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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

818 replies

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 26/08/2024 10:59

RandomMess · 26/08/2024 10:43

He wants a show wife.

Already has a wife, more like

HelenWheels · 26/08/2024 10:59

he is an idiot

Edingril · 26/08/2024 10:59

Of for goodness sake do you really think this is acceptable? Seriously?

BabaYetu · 26/08/2024 11:00

He didn’t want people to know how old he is AND he won’t let you meet anyone? So he’s vain, he’s ashamed of you and possibly has an actual girlfriend his friends know.

Jesus, mate, you deserve so much better. So, so much. I hope you find it and get a relationship in which you’re valued and loved.

morbidd · 26/08/2024 11:00

Yeah, goodbye.

magicmushrooms · 26/08/2024 11:01

Sorry but he is using you - if he is not proud to be by your side he does not deserve to be there. He is just telling you what you want to hear.

cut your losses now & ditch.

BunnyLake · 26/08/2024 11:01

What a horrible shallow man. Don’t stay with him, you are far too good for him! He has handed you a big red flag, you can look at it or pretend you don’t see it. Run 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

KimberleyClark · 26/08/2024 11:02

Please dump him. He’s pathetic. If he really loved you he would be delighted and proud to show you off to his friends regardless.

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 11:02

How should I dump him? In person?

OP posts:
morbidd · 26/08/2024 11:03

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 11:02

How should I dump him? In person?

Why bother being nice. Just send a text.

Tagyoureit · 26/08/2024 11:03

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:56

It was his birthday. He didnt want anyone to know about his age so he didnt tell anyone. So i organised a cake, gift and a nice restaurant for the two of us. Maybe it was over the top but I just thought he would appreciate it.

What you did was lovely, but wake up to the fact this man does not appreciate you or deserve you.

No man who loves you would be ashamed of you, ashamed of your job level and after a whole year, would have introduced you to friends and family by now.

Don't be one of these posters who asks for advice but then ignores the massive red flags that we can clearly see.

Can you imagine how you would feel if this guy doesn't want you coming out with him after you've had a baby because of the way you look? Because that is where this type of judgement is heading!!

Get out now!

DarkForces · 26/08/2024 11:03

Dump him with as much respect for his feelings as he's had for yours. Text and block.

Whattablet · 26/08/2024 11:03

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 11:02

How should I dump him? In person?

Are you incapable of your own thoughts on this? What a weird question.

5128gap · 26/08/2024 11:04

Not clear whether he means that your promotion would give a reason to celebrate and introduce you or whether he really had the brass neck to say you weren't good enough to be introduced until you had a better job? Regardless, he seems to be rapidly cooling off on your relationship. Whether you have been too full on (tbh YOU making the big fuss and taking HIS family out is a bit much maybe) or whether he's simply gone off the idea, it's hard to tell. All that's obvious here is he's putting the brakes on. He wants distance and to keep his friends separate. Up to you whether that's good enough.

Lindjam · 26/08/2024 11:04

A text will suffice.

Sorry Dick, I’m just not feeling it any more so we are finished. Take care.
Burrito

LoudSnoringDog · 26/08/2024 11:04

Dump him

StuckOnTheCeiling · 26/08/2024 11:05

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 11:02

How should I dump him? In person?

Come on, it’s not a choose your own adventure book. Boot the loser, spend some time single working out who you are and who you want to be, don’t allow losers back in to your life.

HelenWheels · 26/08/2024 11:05

fax him

no email texts phone
whatever way
dont let him persuade you please

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 26/08/2024 11:05

Well, it sounds like he's getting off on some kind of power trip/ gaslighting you, by encouraging all these ideas and then making out it's all come from you. He's in the driving seat of your relationship now.

The only way to respond to that is dump him immediately and say 'I'm not staying with anyone who thinks it's OK to piss about with my expectations' if he protests.

His only redeeming feature is that he views your promotion as a positive thing and something to be proud of.

cupcaske123 · 26/08/2024 11:05

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 11:02

How should I dump him? In person?

Just text him and say you're not working and it's time to call it a day. All the best. Then block him and move on.

WaltzingWaters · 26/08/2024 11:06

You respond by dumping his egotistical arse. The awful selfish prick. No good will come from a life with a man who thinks so little of you. You deserve much more.

Lovelycupofcoffee · 26/08/2024 11:06

You deserve better and he sounds like a bit of a melt being fair. Block him and move on

TheCookieCrumblesThisWay · 26/08/2024 11:06

Dump him but be prepared for him to give you just enough to keep you stringing along. Dump and block him is better

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 26/08/2024 11:06

He's a dickhead, don't bother being nice. Tell him it's not working out, so it's over.

angellinaballerina7 · 26/08/2024 11:06

id just ghost him tbh.