I don't get it? I need help understanding 😔

[KEvLA]

Let me introduce myself.
I have a 9m old DS, 3 year old DD and a 5yr old DS. I have a lovely relationship with my inlaws.
My SIL had an 8yr old DS, a 5yr old DS- and a 2yr old. My kids have an absolutely beautiful relationship with their cousins - specially my 5yr DS - he sees them as best friends and can't wait to see them whenever we meet up and we all have a fab time. He doesn't stop talking about my husband's family, even living so far away lol
My PIL have a house abroad, it's been theirs since the 90s so all their second home.

My SIL declared a friend's holiday family this year rather than the usual family one ( booked early for August, which suited us brilliant as my family lived abroad in another country so we were going to look at all inclusive.
Wow the prices! My husband was gutted that there wasn't going to be a holiday abroad, to which I replied - next year we'll go when we have more money. I'm desperate to see my auntie and also equally as gutted too.

So my husband was determined to go for a holiday abroad and even though it was booked out for the summer, early September was available and my kids (their second home abroad) would still be excited as hell as they have a pool which is purely theirs to use for a whole week!
I randomly see that my FIL is in my SIL Facebook photos.. to which I was like, ok he's the sort of impulsive person who'd pop over for the weekend. I thought we could maybe ask him to the same with us too. THEN I find out both my PIL are there (this is their house and they have a little house at the bottom)
On a usual family holiday the kids are up and down to see them whenever they want and they come up for tea time and drinks with us all

So on finding this out I went ape shit - my children live 300m away from their grandparents so it was always lovely for them to spend a few days/week or so with their grandparents ( they make little effort at home) but when. They're there, wow they're fantastic!! I'm in awe.
Their other grandchildren live 15m down the road so see them whenever they want, totally normal as this is one of those child/parent close relationship).
They brush it off when we asked about it as my SIL had said - friend holiday.
They turn on my husband telling him he's unjustified by taking about it, and told him he was guilt tripping them about it. I'm livid for him when he basically said that this was "his life". Never seen it so evidently, wow.
So they're there having a mini family holiday to which my Husband was told by his BIL
They don't really come up but I saw that - they go up for drinks and food - as the do on a usual family holiday SMH.
They had a cancellation so they went early - my MIL said this.

Mother mode - *My children who adore and don't see their Grandparents a lot but, as I said - brilliant hands affectionate - they all snuggle up with eachother in the morning 💞.
They don't have any summer holiday abroad, even 2 days!! They're friends kid even does SMh. with them. They're all over there on their mini family holiday, justifying it all turned on my husband and my kids who live 300m away - perfect opportunity to spend time with their grandparents are not included, however last minute the flight was and however much they try to justify it.

I AM NOT EXAGGERATING WHEN I SAY I AM LIVID!

I've written this on here because it's eating me up and it's festering me inside I don't want to put all this on my husband when he's also feeling gutted. We all know that children talk and this will inevitably be brought up (same with another instance).

AIBU?

As we know us women go into lioness mode and our children are our world and I'll do anything to protect their feelings. My son is so intelligent , he'll be confused, upset or who knows?
I understand this is IF it's brought up by his cousin as I certainly won't!

I think we're all rather confused here.

@KEvLA if you read your post back I think you will see that it is very hard for a reader to understand as it doesn’t make sense. Are you saying they went away together? If so, they are entitled to without you having such an extreme response. Are you very emotional and over-the-top in real life? Did the in laws maybe just want a holiday without having to deal with this? It sounds like you see them a lot and maybe they needed a break.

Don't understand what I've just read

LTB?

So your pil and sil love 300 miles away from you but only 15 miles from each other?

Sil usually invites you to stay but didn't as having friends to stay

Pil have been visiting sil during that time period

Surely if pil are close by they pop in when ever?

Why don't you invite them to visit next holidays?

Really difficult to understand your OP. So your sil and bil said they were going to the family home abroad with friends this year? But then your pils have gone whilst they were there with friends to stay in a separate building? Is that correct? Are you jealous that the friends kids are having time with your children’s grandparents? Or have they actually lied and friends are not there? Or perhaps the original plan was for friends to go but for whatever reason it didn’t happen. I think you need to take a step back and calm down. If it’s their house they are entitled to go whenever they want. You sound jealous and quite dramatic.

PILs own a holiday home abroad. OP, her SIL and PIL holiday there together every year. The PILs actually stay in a separate part of the property.

This year SIL decided to holiday with friends at the family home rather than with OP and PILs. OP will holiday there just with her DP and DC in September. And this was all fine.

But now OP has seen that PILs travelled out to stay in the separate part of the property at the same time SIL is there and is now feeling rejected and that her family has been left out. This feeling is understandable, however the rage is not.

