To ask you, if you despise boarding school, what exactly you think goes on there?

[RainyDaysAndMondaysNeverGetMeDown]

As the title says, if you are one of the many anti-boarding school parents on here, what exactly do you think happens to children at boarding school?

And yes, I am a parent of boarders, having sworn I'd never be.
But having seen how my DCs have thrived (in a school 20 minutes away!) I'm curious to see how much of the perception is reality.

To me, the existence of boarding schools feels like nothing but an anachronism, which is reverse engineered to have 21st century benefits because these schools are now a status symbol for the elite.

They began centuries ago as the way the young men of rich families got a classical education, when children were treated as adults from a young age, and psychological wellbeing (and physical to an extent) was simply not, well, something anyone understood or would have considered. Children went to war and work under the age of ten back then. It was a totally different time.

We’ve changed how we see children and childhood enormously since then, certainly in the UK. For the great majority of children there is simply no reason for a boarding school. I’d argue that even for very geographically isolated children there are now excellent online schools. The only reason they still exist is elitism, whether within this country or for international students. They offer nothing to a child that is better than a good home life. And I feel incredibly sad for any child for whom boarding school offers more affection or stability than their family, whatever the circumstance.

I think it does deny older kids the chance to learn how to manage their lives. Many non-boarders get p-t jobs which is hugely beneficial imo and expands their social circle even further. Plus it gives them some financial independence from their parents. They need to figure out for themselves (with a bit of guidance if necessary) when to study, when to socialise, how to be consistently reliable for work, basically what their priorities are and how they want their lives to be. It's much harder to develop those skills and have those experiences at boarding school ime.

The programme about the young girls going to boarding school is on you tube if any one wants to see it. It was first shown ten years ago I think made by channel 4 .
Very emotional watching but April did settle in the end forming close bond with another child.
i do think it can be the best option for military families to create the structure they need rather than continually moving them .

I know military families where the person in the Forces moves around and the other Parent has a permanent base so the DC can live with them and not get sent away.
Being Military is no reason for Boarding on its own

This is very true. I think if people were really honest, most would admit that they send their kids to board because of this. If they were really really honest they might even admit that it's also because it's more convenient.

Most of the boarding kids at my sons’ old school were international. The idea that my children would board while I lived twenty minutes away just seems so odd. The remote location is no excuse as the house doesn’t trump the kids coming home at night. Sure there were moments where I’d have liked them to stay the odd night or two there just to give me a break but the separation and the expense (boarding is very expensive) would not be for me.

What happened to day pupils at a private school, is that not an option too?

Parents have said they don't have to do the journey to/from school...or laundry
...but the benefit to the child is an extra 40 min music practise....

All the stuff about being independent, decent at sports, and making lifelong friends etc could literally happen to any tween/teens at whatever school. And I'd probably say parents of non boarding kids do more to facilitate that, rather than them being in an environment where it just happens because there's no alternative.

@Wexone that is a fair summary of the ONE person you know that has children at boarding school now. I really don't think (form my actual current experience) that that is the 'average' boarding school experience or boarding school parent.
There are many many other reason why a child might want to go to boarding schools.

This is a really good point. All Boarding school is doing is teaching a child to be independent of their own family, not independent in the world. It's actually a very controlled environment as all institutional living is so it is a barrier to learning independence and decision making skills.

@PaterPower I think a lot has changed since your time boarding.

Yes its independence of a parent rather than actual independence. It's living in an institution.

When I was at Oxford I remember thinking how cossetted it was (meals provided, weekly cleaner, nice quad) and even then thinking that those who have come from boarding school to Oxford to then work in London really do never experience anything other than manicured lawns, rooms with cleaners and life being "just so". It made me very aware that poticians who had gone this route and those who live in that level of society really do know little of the world they're governing or the impact of the rules they make (ie around benefits, parking at hospitals etc just to think of small things)

So yes they don't need "independence" as they will always have "people that do" doing for them...

Yes, it doesn't encourage a good mindset.

