To think I’m going to have to give up work

[itfeelsstupid]

Because I can’t cope.

I can’t manage a demanding job (albeit 3 days a week but with a lot of ‘extra’ work) and two demanding children and no other support.

I might just be feeling overwhelmed but I am already thinking this isn’t going to be possible. It’s taking hours to settle children at night then I have the ‘night shift’ to do early starts and I can’t do it 😭

What job does your husband do?

As a short term solution, DH pays for an extra day of nursery on one of your off days so you can rest.

Long term, he submits a proper flexible working request. Yea, his career might stall a bit. Tough. Millions of women do it.,

Someone knows nothing about teaching

Ah right teaching. I am not a teacher but I see so many teachers complaining on here about their jobs that I'd say get out now! Find another part time job, in a shop perhaps? Something that doesn't get bought home with you.

Get the kids bedtime routine sorted. If you can get to the stage they are down and asleep by 8pm that will make a big difference to your energy levels.

There are threads on here about doing that which could help.

It’s time women stopped believing that these men with ‘big jobs’ can’t make adjustments to be there for their children. They can. They just won’t.

She hates her career though. Time to find a new one

Can you give your H lots more of the Internet based jobs to be responsible for then he can at least do them in his lunch break? I’m thinking insurance, birthdays, holiday planning etc.

Get a slow cooker so that your H can also put this on before he goes to work.

Lower your standards while your kids are small, no ironing!

Get a robot hoover and set it on auto.

Etc.

I understand the people on this thread saying, ‘you’re only part time, just work your hours and then switch off and go home’ but in teaching, you know it doesn’t really work like that. There are no set ‘hours’, the work just has to be done and there is always an observation, learning walk, Ofsted, Mocksted, Deep Dive, PM review, triangulation, book scrutiny etc etc to check up on you-it’s endless. My teaching days are generally leaving the house at 7.30 and getting home at 5.30/6 with stuff still to do.

There are 160,000+ members now on the Exit the classroom and thrive Facebook group and about 40,000 teachers left the job last year-this suggests you are not alone in feeling like you do. Teaching should be (and used to be) a nice job-supporting children, having some autonomy and flexibility over doing what’s best within your classroom, watching those lightbulb moments, but there is too much that’s broken in education now.

could you get some paid help? Someone who could make tea for everyone and look after kids while you do your planning and marking.

Or put them in nursery an extra day and get a cleaner.

If you can afford to on your husbands wages, then yes, give up work and become a SAHM if you think that is what you need to do. However, make sure it is agreed that his wages is family money and you have equal access to it, not just ‘his’ wages.

@itfeelsstupid I'm a teacher and HoD of a core subject so I absolutely understand the demands of the job. I'm full time, but I understand that 3 days doesn't equate to just 3 days work. Are you primary or secondary?

How old are your children? I am assuming they are young still?

Sorry if this advice is stuff you do/have tried but somethings that might help.

• If you can, outsource some of the house stuff e.g. send some ironing to a local ironing service - even if it's just work and school clothes. Or, can you afford a cleaner - maybe just 2 hours a week?

*I don't have either of the above. I iron all school/work clothes on a Sunday- takes me about an hour. Hang in wardrobes- means I don't have to think about it during the week. I make sure we have enough clothes to cover the week so no mid week washing.

*Shopping- can you do online and get it delivered?

*Simplyfy meals in the week - on the days you work, soup, beans on toast, sandwiches with fruit/cheese etc is fine. On the other days, still keep it simple. I also try to cook something on a Sunday that will do a couple of days in the week e.g. a curry or bolognaise. Nothing wrong with having the same thing twice.

*School stuff - as I say, not sure if you are primary or secondary. I'm secondary.
Get in as early as you can and leave as late as possible on the days you work. Use the time to do as much as you can in school. I quite often work through lunch as well.
Set time limits for tasks - otherwise they expand to fill time! Sometimes, we have to accept good enough.
Use your PPA wisely - I don't go chatting with colleagues (unsociable maybe 😂) and plan what I am going to do in those slots.
Use self/peer/live marking in lessons. If primary, I know in some written comments are expected but try to do it as you circulate and if you have a TA, get them to help.
Check you are not being expected to do more tasks than you should be. Some schools are terrible for assigning part time staff the same as full time.

*discussion needed with your DH - yes he works a lot but there also needs to be some support for you at weekends/evenings to lessen the load.

My daughter left teaching after 9 years when her children were 4 and 6. Her OH works away a couple of nights a week and she was just finding it too much of a struggle
She had a .4 contract so was paid for 2 days a week but reckoned she was working 30 hours most weeks. She worked Sunday afternoon and evening preparing then she was at school from 7-6pm on Monday and Tuesday + having to do marking etc on Monday evening.
She works as an office manager now - 20 hours per week over 4 days and is much happier. Sad though as she was such a lovely committed teacher 😔

I'm a teacher and managed to make part time work throughout my dc's childhood. One key factor though was that my DH worked at home for many years. Another was having a good breakfast club and after school club on tap.

But if you can't, how about a office/ receptionist type job during school hours? Something with no take home work involved.

She hasn't said she hates it, she has just said it's too much since she is having to do all the childcare too. She can't get rid of her kids and won't make their dad do his part so the only solution is to give up her career. I think that's wrong, their dad should step up so she can keep her career going. It will be worth it in the long run unless she hates teaching but that's not been expressed.

How old are your children? I found that things got significantly easier once mine stated school. Another event that made things massively easier was splitting from exh, suddenly the kids were at his 1 or 2 days a week and I had time to do things/or nothing for the first time in years (not recommending this for you btw).

Are you a teacher? Imo part time teaching doesn't exist. They will always swamp you on your days off. There will always be meetings parents evenings open evenings. I would suggest finding a different job until the children are older and then going back to it with all your energy. I am planning the same.

If you're not a teacher, I'll just shut up!

how old are the DC? Do they have disabilities (they way you worded it sounded like they may need lot more support than a typical child).

If you can, stay on work. Let DH do the night shift. What happens if you don't do the night shift and just carry on sleeping?

I would recommend that you try to continue to work in case of a change in circumstances. You never know what could happen to your OH so keeping your earning potential can be useful. Is there a way to make your job more manageable eg switch to a TA role or remove any specialisms/extra responsibilities. If you can keep your toe in when they are little it doesn’t take that many years until they don’t need you so much and then you can increase your hours/responsibilities again. Also try to get your other half to help more give you are both working.

edited as didn’t originally spot you say you are in teaching.

Fair enough.

Yes if OP loves teaching then her partner needs to help her stay in teaching.

Most teachers seem to hate it though

I understand, I’m not able to work at all due to ASD ADHD and ME. You sound like you need to try to cut down hours first and see how you feel then reassess

Yes this!
I was (still am) a single parent working 4 days a week (workload of full time), totally knackered all the time plus the considerable mental strain of being the bread winner.
It does get easier as they get older.

I've got three teacher friends who have left teaching in the last three years. One does event planning, one is a term time only pre-school teacher and one friend now works as a high level TA. All really happy in their new jobs although quite a big pay drop for the TA and pre-school teacher. Another friend has worked as a TA for 10 years (no teacher degree) and has just been promoted to be a cover teacher three days a week so seems like you could take years out of teaching and then return when things are easier at home.

We can’t afford for DH to go part time: in all honesty probably can’t afford for me to give up work either but his is the main income. Feeling quite overwhelmed and unhappy.

It sounds like you don’t need to reduce your hours, but you’re feeling forced to because your husband doesn’t want to parent his own children or look after his own home. Have you asked him why he actively chose to become a parent, yet has decided to opt of being a responsible parent?