I don't get it? I need help understanding 😔

[KEvLA]

Let me introduce myself.
I have a 9m old DS, 3 year old DD and a 5yr old DS. I have a lovely relationship with my inlaws.
My SIL had an 8yr old DS, a 5yr old DS- and a 2yr old. My kids have an absolutely beautiful relationship with their cousins - specially my 5yr DS - he sees them as best friends and can't wait to see them whenever we meet up and we all have a fab time. He doesn't stop talking about my husband's family, even living so far away lol
My PIL have a house abroad, it's been theirs since the 90s so all their second home.

My SIL declared a friend's holiday family this year rather than the usual family one ( booked early for August, which suited us brilliant as my family lived abroad in another country so we were going to look at all inclusive.
Wow the prices! My husband was gutted that there wasn't going to be a holiday abroad, to which I replied - next year we'll go when we have more money. I'm desperate to see my auntie and also equally as gutted too.

So my husband was determined to go for a holiday abroad and even though it was booked out for the summer, early September was available and my kids (their second home abroad) would still be excited as hell as they have a pool which is purely theirs to use for a whole week!
I randomly see that my FIL is in my SIL Facebook photos.. to which I was like, ok he's the sort of impulsive person who'd pop over for the weekend. I thought we could maybe ask him to the same with us too. THEN I find out both my PIL are there (this is their house and they have a little house at the bottom)
On a usual family holiday the kids are up and down to see them whenever they want and they come up for tea time and drinks with us all

So on finding this out I went ape shit - my children live 300m away from their grandparents so it was always lovely for them to spend a few days/week or so with their grandparents ( they make little effort at home) but when. They're there, wow they're fantastic!! I'm in awe.
Their other grandchildren live 15m down the road so see them whenever they want, totally normal as this is one of those child/parent close relationship).
They brush it off when we asked about it as my SIL had said - friend holiday.
They turn on my husband telling him he's unjustified by taking about it, and told him he was guilt tripping them about it. I'm livid for him when he basically said that this was "his life". Never seen it so evidently, wow.
So they're there having a mini family holiday to which my Husband was told by his BIL
They don't really come up but I saw that - they go up for drinks and food - as the do on a usual family holiday SMH.
They had a cancellation so they went early - my MIL said this.

Mother mode - *My children who adore and don't see their Grandparents a lot but, as I said - brilliant hands affectionate - they all snuggle up with eachother in the morning 💞.
They don't have any summer holiday abroad, even 2 days!! They're friends kid even does SMh. with them. They're all over there on their mini family holiday, justifying it all turned on my husband and my kids who live 300m away - perfect opportunity to spend time with their grandparents are not included, however last minute the flight was and however much they try to justify it.

I AM NOT EXAGGERATING WHEN I SAY I AM LIVID!

I've written this on here because it's eating me up and it's festering me inside I don't want to put all this on my husband when he's also feeling gutted. We all know that children talk and this will inevitably be brought up (same with another instance).

AIBU?

As we know us women go into lioness mode and our children are our world and I'll do anything to protect their feelings. My son is so intelligent , he'll be confused, upset or who knows?
I understand this is IF it's brought up by his cousin as I certainly won't!

Glad it's just not me. That was all over the place.

I don't get it? I need help understanding

Exactly this . I'm not sure I've got the will to read it again .

Is this a long winded way of saying you’re in laws holidayed without you? Sorry I can’t (won’t) read long convoluted posts like that.

Have you considered that your MIL and SIL might have quite a close relationship and want to spend time together. Maybe PIL just turned up anyway even though it was a friends thing? Yes it feels like a personal rejection but maybe they wanted to break the tradition a little.

Your children will be fine and having a family holiday just you ,DH and the children is also a good thing to to.

Or is this more about the money and having to pay for a holiday?

I find it very difficult to follow your post, it’s really confusing, but what I think you’re saying is that your SIL is away with friends staying in your PIL holiday home, and your PIL are also there because they have a separate small home on the property they’re staying in, so PIL are seeing lots of their other grandchildren and you feel excluded?

If that’s the case then I understand why you feel disappointed but I don’t think anyone has done anything wrong. Your SIL can’t control whether your PIL stay on their own property whether she is away with friends or not, and your PIL can use their own holiday home whenever they like.

i don’t know what the all-inclusive holiday plan has to do with anything, or how far you all live from one another, sorry.

I think let this one go as just one of those things - families don’t have to do everything together all the time. Plan a nice big family holiday next year. If your kids mention it to you tell them the truth - your SIL wanted to go away with friends this year, your PIL happened to go abroad at the same time as them, so they saw each other a bit for coffees etc. No drama or hurt feelings necessary.

@KEvLA do you mean you are going to PIL place in September anyway? I just reread OP and am confused again

I got lost after the second paragraph. Your post is too confusing to read

I am not seeing anything about a cancellation. Either there was one or you were lied to to save feelings getting hurt. In any case, they are entitled to holiday together and perhaps your sil and bil wanted something separate. Their children are a bit older. Maybe your dc are too intense atm.

