He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

Maybe the op means she had already ‘formally’ been offered the job when she started the thread, not that she was offered it yesterday. I’m not sure why she said that she is a few years away from headship though. That bit is confusing.

Op when do you start the job?

Also what are you going to tell this bloke about it?

This, I genuinely believe he's married.

Bin

Why the fuck are people arguing over if OP is a teacher or not?

Let me let you into a secret.
People on MN change details so as not to be outed IRL.

A barrister becomes a teacher.
A barista becomes a teacher
A second violin in the orchestra becomes a teacher.
Or a teacher becomes a mechanic.
A teacher becomes a dentist.

And people don't use real names either sometimes.... shocking I know...

Quibbling over unimportant and pedantic details is a waste of time. Op could be anything, anyone and has made up the entire thread.

"A tea her getting a job in summer? Ops lying.."
NO FUCKING SHIT - my name isn't Tuesday either.... so I'm lying as well..

That bit is confusing

It is. If you read the first post, it doesn’t sound like they have been formally offered a headship, but they have?

I would have thought that over the lovely birthday plans you had, you’d have mentioned at some point that you’ve been offered a headship. Isn’t that big news? Especially something to share with another teacher? Did you not talk it over with him. Even just saying you’d put in an application/had an interview?

It sounds like you already knew you had the job, had said nothing to him about it, then came on here and wrote a post about how you’ve got a few years until you get promoted?!

Well aren't you a treat?

The details do not make sense, and it is relevant what the job is as the OP has made the whole thread about precisely that.

Go and simmer down and stop swearing at everyone. It's unnecessary.

Wow . Hes either in a relationship with some one else or hes ashamed of you and think you are beneath him, either of these means he does not love you, he is using you. And so callous to not even care about hurting you.talking about his birthday party to you then saying you not invited. How much more abuse are you going to take

So?

So what?

And?

What's your point?

That op is lying?

And?
So what if they are?

What are you going to do with the information of OP reveals they're actually just an office manager, not a teacher?

What difference will it make?

You should of got up and walked out

Congratulations 👏👏👏 !

He is also too old for you. He's dangling maybe baby in five years - he'll be fiftyish. Old enough to be a grandfather.

He doesn't want children and he doesn't want them with you.

I also think you MAY be the side dish, not the main in his life, hence hiding you.

But if not - you are being lined up as the future nurse with a purse. Younger partner, no children to take attention away from him, a higher graded job, salary and pension ... Perfect.

Because the details are important here, it seems that the bf wants her to be a head teacher (or whatever equivalent) but she hasn't told him that she's been offered that job. It has an impact on who is being unreasonable

And newsflash, everyone knows that people don't always tell the truth, they don't need you to shout it out.

convratulations! Whether you take it or not, congratulations on being offered it.

personally I'd take it. You can always step down in future if you have children & think it would be easier/better to return to classroom teaching.

have you actually dumped the bellend yet

I'm not sure if 'consider him dumped' meant you had or were going to

The details.of the job make zero difference.

It could be an office.manager, TA, library worker, Asda picker.

The point is that this is Mumsnet, people change details.

Picking out inconsistencies in small details because people believe they know better, is pointless, it's derailed the thread and added zero to the main core of it.

So what if OP is a teacher and got offered a job?
So what if she isn't?

It makes fuck all difference and sanctimonious posters are just using it to try and score points and make themselves feel superior.

Op asked for help and advice for a situation with her boyfriend, not to have the details, that may or may not even be fucking true picked apart.

I asked OP politely if she could clarify, and she hasn't replied. I completely get it that she may well have chosen to disguise her actual occupation, but I'm confused about things like saying that the promotion which was the next step is a few years off, then that she was up for it next year, then a few hours later she's been offered the job. There might well be an explanation, e.g. that actually the promotion is from junior deputy to senior deputy or something similar, but it would be nice if OP could clarify.

He sounds like a whiney bitch. Out the door with him and move on.

That's what I thought,.. or he already has kids and a possible ex (or not) wife in the background.

It may not be about being married already. It may also be about the profession.
Perhaps he feels it may look bad for a HM to go out with a deputy head? Perhaps he would rather wait till you are on the same professional level?
Could also explain why he won’t introduce you to friends and family?

If he feels it "will look bad" then words fail me.

Ah Bless, he's incomplete without you and you'll fit in nicely when he moulds you just right.
You're complete without him, get rid !

Yep - if the bit about not being introduced until she’s got a promotion is made up because actually she already has the promotion, I’m not really sure what the point of the thread was.

 🏃‍♀️‍➡️

🌊🦈🌊

Yes, but I think that many of the private schools adhere to the English term times.

It is true of the state sector as well as the independent sector that schools may well have "earmarked" someone for a post, but have to go through the motions.
I was the victim of this myself; a former colleague of mine alerted me to the fact that a vacancy for a music post was coming up at her new school, and I applied in good faith.
As it happened, the interview came up during my half-term holiday, which was different to hers (geographically close but a different LEA) so I didn't need to get a day off, however it meant abandoning a pleasant seaside break, as well as all the paperwork and presentation planning which goes into an interview.
I schlepped back into town, and went through all the procedures one would expect. It soon became clear to the rest of the shortlisted candidates, and to me, that one of our number was "the anointed one", (he had been, in effect, carrying out some of the duties as a current member of staff) and we were there to make up the numbers so that the school could be seen to be going through all the right procedures, before he was appointed - not a foregone conclusion, a fivegone conclusion.

He has treated you in an appalling way,and you owe him nothing! If that is really how he see`s you then he does not deserve you,you need to walk away from him. There is something very odd going on here I think,if you have been seeing him for a year & you have never met his family or friends...he is either married already or is just a total twat head,he should be so proud of you & wanting to show you off to his family & friends. Just dump him right away,you deserve so much better!

Regardless of the job/family/friends bit, I picked up on the fact that you've wondered why he would do this on his birthday.

I had an ex who would do this as part of his coercive control of me. It was birthdays, Chrismas eve, Valentine's day etc, always special occasions. He would create an arguement, or neg me, or just generally do something on purpose to make me feel shit about myself, like I was letting him down. I finally clicked that this must have been because that way he virtually guaranteed that for the special occasion I would be on a mission to make things to to him. So he could enjoy the occasion being pandered too, and my sole focus. His insecurities meant he couldn't chance me being only randomly nice to him, or him only having an 'average' day. He had to cause a falling out or make me feel small so he could be king for the day.

For me, that itself is more of an issue than WHAT the argument was about.

Hope you can be strong and alert to red flags and make sure your own self worth doesn't slip.

Is the boyfriend a head teacher?