Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)

[Daniagainagainagainagain]

Apologies for the grabby title. I've NC'd for this as I have a few running threads currently with very outing and personal details on.

Anyway back to the point.
I see SO many threads on here where the topic about the thread is about a guy. It's not even necessarily bad about the bloke in question, but so many many posters just seem to hate men. Not give them the benefit of the doubt. Tear them a new arsehole for merely posting on MN asking for advice. There was a thread recently about a woman seeing a really nice guy, a gentlemen as she described him where he had been separated for literally YEARS but wasn't divorced. Turns out there were cultural differences meaning divorce in that country is very rare. People kept saying 'throw him back in the sea' 'he's a liar' one poster called him a wanker.. there was no evidence that he was a wanker and the OP seemed happy with the guy. Just more people clutching for their moment to berate men. It's always the guys fault on here no matter what.

It's always the same posters more often than not berating men, shooting them down, and just hating them. I wonder, do these women posters have sons? If so, do you think your sons are exempt from such awful insults because 'my boy would never'? I can't imagine these posters talking about their sons like that. So do you pick and choose, is it one rule for your sons and one for all other men?

Before it labelled being 'cool' I have just got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where ex cheated multiple times to the point of police involvement. I am not naive to think some of these guys deserve what they get.

AIBU? To think there's huge double standards? To call strangers with no reason to, wankers, but to also think the son shines out of your son's arses?

I know I'll probably ruffle some feathers but I'd genuinely like to know. And yes I have DC.

Yep!

I remember a thread recently where the poster was asking about calling in sick or turning up late because her DH, who usually does school runs was too unwell to get out of bed. It was unreal how many people were so eager to get the pitchforks out for sick husband, as if he somehow wasn’t ever allowed to be unwell.
I generally don’t bother reading threads that are based on males because they always go the same way.

I cannot believe you just asked this question.

Violence against women is at crisis levels and you are being flippant.

Just spend 5 minutes looking at what is happening in Australia and in the UK for government bodies to be calling it an epidemic.

I personally knew a woman who walked into her husband's shed in their yard, he picked up the axe he was using and basically scalped her (She is obviously dead).

My mother spent 30 years in a physically abusive marriage where the violence caused her to miscarry, have broken bones etc.

My best friend was nearly killed by her boyfriend strangling her.

I won't go into the other examples I have because I know a couple of them use Mumsnet.

Every woman knows someone impacted by either domestic violence or murder and to pretend otherwise is disingenuous.

Ooo, patronising.

I obviously do read it, and it interests me, hence why I made a thread about it.

When I was at school, the mother of a girl in my class was killed by her father. Does that make me more or less able to comment on the above? There are some times when every day it seems like the news is that a woman, or women and children, or female children, have been killed by a man/men. It is not imaginary that it happens. It is also the case that the vast majority of domestic abuse is committed by men. At population level, women are more likely to live in poverty and do most of the caring. Etc. Pointing out these things is not anti-men. Having expectations of how men should behave towards women (and indeed, other men!) is not anti-men. I cannot believe I even need to say that.

Classic click-bait tactic.

My question was to the mums of sons who seem to hate men, why are your sons exempt from that, just because they're an extension of you.

(The question isn't to you personally, it's to the posters with the double standards who seem to hate men for existing)

Yeah, that's a fair point!

"My bf never wants sex as he says he is always tired, it's getting me down"

What a selfish dickhead not meeting your needs. LTB.

"I'm always too tired for sex and it's getting my bf down".

He's an inconsiderate prick, LTB.

Yeah that's my experience too.

MN can be a great place, but imagine if that poster took the advice of those replies with the pitchforks.. way way too far.

I think this sort of thing should be the last on a son's mum's mind - who really thinks MN posters' opinions are truly relevant, tbh? But a truly worrying thing is what do boys do if ladies jump into bed with them, sleep with them and then change their mind and cry 'rape' - that is a real worry. Do you fill in a written consent form? That is what should really worry sons' mums, I think. I have no answer.

My question was to the mums of sons who seem to hate men, why are your sons exempt from that, just because they're an extension of you.

(The question isn't to you personally, it's to the posters with the double standards who seem to hate men for existing)

Well, TBF, I'm the survivor of a very violent marriage in my twenties, and have a son by that marriage.

I don't think I do have an embittered view of men, but I can understand how some survivors of DV and similar might feel that way, whilst at the same time investing a lot of hope in their sons.

So I'm not prepared to condemn any individual woman without knowing her story but I understand that blanket posting negativity could be annoying.

