you can't do it and he can sort it on his days or change schools if it's not doable.

Yes but OP first post seemed to suggest that BF took them to school before he took a job with a major pay rise so the easiest solution in my mind is that the pay rise could be used for this.

This! If it’s so important that they go to these particular schools I’m sure it’s important enough for her to sort transport.

Which bitches? What?

Let them find a nice, before-school childminder near their school, then he can get them up, get them ready and drop them off. The local authority should have lists. You could find them a list.