I don't get it? I need help understanding 😔

[KEvLA]

Let me introduce myself.
I have a 9m old DS, 3 year old DD and a 5yr old DS. I have a lovely relationship with my inlaws.
My SIL had an 8yr old DS, a 5yr old DS- and a 2yr old. My kids have an absolutely beautiful relationship with their cousins - specially my 5yr DS - he sees them as best friends and can't wait to see them whenever we meet up and we all have a fab time. He doesn't stop talking about my husband's family, even living so far away lol
My PIL have a house abroad, it's been theirs since the 90s so all their second home.

My SIL declared a friend's holiday family this year rather than the usual family one ( booked early for August, which suited us brilliant as my family lived abroad in another country so we were going to look at all inclusive.
Wow the prices! My husband was gutted that there wasn't going to be a holiday abroad, to which I replied - next year we'll go when we have more money. I'm desperate to see my auntie and also equally as gutted too.

So my husband was determined to go for a holiday abroad and even though it was booked out for the summer, early September was available and my kids (their second home abroad) would still be excited as hell as they have a pool which is purely theirs to use for a whole week!
I randomly see that my FIL is in my SIL Facebook photos.. to which I was like, ok he's the sort of impulsive person who'd pop over for the weekend. I thought we could maybe ask him to the same with us too. THEN I find out both my PIL are there (this is their house and they have a little house at the bottom)
On a usual family holiday the kids are up and down to see them whenever they want and they come up for tea time and drinks with us all

So on finding this out I went ape shit - my children live 300m away from their grandparents so it was always lovely for them to spend a few days/week or so with their grandparents ( they make little effort at home) but when. They're there, wow they're fantastic!! I'm in awe.
Their other grandchildren live 15m down the road so see them whenever they want, totally normal as this is one of those child/parent close relationship).
They brush it off when we asked about it as my SIL had said - friend holiday.
They turn on my husband telling him he's unjustified by taking about it, and told him he was guilt tripping them about it. I'm livid for him when he basically said that this was "his life". Never seen it so evidently, wow.
So they're there having a mini family holiday to which my Husband was told by his BIL
They don't really come up but I saw that - they go up for drinks and food - as the do on a usual family holiday SMH.
They had a cancellation so they went early - my MIL said this.

Mother mode - *My children who adore and don't see their Grandparents a lot but, as I said - brilliant hands affectionate - they all snuggle up with eachother in the morning 💞.
They don't have any summer holiday abroad, even 2 days!! They're friends kid even does SMh. with them. They're all over there on their mini family holiday, justifying it all turned on my husband and my kids who live 300m away - perfect opportunity to spend time with their grandparents are not included, however last minute the flight was and however much they try to justify it.

I AM NOT EXAGGERATING WHEN I SAY I AM LIVID!

I've written this on here because it's eating me up and it's festering me inside I don't want to put all this on my husband when he's also feeling gutted. We all know that children talk and this will inevitably be brought up (same with another instance).

AIBU?

As we know us women go into lioness mode and our children are our world and I'll do anything to protect their feelings. My son is so intelligent , he'll be confused, upset or who knows?
I understand this is IF it's brought up by his cousin as I certainly won't!

I don’t get it. You said that they said they were having a holiday with a friend’s family this year and, originally, that suited you because you wanted to holiday alone with with your DH and DC at an all inclusive near your family abroad. So you didn’t say to them you’d like to do a family holiday too or come along for your DC to see their DC or grandparents because you were also happy holidaying alone.

Then because you looked last minute at all inclusive holidays and they were out of your budget you’re now livid that you don’t get to go abroad with your in laws who you didn’t even plan to see originally when you were going to holiday alone?

Sounds like poor planning and communication on your part OP

I don’t think that’s necessarily even the case? As I understand it, the SIL said she was going to holiday with friends at her parents’ holiday home this year, and the OP was fine with that and made other arrangements. She went ‘LIVID’ only when she saw her PILs were also at the property, in a separate little house — they say they had a cancellation and decided to go there earlier than planned, hence overlapping with their daughter and her friends.

It’s not clear what the SIL thinks of this. She might not be thrilled at her parents’ unexpected presence on her holiday with friends, if it’s true they decided to go unexpectedly. Both parties say the PILs aren’t going up to the main house much. The OP thinks they’re lying, and that they’re lying about having decided to go unexpectedly after a cancellation, and that she and her family were excluded from a family holiday.

I don’t see that there’s any evidence for one reading of the situation over the other, on what I understand of the OP.

It doesn’t on the face of it seem at all unlikely that the PILs had a cancellation at the little house and decided to travel earlier than planned, and to be deliberately keeping away from their daughter and friends at the main house to give them some privacy.

