He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

Run

I think he is hiding something from you, and covering it by projecting onto you that you are not good enough to meet his friends yet.

Oh wow, this is a deal breaker. Sorry OP but you need to end it.

The only way this makes sense is if you work directly for him/in a close enough situation that it would be frowned on by your organization that you are involved, and your promotion would move you to a different area.

But even if that explains his weirdness about this one issue, it also seems like maybe you should not stay in the relationship. Just for example, your ideas about having children - which is something you absolutely need to agree on for a lifelong relationship - are incompatible.

Bin him. He may like you but clearly not enough to get over his snobbery. What a dick.

Sounds to me as though his friends have all met his other girl friend, you know, the one he sees on the nights he doesn’t see you!

Fuck that shit. This won’t end well. He’s a walking 🚩 so please run in the opposite direction and dump his arse.

Don’t be exclusive, start looking for someone on the same page. This original guy may change his mind and get more in to you, so he can be kept on the side.

Pretty sure he has another gf or is not that in to you.

A whole year and you've never met his friends?

You are not his girlfriend.

You are someone he sees on a regular basis and I highly doubt you are the only one.

Let me guess. You’re both lawyers but he’s senior (partner?) and you’re a trainee?

So you've been together a year and he is...

• awkward around your friends
• hasn't introduced you to his friends because of your job
• hasn't introduced you to his family.... after 1 whole year....

BIG, MASSIVE RED FLAG!! DUMP HIM NOW!!!

This man is not the one!!

Expect better for yourself!!

Birthdays and new years often get us giving our life an overview and making changes. He doesn't have the same goals as you. You are not compatible with each other

How fantastic that you found out in just a year and all it cost you was a year in time and some birthday gifts etc to find out and get him out of your life. Don't feel heartbroken - you don't want someone so shallow in your life that cares so much about how prestigious your job title is, he wasn't right for you anymore than you were right for him. Brush yourself off and in a year who knows where you will be...

Jesus Christ, OP, scrape your standards off the floor, grow some self respect, and dump this arsehole.

Obviously you need to end the relationship but I'm confused about whose birthday it was, was it his or more than one family member, if it wasn't his did you maybe go a bit ott with the arrangements and he wasn't comfortable with that?

I can see a few red flags. You've only been together for a year, how soon into the relationship were you talking about marriage and children? Irrespective if both of you are on the same page, then great but you're obviously not.

Secondly he's not into you. In my relationships I've usually met friends at some point a few months in but you've been with him a year and haven't met anyone from his life. Usually your partner wants to show you off but yours wants you to achieve a hurdle first, so he's setting conditions.

Telling you to focus on your career first is not only controlling it's demonstrating how he's not into you. A man who wants to be with you doesn't constantly get you to jump through hoops.

You need to finish the relationship.

Dump his arse.

It was his birthday. He didnt want anyone to know about his age so he didnt tell anyone. So i organised a cake, gift and a nice restaurant for the two of us. Maybe it was over the top but I just thought he would appreciate it.

Yes. Dump him. He's telling you you aren't good enough for him and that's not acceptable. You shouldn't have to change or improve yourself to be accepted by his friends.

There's a reason you don't live together and you haven't met his family n friends.

You're the other woman.

I mean… he could not be making it more clear that you are not compatible!

what is there to think about? End the relationship on good terms (same industry, keep it classy - wish him well but you want different things) and move on.

Leave now and don't waste a second longer on someone who has already wasted so much of your time. You want different things. Based on what he has said to you, you will also never be enough for someone like this, he's a staller. A back pedaller. There will always be another hoop for you to jump through.

Cut the string he has you dangling on and walk away. I know it's not nice but you will have control of your own destiny and a chance to find someone for whom you're enough.

Thank your lucky stars he's revealed who he was early in the game, then move on.

You’re compromising too much.

Please stop now..: you’re not compatible in expectations, you want family life and he doesn’t. There is no guarantee he will change him mind.

Just let him go and I would phase him out.

I never suggest this normally but my first thought was you're his bit on the side. Huge red flags if you haven't met family and friends by this stage. He doesn't want commitment or marriage or kids, he's putting you down saying about the promotion, if he really loved you and was a decent person this thought wouldn't have crossed his mind. He's happy to hurt you and put you down and keep you as a secret. If he can't treat you with respect at this stage of the relationship he's never going to.

He’s weird as hell.

Dump.