He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

Go out with your friends and celebrate your promotion and your successful life. When he gets in touch and asks/gives opening to say what you have been up to recently - do. And then walk away without asking or agreeing to meet him.

That’s amazing congratulations! (Sorry not read the whole thread so sorry if I’ve missed stuff but wanted to say…)

Still dump him. How dare he make you feel like that. A deputy headteacher is a very senior and demanding position that some people never get anywhere near. Kudos to you – you deserve somebody that is proud of you.

my husband is a teacher and I am in awe of anyone that works in education – from a TA to a head - I couldn’t do it. Nobody’s worth should be defined by their profession. You can do better. No surprise he has struggled to make a commitment in the past and he is 44 – he clearly has very odd ideas.

If he behaves like this now, imagine what he'll be like if you were to marry. Send him packing, with a boot up the bum.

No, by text - he doesn't deserve better. Tell him you'll be focusing on your career, since you'll be getting your promotion.

Is it OK if a man (me!) replies?

This guy should like you for who you are now, not be trying to change you into someone else.
And what's all this crap about " showing you off"? Does he think you are some sort of possession?
Like his car, or his golf clubs!
I also think this is controlling behaviour, and if you persist in seeing him it will just intensify. Be yourself, be proud, and find a man worthy of you.

Omg you must know already that this isn't acceptable. I would end this he sounds awful. He doesn't want you to meet his friends because he is essentially embarrassed?? 😳 It really is a no brainier. You don't date or consider having a family with someone who finds you embarrassing on a professional.... Or any other level really. what as ass hat 😂 go and be happy in a life that doesn't include him and never look back

Many years ago I was your bf. One of us should have broken off the relationship much earlier. There was no intentional deception.

Why on Earth would anyone be with a person like this. You will find a great bloke once you have cut loose the love strings you have with this guy.

He sounds positively dreamy!

Immature. Disrespectful. Inconsiderate.

A real catch.

Throw him back to the lions in the water.

Sounds like an absolute arsehole and you do not want to spend any more of your life with someone like that.

You've made efforts for him, and it doesn't seem like he fully appreciates the time and effort you seem to have set aside for him. Sounds like you need to move on and find yourself a better bloke. Some things aren't worth waiting to change, unless you can change those things yourself. I'd move on and find someone who really values you as a person, not as a cabinet piece in his trophy collection.

Is the only correct answer

Tell him to fuck off . You know your worth and this isn’t it. DO NOT minimise and accept this.

He's gone off the idea & is trying to engineer a break up that won't be his fault. Get rid of him, he's no good.

Binned post.

Your wasting your time with this looser..I am sure you can do better,,,stop this relationship before you get hurt..

You bet this looser as other women on the go..This girl must think hard does she want too continue this relationship which sounds like it's not going anywhere or continue with the relationship and probably ends up pregnant and being a lone parent

He's looking to cause friction so you are the one he can blame when HE dumps you. Time to move on and find someone who respects you enough to not play games.

I thought this too. Also its trials and tribulations not tries - I know, I know grammer police but Id expect a dep head to be on top of this too.

You are clearly not on the same page- wanting you to get a promotion before he introduces you to his friends would be a huge red flag for me, it implies he is much more interested in career and image than relationships and home life. I think him wanting to wit for kids and you don't is a deal breaker on it's own without all the promotion bullshit- don't be upset he brought it up, better to know now so you can dump him and move on.

Tell him that you have thought about what he said about concentrating on your career and that he is right. Say you will concentrate on your career until the right man comes along. Then say goodbye to this controlling snob.

It’s an informal discussion board, she’s not sending a formal email or creating an online resource for her class.

It’s easy enough to make typos and spellings errors if you don’t proofread. I mean there’s errors in your post too - you misspelt grammar as “grammer”. And yeah, I make mistakes on here all the time too!

LTB.

HUGE red flag this. That, and I really don't think he's that into you TBH, sorry. Ditch him before it's too late, you deserve to be with someone who values you for who you are now.

You must be able to read the signs surely. He is a control freak and his behaviour is likely to turn abusive emotionally.Please leave the relationship and find someone who loves you as you are and truly wants you in all aspects of his life. This guy doesn’t want that.

either meet his friends without him or dump him . . . or both; no one has the right to upset you in such a callous way, bless you.

get rid of him ASAP. No questions, no nothing, row him out.... 50 ways to leave your lover and all that. He sounds really odd. Not to meet your friends for a year??! blaming a promotion? can't be true. If it is... then even odder.

Putting it bluntly, if this is how odd he is now, what happens if you have a kid with a serious illness, what if / when one of you gets ill and needs caring for? How are you going to cope with the bereavements, challenges, health issues that hit us all one day? He does NOT sound like he's on your team.

Good riddance.