I'm afraid your post is very difficult to understand. Is it that you’re furious because your in-laws had a holiday together without inviting you? If so, I understand that you’re hurt that they apparently deceived you about it, but tbh if what you’ve written is typical of the way you react to disappointment I’m not surprised they tried to avoid all the histrionics by hiding it from you.

To be 'absolutely livid' because your in-laws had a holiday without you, and your five-year-old didn’t get the holiday with his cousins he would have enjoyed, is ridiculous. I hope you're not encouraging your children to feel hard-done-by and hold a grievance against their grandparents.

I suspect English isn't the OP'S first language and this phrase might be a literal translation of an idiom in her first language.

You'll like it even less when you'll find, like me, that the OP hasn't been back and the thread is 6 pages deep.

And thanks to other posters for deciphering it all. I pity the poor OP's DH.

Yes it is. Why? It's his parents and his sister. He should have disowned them years ago /jk

As we know us women go into lioness mode and our children are our world and I'll do anything to protect their feelings. My son is so intelligent , he'll be confused, upset or who knows?
There is absolutely no need to go into lioness mode over a holiday, however it IS your job to teach your children how to manage expectations and disappointments. It seems your parents forgot to do this.

@KEvLA I can't work out if you're deranged or just drunk!

Perhaps re-read the post when sober and edit???

It just comes across as jealousy that you're not having an abroad holiday this year.

And, um. Cancel the cheque?.. ..maybe?
Definitely ducks in a row.
And a nice cup of camomile to calm you down.

Sounds like they didn't want to invite you, but knew you would be "livid" so they lied.

They shouldn't have lied, but you sound WAY too emotional about this.

Family members are entitled to spend time with other family members without inviting anyone... in fact it is healthy to foster individual relationships.

the OP was fine with that until she discovered that she couldn’t afford her own AI AND that her PILs were also at their holiday property, where they have a separate house on the grounds, because they’d had a cancellation (presumably the rent it out) and decided on impulse to go early?

I think this is the crux of it

Please explain how you went 'APE SHIT'??

Clearly just written to be as confusing as possible. It's tedious how posts like this pop up during the night.

Bit rude to call replies 'bitchy' when you then go on to write that you're unclear and confused too.
OP could have chosen to write clearly, I gave up at the first bit where a load of peoples ages were being listed.

Yeah, this. I'm not sure I would have told you about it, either. No need for this reaction because they went on holiday. Perhaps the cousins wanted to enjoy some time with their grandparents alone. Completely normal.

It's worth thinking about whether they decided not to tell you because you would have gone 'apeshit' on them and whether you often overreact. This seems so extreme.

This is your PIL’s house, not yours.

I don’t see that they have lied at all either!

As I understand it, the in-laws have been going away together as a family for the past 30+ years. Since you have been on the scene, they have invited you to join them.
This year, they decided to invite friends to join them instead. That is 100% their right, they have done nothing wrong, they do not owe you a holiday. You have no right at all to be angry.

And all the ‘lioness’ nonsense is ridiculous. If the holiday is mentioned to your son by his cousin (unlikely if they live 300miles away, presumably it will be old news by the time they meet again) just say “Darling, we can’t go with granny and grandad every year, sometimes it’s nice to have holidays separately, there are lots of ways to have holdiays”. End of!

@TwinklyAmberOrca I can't tell if the OP is going to PIL in September or somewhere else abroad??

So, you weren’t planning to do the family holiday anyway because you wanted to see your side of the family (very reasonable)? Were you planning on banning them from doing anything together to ensure your children didn’t miss out in these circumstances too?

Your holiday hasn’t gone ahead, the rest of the world doesn’t have to come to a standstill and alter their plans for this. You still have a wonderful holiday planned at your ILs house, but I feel like if it was my house and I read this drivel, you wouldn’t be using it again!

@ActualChips

its one thing to be a bit confused it's quite another to say some of the bitchy things people posted. I don't have the time or inclination to go back through the thread to list them all for you.

i think they were bitchy, you don't, fine I'm happy to have my opinion & you have yours.

Que?

I have no idea what you’re talking about. Your thread is so difficult to follow.

OP has form for posting once then buggering off.

And a year ago was posting about her near 5 yo DS's bad behaviour. Unpredictable, destructive, bites, throws, hits and kicks. It renders him (in her own words) "unpunishable".

Might it be that the chaos/intensity and the dynamic OP beings means that PIL and SIL are not as content to play "happy families" as she is?

I was going to say this thread is over as OP isn't returning

Suddenly, everything is clearer.

Your post is impossible to follow.

Would like to comment but can't make head nor tail of the original post 🤔
If you come back OP maybe try again