I think it’s just far more common to be in or to be exposed to bad relationships, or even if not bad, very unequal at the least.

It is typically women who carry the additional loads: mental, childcare, home etc

So no not all men are abusive, not all men are passive fathers, not all men refuse pull their weight in the relationships, some clearly do, but it’s very much the exception not the rule!!

Given the above is not surprising that we hear so much negativity about men, anyone with a brain knows it’s not ALL men, it’s just A LOT of them!

@Daniagainagainagainagain
Mumset is really full of man haters.
There was a post where someone suggested rounding them up and exterminating them all.

It was allowed to stand.

Had the person said “ Let’s exterminate ( insert religious group here) it would be pulled, but wanting 50 percent of population exterminated was allowed.

I agree there are a lot of very angry unhinged people on MN who detest men AND mother in laws and ex wives.

Very bizarre!

You meant to weaponsie people's trauma and use it as a stick to heat women with, but with no ill intent? Ok, then.

I assume this is the post to which you are referring, where you gave examples of double standards

'The double standards on here are huge. A woman posts and says her DH isnt intimate with her, he's automatically cheating, addicted to porn, mentally abusive, and a wanker. She's not the problem.

A man posts on here saying his wife isn't intimate anymore, and he's berated, called all the names under the sun and the woman should LTB'.

To which I will say again,
That's not double standards though, unless a poster is literally posting your first example on one thread, and the same poster is posting your second example on another. If that is happening, yeah, definite double standards. But I think it's primarily just different people having different opinions.

I know what you mean. There are a lot of shitty men out there, however on MN, if a man isn't bowing down to everything his OH wants and treating her like a fragile princess or dares to have a mind of his own, a lot of posters jump on it to tear him down. We also do only get one side of the story and it's not very often I think we're getting an accurate account. There are women who post here and I genuinely believe their perspectives are accurate (normally when it comes to children and an uneven share of the load with childcare/housework/careers on hold) but often others make themselves sound like they're these perfect, can do no wrong and being treated oh so badly when their spouse doesn't agree with them or do exactly what they want them too

Wholeheartedly with you on this one OP. I get really worked up reading some of the threads and then remember it’s just internet. I’m sure guys are the same if not worse on their side of it. When it comes to life it’s a bit different though.

Anyway, settling down with popcorn 🍿

The menz are so lucky to have you defending them.

'I cannot believe you just asked this question.

Violence against women is at crisis levels and you are being flippant.

Just spend 5 minutes looking at what is happening in Australia and in the UK for government bodies to be calling it an epidemic.

I personally knew a woman who walked into her husband's shed in their yard, he picked up the axe he was using and basically scalped her (She is obviously dead).

My mother spent 30 years in a physically abusive marriage where the violence caused her to miscarry, have broken bones etc.

My best friend was nearly killed by her boyfriend strangling her.

I won't go into the other examples I have because I know a couple of them use Mumsnet.

Every woman knows someone impacted by either domestic violence or murder and to pretend otherwise is disingenuous.'

@Gilbertwasawuss

No, I wasn't being flippant. As per my OP, I have just got out of a decade long abusive relationship, with police involvement with the help of an IDVA worker. Those experiences you have listed are absolutely tragic. There are no words for it.

You made a point that about those (abhorrent) statistics that yes are absolutely awful, but men also have the highest suicide rates, so where's the care for them then? Are all of those men prob addicts and sex pests? Murderers?
Most men aren't women murderers, is what I'm trying to say. So for that effect to trickle down to MN and be the reason as to why men are so hated on here and the reason for the double standards, I think it's incredibly far fetched.

Try going on male-dominated SM spaces and see how they talk about women with each other. It is GRIM. These posts you’re complaining about are nothing by comparison.

Id be interested in looking, do you know of any sites?

I'm pretty sure this is the sort of childish prejudice the OP is talking about.

You see it a lot on MN, mostly with regards to men but also with regards to other races, religions and cultures.

None of it acceptable behaviour and generally just shines a light on ignorance.

I'm pretty cynical about men and especially the way they act in relationships. This based on my own history and that of literally hundreds of not thousands of women IRL and online. On here, I'll point out arsehole behaviour from men if I spot it, and I spot it a lot.

I have a male partner and two adult sons. The existence of good men in the world (if indeed my sons are good men, the signs are there but it's a bit early to say for sure!) doesn't preclude me from understanding that many women suffer at the hands of men.

FWIW the reaction to that thread from the Irish OP was nuts, some of those posters would find red flags in a litter of labrador puppies.

Completely agree.