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Original poster

He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

818 replies

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

OP posts:
Drearydiedre · 27/08/2024 22:39

My guess is he's married.

Tell him he can't meet your family until he gets a hair transplant and drives a better car.

FlipFlopVibe · 27/08/2024 22:43

I don’t think OP has been offered the job since she made her initial post. Someone asked her something along the lines of “either your have been offered the job or you haven’t” and the OP replied “I have been offered the job”. Not that they have just contacted her in the last few days, just that in her school, she has been chosen as the preferred candidate at some point over recent weeks/months

ValsCupcakes · 27/08/2024 22:47

FlipFlopVibe · 27/08/2024 22:43

I don’t think OP has been offered the job since she made her initial post. Someone asked her something along the lines of “either your have been offered the job or you haven’t” and the OP replied “I have been offered the job”. Not that they have just contacted her in the last few days, just that in her school, she has been chosen as the preferred candidate at some point over recent weeks/months

That must be what she means by "up for promotion" then.

Doubledenim305 · 27/08/2024 23:11

Thank him for showing you his true colours and say goodbye and let's not stay in touch.

Time to move on. Hope you meet someone nice.

Thistlewoman · 27/08/2024 23:19

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

It's over. He's really not that into you. Get out now while you still have your sanity and your dignity.

sesa145 · 27/08/2024 23:20

There is something very not right here. Dump him asap. The truth will out soon after

LoveLifeBeHappy · 27/08/2024 23:24

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

Everything points to “he’s married”. You just need to catch him out now… Good luck.

CrowleyKitten · 27/08/2024 23:34

he's ashamed of you for no valid reason, and you don't have the same plans for life as you go ahead.
this one is not a keeper.

Jeannie88 · 27/08/2024 23:45

As others have said, if you like/love someone you can't wait for your friends amd family to meet them. Xx

Awaywiththefairies078 · 28/08/2024 01:45

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Offered a job offer during the summer holidays? So are you now the headteacher come September?

Firethehorse · 28/08/2024 02:23

OP I’m so glad you have decided to dump this sorry excuse for a partner - well done & congrats on your upcoming promotion. You sound extremely hardworking (12 hour days mentioned) and deserving of the Headship. For a women’s forum some posters are a little quick to just decide you didn’t go through a fair process. Of course OP wasn’t just offered the job, she is spending time deciding if it’s right for her which I think speaks of a conscientious individual.
Can I just ask, isn’t anyone else curious as to this now ex’s set up? Perhaps it is just me, but I would 💯 want to know if there was anyone else or even multiple women.
The ladies saying just move on and don’t waste time do of course have a great point but…. As long as I wasn’t feeling absolutely gutted I would just naturally feel a little retribution coming on, especially as there are potentially other women being strung along consecutively.
Either way good luck OP

AmIEnough · 28/08/2024 07:12

My God you need to run for the hills! This guy is an utter arsehole. He thinks more about status and impressing his friends than your feelings. If he is putting you down now, how do you think it will be in years to come? You deserve better than this. Don’t waste your life on him and definitely don’t have children with him.

DreamW3aver · 28/08/2024 07:13

ValsCupcakes · 27/08/2024 22:47

That must be what she means by "up for promotion" then.

Show quote history

That's a very unusual definition then, if youd been offered a job in the school holidays but hadn't decided whether to take it you'd say that surely. I can't imagine the parents of the school would be very happy, it sounds like a poorly run school, how have they got into a situation with no head

AmIEnough · 28/08/2024 07:14

DarkForces · 26/08/2024 10:48

He has given you the present of telling you exactly who he is before you've invested in property together, got married or had kids. Listen to him. He's only going to get worse as he gets more settled.
RUN

Absolutely this!!! @DarkForces, I really couldn’t have put it better myself!

Ukrainebaby23 · 28/08/2024 07:32

Pistachiochiochio · 26/08/2024 10:46

Run.

You are not compatible. You should be with someone who can't stop talking about you to his friends.

This.

Marine30 · 28/08/2024 07:53

Congratulations on the new job 🙌. Hopefully soon you’ll have an amazing job and an amazing partner - just not the awful one you’ve mentioned here.

Judecb · 28/08/2024 08:32

I'm sorry but he is displaying all the characteristics of a controlling narcissist.

Leedsfan247 · 28/08/2024 08:43

Walk away

Philadelphiacrumpet · 28/08/2024 08:46

Get rid, and pronto!

VivienneBMama · 28/08/2024 08:54

He has completely played you, and even if all those feelings he had were real af the time he’s clearly a total messer.
it’s so hurtful but he is the dickhesd and sounds really strange and immature. Get rid of him. He can’t be your soulmate if he speaks and acts like that , so the sooner you stand up to this the better . Send him off , get some therapy so this behaviour doesn’t impact you too much and move on. It’s his loss and he’s a fool.

ValsCupcakes · 28/08/2024 08:57

DreamW3aver · 28/08/2024 07:13

That's a very unusual definition then, if youd been offered a job in the school holidays but hadn't decided whether to take it you'd say that surely. I can't imagine the parents of the school would be very happy, it sounds like a poorly run school, how have they got into a situation with no head

Show quote history

I have found it hard to wrap my head around tbh.

Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2024 09:02

Things must work very differently in independent schools-on Bank holiday Monday the Op was a few years away from a promotion and by the next day, had received a formal offer of a headship! I wonder when the interviews were?

ValsCupcakes · 28/08/2024 09:04

Maybe the OP is in Scotland, the schools went back a week or two ago there.

likethislikethat · 28/08/2024 09:09

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Take the job. My mother was a head and it can work. At least if you are a head, then you don't have a head overseeing your every move if you have kids and the board of governors won't dare to single you out if you do have a family because you'll destroy them at every corner.

Dump this guy though. Why ? because he's already 44, wants to wait 5+ years, then he'll be over 50 and at that point he'll say that he's too old, set in his ways, your life of freedom is too important to lose and he'll want you childless into your old age.

As a father who had a kid in his late 30s, let me tell you that life changes around 50, even if you are fit and well. Ideally, you want kids over and done with before 50, not before 60 !

Take your new job and freedom but be clear with a new partner where your priorities lie.

Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2024 09:09

ValsCupcakes · 28/08/2024 09:04

Maybe the OP is in Scotland, the schools went back a week or two ago there.

Are you in Scotland, @Burritowrap ?

Do Scottish schools often employ head teachers the first week of the school term? Is the interview process really different there where one day you are years from a promotion and the next day have a formal offer of a headship?

It’s easy to wrap your head around the OP’s boyfriend being a dick who she should dump (have you?) but employing head teachers like this is much more difficult opt to comprehend. On Monday, you didn’t have this job and it was really speculative that you might become a head at some time in the future, yet on Tuesday you had a formal offer of a headship, but with seemingly no interview. You hadn’t told your boyfriend any of this might be astoundingly imminent? Not talked it through with anyone when you were applying?