I don't understand the parts about all-inclusive and not being able to have even 2 days abroad.

OP appears to feel slighted and now mentions that DP also feels regularly excluded/treated differently from his family. This was not apparent in the earlier statements about how well everyone gets on and the wonderful family holidays. We can't comment on whether that is justified. However SIL and family live close to PIL so see one another much more frequently so this may be due to proximity and convenience rather than malevolence.

OP, you can't dictate everyone's holiday arrangements in their own family holiday home. I can understand disappointment at feeling left out. But you need to have calm discussions to figure out if the big group family holidays work for everyone and if everyone wants to continue to do them. Calmly explain to them how much that family time means to you because you live further away. They are allowed to share the house with friends though and they are not required to do the same holiday with you every year. Especially if you would prefer to holiday with your family and the only reason you are not is because you can't afford it.

Don't have a tantrum. No-one wants to holiday with that.

I think you need to stop thinking of it as 'your holiday house'. It isn't. It's your in laws holiday house.

Possibilities...

1. Their ds does not like your ds as much as yours likes theirs.
2. It's possible from the ott reaction by you that you're not the calmest person in the world. Maybe they wanted some peace on holiday.

Not a clue 🤷‍♀️

Literally no idea what this is all about...could you simplify it in 3 short bullet points???

But despite the incredible length and wealth of irrelevant detail, you’ve left out all the important details. Had you asked your SIL if she wanted to go to your PILs at the same time — is this what you usually do? Don’t you have to wait for an invitation from your PILs, whose house it is? Your SIL said she was going on holiday with friends this year — but why is this relevant? Couldn’t you still go to your Pils’ house without her? You were initially fine with your SIL going on holiday with friends and planned to have your own separate foreign holiday, until you found out you couldn’t afford it. Then you saw on SM that your SIL was holidaying at your PILs’ house, and that your PILs were present, and went apeshit, but it’s not clear whether this is because you feel your PILs should have invited you, or because of the ‘beautiful’ relationship your kids have with their cousins? You’re completely incoherent.

I must say that if the OP in person is anything like her post (voluble, fuming, totally incoherent, over the top as an opera), she’s not someone I’d fancy as a holiday companion.

Me too.

I’ve been trying to decipher it and the all inclusive is the bit that’s confusing me as well.

I’ve read this twice now and still none the wiser, I was worried I was having a stroke or something 😂.

The title of this thread sums up my response to it.

Unless OP comes back and clarifies then I'm not sure it's comprehensible.

Only thing is that it's OK to feel a bit hurt but at the same time OP should not automatically expect a guaranteed holiday there. It's PIL's house.

If I understand this correctly, your SIL said she was using the house for a friends holiday, so no big family holiday this year. But then you are pictures that show it was a family holiday, but one that was initially kept secret from you and you weren’t invited to? And the grandparents live 300 miles away from you, while SIL lives close to them, so it would have been nice if the GP had wanted to see your kids

I asked ChatGPT to clarify this and copied and pasted the OP.

It came up with this:
Certainly! Here’s a clearer, more organized version of your message:

Introduction:

•	I have a 9-month-old son (DS), a 3-year-old daughter (DD), and a 5-year-old son (DS).
•	I have a great relationship with my in-laws, and my kids have a wonderful bond with their cousins, especially my 5-year-old son, who considers them his best friends.

Background:

•	My sister-in-law (SIL) has an 8-year-old son, a 5-year-old son, and a 2-year-old child.
•	My in-laws (PIL) own a second home abroad, which has been in the family since the 1990s.
•	Normally, we all go on a family holiday together at this home.

Current Situation:

•	This year, my SIL decided to go on a holiday with friends instead of our usual family holiday. They booked their trip for August, which worked out for us because we planned to visit my family abroad.
•	However, the prices for an all-inclusive holiday were too high, so we decided to wait until next year to travel.

Our Plan:

•	My husband was determined to still have a holiday abroad, so we booked a week at my in-laws’ house in early September. My kids were excited to use the pool and spend time at their grandparents’ second home.

The Discovery:

•	I noticed my father-in-law (FIL) in a Facebook photo posted by my SIL, which surprised me. I assumed he had impulsively decided to visit for the weekend.
•	Then, I found out that both of my in-laws were actually there, staying in their little house on the property.

Why I’m Upset:

•	My children don’t see their grandparents often, even though we live only 300 meters away from them. When we do visit them abroad, my kids love spending time with their grandparents, who are very affectionate and attentive.
•	My in-laws seem more engaged when we’re abroad than when we’re at home, so these trips are very special for my kids.
•	However, on this trip, my in-laws are spending time with my SIL and her kids, essentially having a mini-family holiday without us. They didn’t inform us or invite us to join, which feels like a betrayal.
•	When we questioned them about it, they dismissed our concerns, saying it was just a “friend’s holiday” organized by my SIL.
•	My husband tried to express his feelings about the situation but was told he was unjustified and guilt-tripping them, which left him hurt and upset.

