I don't get it? I need help understanding 😔

[KEvLA]

Let me introduce myself.
I have a 9m old DS, 3 year old DD and a 5yr old DS. I have a lovely relationship with my inlaws.
My SIL had an 8yr old DS, a 5yr old DS- and a 2yr old. My kids have an absolutely beautiful relationship with their cousins - specially my 5yr DS - he sees them as best friends and can't wait to see them whenever we meet up and we all have a fab time. He doesn't stop talking about my husband's family, even living so far away lol
My PIL have a house abroad, it's been theirs since the 90s so all their second home.

My SIL declared a friend's holiday family this year rather than the usual family one ( booked early for August, which suited us brilliant as my family lived abroad in another country so we were going to look at all inclusive.
Wow the prices! My husband was gutted that there wasn't going to be a holiday abroad, to which I replied - next year we'll go when we have more money. I'm desperate to see my auntie and also equally as gutted too.

So my husband was determined to go for a holiday abroad and even though it was booked out for the summer, early September was available and my kids (their second home abroad) would still be excited as hell as they have a pool which is purely theirs to use for a whole week!
I randomly see that my FIL is in my SIL Facebook photos.. to which I was like, ok he's the sort of impulsive person who'd pop over for the weekend. I thought we could maybe ask him to the same with us too. THEN I find out both my PIL are there (this is their house and they have a little house at the bottom)
On a usual family holiday the kids are up and down to see them whenever they want and they come up for tea time and drinks with us all

So on finding this out I went ape shit - my children live 300m away from their grandparents so it was always lovely for them to spend a few days/week or so with their grandparents ( they make little effort at home) but when. They're there, wow they're fantastic!! I'm in awe.
Their other grandchildren live 15m down the road so see them whenever they want, totally normal as this is one of those child/parent close relationship).
They brush it off when we asked about it as my SIL had said - friend holiday.
They turn on my husband telling him he's unjustified by taking about it, and told him he was guilt tripping them about it. I'm livid for him when he basically said that this was "his life". Never seen it so evidently, wow.
So they're there having a mini family holiday to which my Husband was told by his BIL
They don't really come up but I saw that - they go up for drinks and food - as the do on a usual family holiday SMH.
They had a cancellation so they went early - my MIL said this.

Mother mode - *My children who adore and don't see their Grandparents a lot but, as I said - brilliant hands affectionate - they all snuggle up with eachother in the morning 💞.
They don't have any summer holiday abroad, even 2 days!! They're friends kid even does SMh. with them. They're all over there on their mini family holiday, justifying it all turned on my husband and my kids who live 300m away - perfect opportunity to spend time with their grandparents are not included, however last minute the flight was and however much they try to justify it.

I AM NOT EXAGGERATING WHEN I SAY I AM LIVID!

I've written this on here because it's eating me up and it's festering me inside I don't want to put all this on my husband when he's also feeling gutted. We all know that children talk and this will inevitably be brought up (same with another instance).

AIBU?

As we know us women go into lioness mode and our children are our world and I'll do anything to protect their feelings. My son is so intelligent , he'll be confused, upset or who knows?
I understand this is IF it's brought up by his cousin as I certainly won't!

It sounds like your PIL have a holiday home consisting of two separate buildings. Your SIL has gone on holiday with friends and your PIL are also there staying in the other building?

Your SIL does not have to include you in every holiday and can go away with her friends if she likes. Your PIL can stay in their own holiday home whenever they like and do not have to invite everyone else. It would be strange if they didn’t spend any time with SIL when staying in the same place.

YABU for being “livid” over this.

So SIL went to the parents holiday home in August saying that they wanted a holiday with friends instead of family

But you assumed this meant that PIL wouldn't also be going, even though they stay in the main house and visiting family use the house in the garden ? Could it be that PIL just wanted to use their own house and because the SIL kids are there, they pop in to see each other ?

And you're going to the house in the garden in September and were going to ask PIL if they'd like to pop in but now you're mad because you found out that they popped in on SIL ?

So both SIL and you get holiday time at the spare house but you want to dictate when PIL can use the main house ? Or you're just annoyed that your 5 year old didn't holiday with his 5 year old cousin ? Why not just invite the cousin to come with you in September ?

It's not your house to demand who does and does not stay there and when. If PIL decided last minute to go they don't have to consult you. It's their house.
YABU. You have no grounds for being livid.

Yes, you may find your children disappointed if/when they find out but this is an opportunity to help build their resilience.

CBA to try and untangle this one. Must be exhausting OP.

If SIL has gone with the friends they said they were going with then I don't see an issue.

PIL are entitled to use their holiday home whenever they like.

