AIBU for not taking my boyfriend’s kids to school?

[newmom2022]

My boyfriend, who I have a 2 year old daughter with, has 2 school age children by his ex. We switch of every other week with their mom. Well this school year, their bio mom has just enrolled them in 2 different performing arts elementary schools out of district across the city, that don’t have school busses.

My boyfriend, their dad, recently got a major pay raise to switch to another shift that starts at 6am. This is way before the kids get up for school, so logistically it is impossible for him to take them to school anymore.

As a result, their bio mom (who does not work!) and my boyfriend’s mom (who also does not work!) have turned to me and made me feel as if it is now my responsibility to take his children to school. A 3 hour round trip every morning. If we were married, yes I would do it and I would feel it’s my responsibility as their step mom. I can even see if it was right down the street, but it is a major inconvenience and frankly, until we are married, I do not feel like I have any place doing that. My boyfriend has taken my side, but his mom and ex are making an emotional argument out of it saying we need to find a way and that he should “want his kids”. AIBU for feeling like this is not my responsibility?

P.s. I don’t need any nasty comments about “that’s what you get for having kids with someone who already has kids”. I understand it’s not easy, I’m asking for honest advice about what you’d do in this situation

This with bells on. Not your problem.

Logical for the dad to have discussed the intention to change schools that involve longer commute first with the Op and asking her input, rather than assuming that she would continue the school run under these changed circumstances. Then he could have added to the conversation with the mum that it would not be feasible before any decisions were made.

If the mum and dad each have the children 50% of the time, then it would have been a decision they both made in consultation with each other. It was up to the dad to consult with his partner and then communicate with the mum that this arrangement will not work for us.

Or, if it is really that important to his kids to go to these schools then it is up to him to decide what sacrifices he is prepared to make for them. One sacrifice he could make is hire a nanny to do the school run. Many working parents actually do this.

If the mum is the one having chosen these schools that are far away she can do the driving as well. Since she's not working she has the time to take her DC to schools of her choice. Is she doesn't want to then DH can say they will need to change schools so they will be closer so they could go by themselves/ paying someone to accompany them. OP you are not responsible. Just say no way, not happening and let them figure it out. I wouldn't do this for my own children unless there was no alternative so you are definitely not unreasonable !

Makes me wonder if bio Mum didn't do this on purpose just to cause friction. I can't believe she hadn't taken account of the transport aspect. When exes team up wiith MIL, they can make a formidable joint front. Despite that, can't understand why you say you would be OK with this if you were married. Single or married, 3 hours a day is not the kind of thing you donate!

Bio mum is an entitled bitch who sees it as someone else's responsibility to look after her own kids. Crappie parent.

How far does Mum & Granny live from you? Can they not collect the kids from yours & take them to school themselves? If neither work then it's no hardship as they don't have to rush back to get to work. Remind them that it was Mums choice to move the children's schools so it's her responsibility to get them there not yours. If you work then use that to not do it too. You'd be rushing a 3 hour round trip then rushing to get to your job & it wouldn't work. Who'll be collecting the kids from school at the end of the day?

Tough one if you live together and have shared care married or not.
Wasnt it all discussed before any changes were made.

If you factor in pickups as well, this sounds like one of the kids in the family will be spending at least five hours a day in the car! That's no way to spend a childhood!
Their mother just hasn't thought this all through.

I don't understand why anyone would stick their kids into different schools a long way apart. And it's a very hard NO to expecting you, the 2yo or either of the kids to spend more than 1 hour maximum individually in the car each morning, wherever any of you are going.

That said, and bear in mind I'm just being nosy so you don't have to answer, I have so many questions! How is their mum doing this on her week? Why isn't one kid at least being dropped in breakfast club to reduce the time spent in cars? Does neither school have a coach service? Why do they BOTH have to go to performing arts school anyway, is one of them being pushed just because the other one enjoys theatre?

i wouldn’t even being engaging in a conversation about it. My DH’s ex messages me sometimes when she doesn’t like the answers she gets from him and I just tell her I’m not getting involved. And we’re married, which does make a difference imo. Have you told them that you’re not doing it? Because that’s all that needs to be said. Don’t engage further.

Can your bf offer to pay half a taxi? It really is his problem to sort out.