My Concerns:

•	I’m furious because this was a missed opportunity for my children to spend quality time with their grandparents, especially since they don’t get to go on a summer holiday abroad this year.
•	I worry that my kids, particularly my 5-year-old, will be confused and hurt if they learn about this from their cousins.
•	I’m also struggling because I don’t want to burden my husband with my feelings when he’s already feeling down about the situation.

AIBU (Am I Being Unreasonable)?

•	I don’t think I’m being unreasonable for feeling this way. As a mother, I want to protect my children’s feelings, and I’m deeply disappointed by how this situation has played out.
•	I’m seeking advice because this is really bothering me, and I don’t want it to fester inside me.

This version is organized into sections, making it easier to read and understand the situation.

The original is definitely not written by ChatGPT!

I’m not sure if this is an accurate summary but it’s done it’s best with the limited info it had.

This sounds like a lot of fuss about nothing. Are you just upset because you didn't get a free holiday?

They probably asked ChatGPT to turn it into gobbledygook that nobody can understand.....

@ILuvfur5
I think that’s accurate apart from who lives where. Op lives 300 miles away from her in laws. SIL, BIL, MIL, FIL all live close to one another. That’s why she’s distressed. It feels like her children and dh are an afterthoughts.

In summary...

The text is a personal account from a mother of three children (9 months, 3 years, and 5 years old) who is upset about a recent situation involving her in-laws. The family usually goes on holiday together at the in-laws’ second home abroad. However, this year, her sister-in-law (SIL) planned a holiday with friends instead. Due to high prices, the author’s family postponed their own travel plans but later booked a trip to the in-laws’ house for early September.

Unexpectedly, the author discovered through a Facebook post that her in-laws were already staying there with the SIL and her children without informing or inviting her family. The author feels hurt because her children, who rarely see their grandparents, missed an opportunity for quality time with them. She is particularly upset as her children enjoy the attention they receive from their grandparents during these trips abroad, which is different from their interactions back home.

When confronted, the in-laws downplayed the situation, saying it was just a friend’s trip organized by the SIL. The author’s husband tried to express his hurt but was dismissed, leaving him feeling down.

The author is struggling with anger and concerns about how her children, especially the 5-year-old, will react if they learn about the situation. She feels conflicted about whether her feelings are justified and seeks advice to cope with the disappointment without causing further strain on her family.

Yabu.

Your sil is entitled to go on holiday with her friends without inviting you.

Your in laws are entitled to use their own holiday home whenever they want to, even if sil is there and you are not.

Dont let their photos and holiday spoil what is left of the summer holidays, look forwards to your holiday in September and move on

So essentially your sil and pils went on a mini family holiday, lied about it by saying they were holidaying with friends this year

You didn't book anything but managed to get a late booking for Sept. You saw the sil/pils holiday pics on Facebook and now the inlaws are defensive after being found out

Thankyou.

You're wasting your time being livid OP. For whatever reason they wanted their own group. It's not nice being left out. Enjoy the holiday you've booked and let it go

Thanks @CandiedPrincess

Op there's no point in getting angry. They wanted to go on holiday together and for whatever reason, didn't want to tell you.

It doesn't matter that they live close. People live with their own families and go on holiday together. So what? They enjoy their time together and want to go away.

The fact they were secretive about it is what's hurtful and you have to figure out the reason.

Did they want to avoid upsetting you and dh?
Did they know you'd react like this?
Do they just not want to spend time with you and dh?
Do they just get on well and have a nice dynamic that they wanted to keep?
Are they mean and horrible and is it better that you and dh start to have less contact?

Put your energy into going forward and stop being angry about it.

Oh, that makes more sense. I wasn’t grasping why the OP appeared to fume only when a photo suggested her PILs were also present at what is, after all, apparently their second home.

So the SIL had forewarned the OP that she wasn’t doing a family holiday this year, but had invited friends to stay with her and her children at her parents’ holiday home, and the OP was fine with that until she discovered that she couldn’t afford her own AI AND that her PILs were also at their holiday property, where they have a separate house on the grounds, because they’d had a cancellation (presumably the rent it out) and decided on impulse to go early? And this is unfair because they live 300 miles away from her children at home, and don’t visit much, but suddenly become amazing at the holiday home? And because the SIL’s children will tell the OP’s they saw their grandparents?

And then there’s a lot of world salad about ‘brilliant affectionate hands’ and ‘SMH’.

And the OP is LIVID , even though they’ve booked a holiday for early September, though it’s not clear if it’s at the PILs’s house or elsewhere.