He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

Put him in the bin.

Oh wow. Well done. Let him know, let him congratulate you, let him imagine basking in your glory as he shows you off to his friends for a day or two, then dump his sorry ass stating you feel you have outgrown him!

At least he’s shown you his true colours before you’ve fully committed to him or had his kids. He sounds very controlling, and people like that are usually super nice to you at first (often disguising the controlling stuff as being “protective” of you) then the toxic behaviour sneaks in gradually. As others have said, he will only get worse and you need to step away now.

Sounds like he is trying cool things off / losing interest. Don’t waste any more time on him.

Really between 11 pm one night and 10 am the next morning? When of course, schools are shut and there is a Headteacher in post for September - seriously?

Good for you - for both the promotion and for dumping that manipulative tosspot. Onwards and upwards!

Well done on being offered the job! As for how to dump the idiot, he’s made it pretty clear that he wants different things in regards to marriage etc so you can just calmly cite your incompatibility as a reason to end things. But tell him about your promotion as well obviously! I’d quite like to be a fly on a wall and see the look on his face to be honest! Good luck with everything xxx

I’m really cynical on this one. I’d say - he’s an utter narcissist and when you held an amazing party for his family, it showed him up because it was you and not him organising and possibly stealing his perceived glory. Then he knew he could hurt you by moving all of the goalposts. I unfortunately stayed with a man like this, married him and now divorced. Strongly suggest now he has shown you who he is, you run because he will then be financially tied to you and you sound like you have an exciting life ahead of you. Sorry this has happened though, especially as it took a year for him to turn.

Firstly, congratulations on the job offer!!

Secondly, RUN. This man wants a trophy partner.

And honestly? He sounds a bit controlling. He’s planning out your life for you on his terms.

Did he even thank you for the effort you went to on his birthday? Or did he just sit there whining all night and laying out HIS expectations?

You deserve someone who will acknowledge your achievements, but who will also support you in achieving them.

You’ve been together a year and he wants you to be in a ‘better’ job before he introduces you to his friends? Deputy Head isn’t good enough for him? That’s “I want a trophy girlfriend’ material if ever I saw it.

Find a better guy. There are amazing men who are teachers out there.

Find a better guy. There are amazing men who are teachers out there.

Congrats on the job!

sorry, just the system did it 2ice

I am so sorry, it must have been Terri to finally find out how he feels about you. But at least you know now, not when you are married with children. If he truly loves you he would want to show you off regardless of your employment status. This is just so cruel. What an absolute bastard. I wish you all the best.

By-bye!

Enjoy your promotion. Without the dead weight of such a manbaby pushing you down!

Thanks sweetypie.

Bin. He is horrible to you.

Bin him off, any man who only respects you or is proud of you because of a salary or a job title, is a knob.
He doesn't get to judge you in that way, you are more than a job title, he obviously can't see this. He won't change, find some who respects and loves you for you.

He’s an arsehole. In the kindest way - leave. He will never give you what to want. Sounds like he’s a time waster and prick!

This happens in so many industries.

Tell him you have been offered a great promotion, but unfortunately that means his job role is no longer good enough for you 😂

I guess OP is not in the UK, the career progression as described just doesn’t work that way in British mainstream education.

The point of the thread, though, is that after a year of seeing him just a couple of times a week, she hasn’t met any of his family or friends. His refusal to introduce her is a massive red flag and it couldn’t be.any clearer that he has another relationship running parallel with this one, whether married or not. How sad that a professional with the intelligence and capability to be a (deputy) head teacher has been blinded by this man, who is so obviously just another twat with his brains between his legs.

He works in education too…? God help his poor students and colleagues.

Oh? I thought she mentioned early on that she was going through the promotion process.

Yeah, no. Don't waste your precious time. Your career is what you do, not who you are..the guy's a bellend. Adios amigo! You'll not regret it, trust me. Best of luck my lovely, you'll be great without that twat!