To ask you, if you despise boarding school, what exactly you think goes on there?

[RainyDaysAndMondaysNeverGetMeDown]

As the title says, if you are one of the many anti-boarding school parents on here, what exactly do you think happens to children at boarding school?

And yes, I am a parent of boarders, having sworn I'd never be.
But having seen how my DCs have thrived (in a school 20 minutes away!) I'm curious to see how much of the perception is reality.

But according to this thread some parents would ban their teens from applying for schools they’re interested in and feel the compensation makes it worthwhile…

A parent can't "ban" a 13 year old from going to boarding school. A 13 year old cannot go to a boarding school without consent of the parents, because funnily enough, it wouldn't be ethical (or presumably legal?) for a child to be able to apply and enrol themselves.

If anything is weirdly dramatic it’s not letting your kids do what they want because you can’t cope with not seeing them on weekday evenings. The world will not come to an end.

No I didn’t board nor do I think the world comes ends it kids want to. The who chose to that I know really enjoyed it.

Call it ban or a veto or non-consent - whatever floats your boat.

Did you not see the bit where I said (more than once) that I’ve worked in one?
And as regards money, several posters have said they and their partners have limited earning potential because they think their kids need them home more. It’s a choice.

I love the notion of all these high earning parents wfh and finishing early. Not sure they earn enough for boarding school so it’s comparing applies and pears.

If that was a swipe at me as I mentioned my flexible WFH role and the salary, my husband is military, BS is technically on the table for us.

Call it ban or a veto or non-consent - whatever floats your boat.

And why do you think parental consent is required? If all 13 year olds are perfectly capable of making that call themselves?

I just couldn’t imagine my kids sleeping somewhere 20 mins away, what’s the point? Unless it was for safeguarding reasons in a home I will just never get it.

Again, where’s this idea I couldn’t cope with not seeing DD coming from?
I didn’t let DD do several things I thought would be bad for her, like drinking for example. I did let her go away to pony camp from 8 for a week or so in the summer, go and stay at friends houses, camp on the beach with her friends once they were old enough etc etc.

Edit: you know some kids who tell their parents they enjoy it. I taught in one, and worked in boarding. Many, many don’t. And even those who find it ok would, in my opinion, be better at home in most cases. I speak from experience. It appears you do not n

All the adults I know that boarded many years ago were abused (including sexually) by other boarders.

A risk I'd never take.

I am nowhere near those kind of earnings. It is fine to pour your time and passion into work. But if both you and your partner are going to do that, do not have kids. Kids need the time and commitment of at least one parent. Preferably both, but they can still be okay with one parent.
I was the kind of child at secondary who did lots of afterschool activities. I still enjoyed seeing my parents every day.

So it’s a choice between a tough inner city comprehensive in special measures vs weekly boarding at a naice school in the country - how do you know which is more harmful? And what if your kids wants the latter?

It really isn’t though, is it? If you have funds for boarding school, you can deal with the inner city comp issue in other ways. Cities tend to have nice private day schools. You could move house.

So it’s a choice between a tough inner city comprehensive in special measures vs weekly boarding at a naice school in the country - how do you know which is more harmful? And what if your kids wants the latter?

Presumably if you could afford boarding in that situation then the answer is to move to a good catchment area or attend a private school as a day pupil. It's highly unlikely anyone is going to be in that scenario, if you can afford boarding, you have options.

I suppose the more realistic scenario would be what if you couldn't afford to move and the child got a full scholarship, then I admit that would be a tougher choice if the area and school were dire, and child gifted and wanting to go. Still think I'd try and seek out day options first though!

?? Because they’re minors.

Bingo.
Why does that designation exist?

?? Because they’re minors

Ok, so why do we classify minors differently to adults...?

That wouldn't happen though? If you live in a city and can afford the country boarding school then you would be able to send them to a private day school in the city. All cities have at least one independent school (I think).

Unless we're talking about a non affluent family whose child has won a scholarship and bursary. That would be different. Not very common though.

No one is against private school. Send them to a good day school.

Exactly - some boarding schools give full scholarships to bright inner city kids whose parents couldn’t afford private school otherwise.

Somewhere like Christ’s Hospital is means tested so parents pay what they can afford - for some kids that means most of the fees.

I respect you for answering honestly.

Flying in here - but kids only choose the choices that are given to them and that choice is influenced by their peers and surroundings. If they have already heard family members and friends have gone they will 'think' this is the best option and 'really want it'. They will already know choosing a BS means advancement and high quality education because their parents have already set the environment that it will be great for them so they trust their parents have given them a great 'choice'. Even if they hate it there they will still believe this may be the best choice because again, this has been indoctrinated to them. This is why so many realise the trauma when they are adults because only then we assess our childhood for what it really was and end up questioning our parents choices and what it led to. I know people from BS who respect their parents decision to send them admitting 'they only wanted the best' and admittedly most had a great education. However, their experience and family relationships after was greatly affected and most of them do not want the same for their kids. They still want the best education but a firm no to BS.

Well, in fairness @Nadeed , I am against them for lots of social reasons. But in the context of this discussion, I’m accepting that independent school is a non-harmful choice. It’s just the boarding part I’m against.

Oh and you think minors aren’t entitled to their own opinions and don’t know their own mind?

It’s really odd that some MNers confuse teenage minors with 2 year olds.

Using very rare and specific examples doesn't make the point that you think it does. Quite the opposite - it looks like desperate loophole-seeking. We all know the vast majority of children at boarding school are not people whose parents are saving them from the terrible comp up the road by the only means possible.

The law says 13 year olds aren’t able to choose boarding school. That’s why they can’t sign the papers themselves. I’ve also said nothing about them not being entitled to their own opinions. None of this is confusing them with a 2 year old.
You seem particularly annoyed when I disagree with you - several posters said this and it’s me you choose to be aggressively condescending to. Again.

And what difference does that make? If a kid really wants to go? You’d say “well you could have gone if you were escaping a sink comp but because you’re not you can’t.”