@FriendlyRobin " It made me very aware that poticians who had gone this route and those who live in that level of society really do know little of the world they're governing or the impact of the rules they make (ie around benefits, parking at hospitals etc just to think of small things)"

Do you really think that people that went to boarding school don't know about 'benefits' and 'parking at hospitals' because someone made their dinner each night and there was a cleaner?? What do people parents do for those not at boarding schools - don't they provide meals and ensure the house is clean and tidy? Seriously that is scraping the barrel as any level of justification

PS at boarding schools they often have to do some cleaning of their common areas 😜

No they weren't good examples but living from institution to institution really does shield you from the reality of life for many people. And yes I do think people who make decisions about benefits (ie sanctioning) often have no real understanding of the impact that has on the people they do this too. I've seen it a lot.

The parking one was just random because I've see the difference in real life impact in my mum this week in accessing NHS hospital or private but wasn't the best answer at all!

The deeper point still remains though about being institutionalised and lack of awareness. And certainly counters the idea of "independence".

There are actually very few 'full boarding' schools where children can not come home on weekends after Saturday school or sports. Quite a few of my children's friends do have part time jobs. My own volunteers at a local homeless charity and when she's at school she tutors students in younger years..... pretty much all the students things such as this. They also do community service and give back to their local community within school. They also have to manage their own timetable, work out what extra circular subjects or activities they can manage to fit in, work out when to study and when to socialise.......

not that much different from any other child in some respects. Just probably less time on an X-box or you tube and more time engaging with life and the wider community

@HappierTimesAhead are you speaking from real experience or from no experience?

Well…not everywhere. I lived very rurally in the coast when DD was a child/teen. She could go to the beach with her mates - even sleep down there. Walk home from a further bus stop along the cliff path and have hot chocolate in the pub in our village. I could take her to pick up a bus to go to other towns. You don’t have to drive them everywhere if you live rurally.

I think it would be a long stretch to say those away at boarding schools are more engaged in the community 😂😂

So your comment is really no different from any other child boarding or not, you socialise with those in your local community be that your parents and their friends your school friends etc.

If you lived in a 'posh area and went to a state school your experience would be exactly along the lines you are suggesting as to why you don't like boarding schools. You'd have no idea of the impact of benefits and the like .........

really, volunteering at a homeless charity 4 hours a week in their own time and volunteering at the local school (in school time) 1 afternoon a week - other children do more that that to engage with their community?

I remember one of the girls in the boarding house I worked in being absolutely aghast when she realised that the university she was going to wouldn’t be feeding her. I tried to organise some cooking classes so I could show the girls some basic student recipes and skills, even did the food hygiene course to facilitate it, but it was too difficult for the school to facilitate, so they didn’t get that opportunity. My own DD absorbed a lot from watching me do it and I helped her to learn some cheap and versatile recipes. These girls were not getting this at home from what they told me.

Oh gosh, I am certainly not speaking from experience of attending a Boarding school or sending my own children to one! No, my parents wanted to be parents and to have that close, loving bond that comes from living together. I have the same approach with my kids.

Thank you for sharing the variety of activities and opportunities that are on offer in some Boarding schools.

They are still very much institutions and so the lives of the children who live there are dictated by the rules and policies of that institution. This is true of children who attend school during the day but they only have to adhere to those rules and policies while they are at school. At home there is more opportunity to be their true selves; to be the vulnerable and messy teenagers that they are.

That’s not my experience as a member of teaching and boarding staff. There’s no working out of when to study and when to socialise - prep time is enforced and there is very little time available for socialising. No student ‘manages’ a timetable. They are given options blocks and then given a timetable. Co-curric is heavily timetabled and you can choose out of only a small range each day.
As for the comment about day (state?) pupils and X Box/Youtube - how superior you seem to think you are.

It’s not a function of being in boarding, is it? My daughter volunteered at a disability sport group and helping younger children read as well as having a part time job and she went to a (very) bog standard comp.