He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

So he basically engineered it so that only you and he would celebrate his birthday. He was happy for you to organise it but didn't want anyone to know how old he was ? Don't your friends know your age ? I know mine do. Are you sure he actually has friends ? There's something really wrong here. He clearly has something to hide and you've wasted enough time. You deserve better. If he doesn't value you, value yourself and find someone else who will too. Good luck. 🙂

This is all very good advice. I think he is Narcissistic because of how he led you on then started walking backwards. It's gaslighting and speaks of Narcissistic behaviour. Please beware!

Dump him. Nothing more to say.

He sounds like a grade A twat. Get rid and move on.

He’s using you. Never waste your time on someone who won’t introduce you to friends.

Sounds like he has no interest in marriage and children, plus he’s embarrassed about your level of job at work? It shouldn’t matter if you are unemployed, that is not a reason to not introduce you to friends.

You are going to have to constantly be reaching a new bar with him.

I’m sorry but he sounds like a waste of time. If you desire marriage and children, sounds like you need a different partner.

This is your last post on here, @Burritowrap

What’s happened? Did you accept the job? Did you dump the boyfriend?

I love this saying. If they want to they will. He is making excuses it seems for very basic relationship issues. You can't meet his friends until you get a promotion. Is he embarrassed of you? When you get the promotion will it be oh you can meet them at the wedding? Are these friends real? Or made up so you think he has them? Sounds like from your information that he isn't all that interested in you. In which case your wasting your precious time on someone that will never be able to give you what you want.

If you want all these things within the next 3 years it might be better to find someone that has the same goals in mind. Your not living together yet. So he could be saying all these things just to scratch an itch twice a week.

I remember that song! I always thought the last line was "As I have a wife of my own"

The sentiment certainly rings true in OP's case; if the promotion was the goalpost, once she reached it, then it'd be another thing she'd need to do to 'earn' the privilege of meeting his friends.

The promotion thing reminds of a film i saw years ago - Legally Blonde with Reese Witherspoon. Girl gets dumped as not "career" enough, then joins his profession and excels, sees him for what he is and no longer wants him.

This bloke is definitely hiding something. My guess is that he's been banging someone else, who will be at this party.
Even if he's not, there's something not right. You cannot trust this man.

It always surprises me (a little, at least) when I read a post like this. If you re-read what you had written before posting, you would have seen that the solution to your problem does not require an answer from others (though you might want confirmation from others who don't have to deal with the fallout).

Take it from a guy, this guy's a dick. Don't ask strangers what to do, just do it.

Sorry for the blunt reply.

This guy is not for you. What are you, your job!? What a joke!!!

I'm sure others have said this, but I'd get the promotion and then dump him. What an arse.

I feel so sad for you. You must have ignored so many red flags to get to this stage.
walk away now with your head held high and tell him you’ve given him enough of your precious time. Be free to find someone who is proud of who you are NOW not after promotion! I bet if you ask your friends they can’t stand him.

Hes trying to get you to dump him I'd say

Why the "mixed messages"? And why all this shit re promotion? I'm quite sure his friends wouldn't give a flying fuck one way or the other. It also seems everything has to be on HIS terms. TBH I think you'd be better off without him. Me, I'd have kicked him into touch a looong time ago.

Incoming Narcissist... RUN!!!!
(But you probably won't. Good luck)

You deserve better,,follow him and when he sees his friends pop out of the bush and tell them who you are,I think he gets someone else on the gland Ur 2ed best..giving him the boot would be the best decision you will ever make,but follow him first,,