Shame you aren't going all together this year but there's always next year.

Sorry to say, but I do think your reaction here might be a little indication of why all the plans weren't laid out to you in full.

Baffling. Can't work out what's happened.

What does “brilliant hands affectionate” mean?

Are you 300 metres or 300 miles away?

I don’t understand most of this, not least of all the distance (or lack thereof) thing.

Can you be clear. The only way I think you could be upset is if they all lied, so SIL/BIL said going away with friends instead of you but then didn’t and went with PIL instead? But then part of your story seems to refer to SIL/BIL friends children on the holiday, which would indicate they did go on holiday with friends not you? Or maybe I have that wrong, as it was confusing. Also didn’t understand about not having the money this year but having it the next yet being upset at not going this year etc.

to recap:

Your PIL own a holiday home that they rent out part of.

Your SIL & BIL decided they didn’t want to do a big family gathering this year with (at least) 6 adults and 6 children under 10 and have a friends’ trip scheduled instead. You and your DH thus schedule to go to your PIL’s holiday home in September with just your three children, which you expect your children to love.

Your PIL have a cancellation at the rental during the week your BIL & SIL are there with friends and decide to go spend the weekend at their own home while they’re there.

And you’re melting down because you don’t believe they should be allowed to do this? Even though your family has a trip there scheduled in a few weeks, and you could initiate plans with your PIL yourselves?

I’m starting to think your SIL & BIL wanted a break from family holidays for a reason. This is nuts.

They're allowed to go on holiday without you.

Thank you for managing to decipher that!

I concur. OP, you're nuts.

You sound utterly bonkers. Take a big deep breath. You don’t understand why your in-laws might want to holiday without you? Well perhaps because you fly off the handle and are LIVID about things and seem very entitled. Perhaps they want a relaxed time with less drama. Don’t give anyone a hard time. Reflect on why they might not want to hang out with you and try to be more easy going if you want your DC to benefit from the family relationships.

I don't really understand what they've done wrong? There was a change of plans so they all went last minute, you're going in September anyway?

Ooh there was a cancellation, so your PIL went to join them? You have no reason to be annoyed I'm afraid.

There was no plan to exclude you.

A whole lot of mumble jumble

Your family wanted a different dynamic, went with friends and pil joined them as they could stay in a separate close by property. What part are you struggling to get? You love going away with them all but they wanted something different that worked for them this year. The only u part is you bring LIVID. How dare you try to guilt trip and dictate how others should holiday.

This ! 300m what ffs … miles , metres , minutes. What a disjointed post.

I have tried so hard, and I cannot understand this post at all.

Isn't your 5yo in school in September?

People are allowed to holiday separately from each other, even when they are family. You need to apologise for yelling at your in-laws.

Please proofread your future posts, that was a total mess and makes you come across as an overly emotional lunatic.

See I knew there would be trouble when Oasis got back together

My head just exploded. I’m imagining this being an unseen text in an English exam 😂

They have hosted your family for years in a villas with a pool and this year SIL went with friends. I can’t see what she has done wrong? They don’t have to holiday with you every year. Where PIL are isn’t really your business.

Your post really doesn't make sense OP but I think you're basically upset that your in laws went on holiday without you and were sneaky about it?

I do get why this upsets you. My DH's family actively avoid any contact with him or my dd whilst absolutely doting on my SIL and her kids. It's heartbreaking that they make it obvious they don't care about us. Ignore the idiots on here who are making out you just want a free holiday. They're probably the favourite child themselves so don't get it. It isn't about free stuff it's about feeling like you're fighting for love, time and even respect from the very people it should come naturally.

I've learned the hard way though that there's really no point in battling. You will mostly just be gaslit into being in the wrong and you won't change how they feel. Just live your life, don't rely on them and make a pact that you're doing nothing to help them when they grow older. The golden child can do all that.

I hope that answers your question whatever it was...

It sounds like you have been fortunate, in previous years, to have accommodation provided by the in-laws.

This year, they had other plans. Their other plans are not the problem, but your feelings of entitlement to their property and time are. Taking anything for granted often leads to envy and disappointment.

Have you been reactive, or high needs emotionally, in the past with them? They might be trying to safeguard some emotionally light and relaxing time for themselves. Let it go, many people don’t go on holiday each year. Your children won’t be scared for life, unless you make it into a thing. Focus on relationships not gains.

I’ve no idea why pp’s can’t understand your post op.

Your in-laws have been sneaky and you’re upset.
Unfortunately dd’s are often the favourites. You need to distance your ds from his cousin a little if you’re to protect his feelings in the future.
Otherwise it’s your dh’s battle to fight.