@KEvLA

im sorry you've had some bitchy replies. Mn can be great, but these days it can be very bitchy

i can understand why you are upset & livid.

your SIL cancelled out on your usual family holiday, to holiday with friends this year. Fair enough, her choice, but basically just did the usual family holiday, excluding your part of the family. (& maybe invited friends in your place?!)

Your PIL allowed this to happen though.

I'm unclear on a few things though.

when it became apparent you couldn't go to your family, why didn't you go to DH's family's second home (with PIL)?

why do you need to go 'all inclusive' to visit your family??

if you don't talk about it the 5year old won't, unless you ask specifically they won't even think about it next time they see each other.

im a tad confused if you're going away or not now, but if you do have a brilliant time & if you don't, try to enjoy a few days out we still have some nice weather coming!

ChatGPT still needs finessing doesn’t it?

Why haven’t the ILs arranged another time for you to go to the holiday home and they come along to see the children??

Oh no I’ve been duped 🤣

I think whether Yabu hinges on whether SILs friends were also staying and PIL just decided to gate crash in their little house or if it was just SIL family plus PIL? Was the “friends holiday” all a lie? Would there have been room for you, your family and DC?

It’s eating you up and festering inside because, at the last minute, without telling you, your PIL went overseas to stay in their own separate little house at the bottom of the garden where their daughter and grandchildren were staying in the main house with friends as planned, -the same main house where you are staying with your children in September. You are jealous because your SIL’s children therefore get more cuddle time with their wonderful grandparents than your children do. And you feel there has been some deception to disadvantage your family. So your motherly instincts have kicked in to make you LIVID on behalf of your older son and husband as you feel they have somehow missed out this year.

Your DH can no doubt manage his own disappointments in life, reasoning that his parents are entitled to do what they like, when they like, in their own property, so in that way, he’s being an excellent role model for your son.

Try and help yourself a bit with this OP.
This wasn’t a deliberate vicious attack on your family I’m sure.
It’s just the way it worked out this year.

You have a lovely relationship with all of your DH’s family which you already really value and appreciate. And you are lucky enough to enjoy their holiday home at times. Continue to count your blessings and focus on how fortunate you and your children are, -as you always have done. Look forward with good grace to your few days away in September and really make the most of it.
I feel you already know it’s not how many cuddles your children receive from grandparents, it’s the quality and sincerity of the lasting relationships the grandparents build with them. So don’t diminish all that positivity coming from you and them, by letting this perceived offence eat up your heart.
Remember that your little children are more likely to notice the state of your heart and be affected by that, than anything else.

As mums we all come to occasions in life where we have to guide our children and grandchildren through knocks and disappointments, we have to hang on to our confidence and lead with a smile. I hope you feel a bit better about it all this morning.

Please proofread your future posts, that was a total mess and makes you come across as an overly emotional lunatic.
This.

They went on a holiday you couldn't afford to join. Is that right?
Or they didn't invite you?

Either way, it's their prerogative to go with or without you.
One holiday shouldn't ruin your child's love for his grandparents and cousins.

I can't see why you are livid 🤷🏻‍♀️

You make the relationships sound so wonderful @KEvLA but I also recall your posts where you said MIL had declared her favourite grandchild is your SIL DS and that she (MIL) is retired but doesn't make any effort to see your kids.

On that thread someone said you seemed too far up MIL's backside. I dont pretend to understand what you've written on this one but you do feel somewhat over invested in perceived wrongdoings and competition for PIL attention and favours.

I haven't got the foggiest clue as to what happened.

Is it all the man’s fault? I couldn’t quite follow.

And the waffling.

Impossible to understand this garbled post.
People can go on holiday with whoever they like.

OP, the in laws aren't obliged to provide you with holiday accomodation every year.

Your in laws are also well within their rights to choose to holiday with just their daughter and her family.

Your sense of entitlement is breathtaking. This home abroad with a pool is wonderful to have access to, but that is the extent of it, it isn't yours to demand or expect.

I would not escalate this further. Being 'livid' makes you completely unreasonable, no matter how you feel.

Not sure where the all-inclusive thing comes from or why OP's family didn't book their own holiday. I assume SIL/BIL told them too late that they were holidaying with friends so they couldn't book anything else.

Nope, that's not something she can blame on the in-laws. She says she was fine when sil told her the plans because OP wanted to go elsewhere anyway to see family in another country but it was only on further investigation that OP realised she couldn't afford the all inclusive so that holiday was off the table and for some reason no other holiday was viable, overseas or otherwise (seems OP feels entitled to overseas holiday even if can't afford it). So it's unrelated to timing of Sil plan.

The whole thing feels very entitled and OTT to be livid. In-laws can holiday without you, OP. You kids can holiday without their cousins. Sounds like you need to detach anyway.

🤣🤣