Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)

[Daniagainagainagainagain]

Apologies for the grabby title. I've NC'd for this as I have a few running threads currently with very outing and personal details on.

Anyway back to the point.
I see SO many threads on here where the topic about the thread is about a guy. It's not even necessarily bad about the bloke in question, but so many many posters just seem to hate men. Not give them the benefit of the doubt. Tear them a new arsehole for merely posting on MN asking for advice. There was a thread recently about a woman seeing a really nice guy, a gentlemen as she described him where he had been separated for literally YEARS but wasn't divorced. Turns out there were cultural differences meaning divorce in that country is very rare. People kept saying 'throw him back in the sea' 'he's a liar' one poster called him a wanker.. there was no evidence that he was a wanker and the OP seemed happy with the guy. Just more people clutching for their moment to berate men. It's always the guys fault on here no matter what.

It's always the same posters more often than not berating men, shooting them down, and just hating them. I wonder, do these women posters have sons? If so, do you think your sons are exempt from such awful insults because 'my boy would never'? I can't imagine these posters talking about their sons like that. So do you pick and choose, is it one rule for your sons and one for all other men?

Before it labelled being 'cool' I have just got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where ex cheated multiple times to the point of police involvement. I am not naive to think some of these guys deserve what they get.

AIBU? To think there's huge double standards? To call strangers with no reason to, wankers, but to also think the son shines out of your son's arses?

I know I'll probably ruffle some feathers but I'd genuinely like to know. And yes I have DC.

😂😂😂 this is great

And a good reflection of what I'm trying to get up.

The Irish poster who started that thread asked herself in her opening post something along the lines of what was up with her for feeling some doubt; and she didn't reveal her location and cultural background until her 3rd or 4th post, from memory.

So I wouldn't be building any thesis on socio-cultural attitudes toward the male sex based on that, tbh.

Well that took long didn't it!

I pointed out one example, there are many on MN that I've observed that prompted this thread.

No one can comment on the thread without you linking it. I often find on these types of threads that people’s recollection of ‘recently I read a thread’ is very different to the people’s interpretations. So I won’t comment on that.

But i am not sure what you are getting at.

Are you talking about certain posters that you have seen posting that a man is a wanker based on nothing. In which case you would need to ask those posters.

Or that some posters don’t like men and some other posters believe their sons won’t grow up to be wankers. I don’t get what your point would be? different people talking about 2 different subjects?

But who does think their sons will turn out to be and abuser or murderer? Surely if you thought that, you would be acting on it while the child is still small.

I think you can think one man, who is the subject of a thread is a wanker AND also believe your son won’t turn out to be a wanker.

I think a lot of people here are extremely bitter and unhappy, with a huge amount of hate and free time, which is always a bad combination. You see it in threads concerning poor people, fat people, people on benefits, trans people, the list goes on. Men get a little taste of this hate. Just roll your eyes and thank fuck you can think critically and not just jump to boring stereotypes and rage like those posters :)

YANBU about the double standards. I just see it as one of those funny quirky mumsnet things, because it’s too irritating otherwise.

I get you OP. That thread was particularly brutal but also fucking annoying in once again showing that most people don’t read all of the OP’s comments before commenting themselves. All the context needed was there, and yet he was still being branded a walking read flag 🤷‍♀️

The point I'm getting at, is there's a huge amount of posters who don't even read the OPs posts and just berate the men.

Or a man will post on here for advice, looking to be better, or to work on himself / his relationship, and he will be berated and shot down.

A lot of the posters will have sons. Do they think their sons are exempt from this? Their sons will grow up, undoubtedly make mistakes and will probably break a woman's heart. Do they get called wankers, low lives, porn addicts, scum bags, and everything else? Or no, because 'my boy would never' and it's just all the other men in the world who are those things.

The double standards on here are huge. A woman posts and says her DH isnt intimate with her, he's automatically cheating, addicted to porn, mentally abusive, and a wanker. She's not the problem.

A man posts on here saying his wife isn't intimate anymore, and he's berated, called all the names under the sun and the woman should LTB.

So many double standards isn't there!

Which is why I'm wondering if these double standards apply to these posters sons too.. I have a feeling they don't.

Then comes the MIL from hell posts from DIL in the years to come.

Completely agree OP.

Oh look! Another NAMALT thread! Haven't had one of those in a long time. <settles down with popcorn>

Maybe, just maybe also keep in mind that what comes up especially on the Relationships forum is a particularly awful cross-section of males...?

1. Unless you do an extensive spreadsheet linking LTB / man hating lists to mothers of sons posts we are not in a position to cry ‘double standards’
2. It’s those men in particular and those who behave like it. NAMALT. But we cannot pretend that the male sex as a class are free from a significant record of poor behaviour in respect of women
3. It’s not just men. The MIL threads(for example ) are often vitriolic , are we as women prepared to be treated with as little give and take as many MILs here? Do we think our brothers’ partners slag of our own dear Mums the way many MN DILs do?

Such an idiotic and childish response.

OP, I know what you mean. It sullies meaningful advice to women who are in need of support.

I think some people live breathe and eat mumsnet, for sure. Especially when it comes to berating men. Perhaps it's like therapy for those posters. It does something to their minds due to their own trauma. I genuinely mean that too with no ill intent.

@Daniagainagainagainagain
I so agree..too many people saying " leave" or "get rid"
Etc etc.
When there is no need especially when the OP is just asking for an opinion one tiny aspect of their relationship.
So many on here playing judge and jury far too quick.
I don't have sons but Grandsons and eldest just gone through a mental health issues because of a split.
I too have been in a very abusive relationship.. was left for dead and horrifically disabled..
Also had a loving relationship ( he passed away).
But some replies to relationship problems on here are just way OTT.
@FruitFlyPie
Just typical of what the post about.
Is there any need really?

Yes I saw that thread and thought that certain posters couldn't think beyond their own negative experiences!Shocking replies and very narrow minded and one dimensional
Yes there are some arseholes out there but the majority of friends husbands/ partners are lovely human beings!

Poor men.

Still, women are being actually killed by men at the rate of 1 every 3 days.

Bit worse than a few insults flung online, no? And might go some way to explain the feeling behind it ...

Lots and lots of posters on here have been or are in relationships with awful men. They tend to be the first to jump on threads about men and are prone to thinking the worst of any scenario. Misery loves company.

I’m married to a throughly good man. 99% of the men we know are also good men and brilliant dads. We have 2 young adult sons and I have no doubt whatsoever they will go through life treating others with respect and kindness because that’s how they have been raised.

I get on with men better than i do some of the women.
Only have to read MN most days half hate their partners and husbands and men on here can not be right with anything.
I had a comment taken down the other day for no reason other than saying the truth.

I feel the same about mothers of sons on MN or rather mother-in-laws. The slightest thing causes people to advise going NC. Men are not allowed to be close to their mums. As someone who's daughter has a lovely little boy who she adores I feel really sad about this. Is this her future? Treading on egg shells around her the woman her husband marries.

Oh no! What another original reply, did you think of that all by yourself?

MN won’t remove a comment merely for ‘saying the truth’. Unless you think MN mods are ‘anti-truth’?