To ask you, if you despise boarding school, what exactly you think goes on there?

[RainyDaysAndMondaysNeverGetMeDown]

As the title says, if you are one of the many anti-boarding school parents on here, what exactly do you think happens to children at boarding school?

And yes, I am a parent of boarders, having sworn I'd never be.
But having seen how my DCs have thrived (in a school 20 minutes away!) I'm curious to see how much of the perception is reality.

Not when they have 8 to 10 year olds they don’t! Wrap around care closes at 6 so we pick them up then. Home dinner homework reading time get ready for the day might not sound interesting sure, but that’s all important being part of their life.

Those are totally normal working hours. Law and finance for example could be working much later.

@iamsoshocked You see, I honestly, hand on heart, do not believe my kids missed out on all the little day to day parent things.

Thats pretty depressing.

Why would you think I don’t? I’ve known several who have gone on to professional music careers over the years, both in boarding and day. They aren’t practicing in that time mostly because they are busy doing something else the school has dictated. Boarders don’t have loads of free time to go and practice. In fact the excellent musicians I knew at boarding school found that the hardest thing about it.

OP’s kids are teens - not sure what 8-10 year old have to do with it.

I work school hours term time only. My husband works full time in a much more demanding job but works from home at least 2 days a week, sometimes 3. On his WFH days he will break from work when the kids get home from school to chat to them/help with homework/feed them/take them to sport etc etc and is obviously around in the morning too before they head out to school. On the days he does go into the office I drop him at the train station on the way to school drop off so we're all in the car together and this is often the time we have some good family chats. We actually spend a lot of time with our children and there is always one of us, and often both of us, available to them if needed.

Agreed. And even the family I know who does this, one of the parents commutes into London from Guildford, the other works part time. Because they have kids.

This is ridiculous, nothing to stop boarding school students practising before school. They’re often given slots of their choice to practice daily.

As @pearvines has pointed out, a more child and family way to deal with this is to ensure both parents aren’t working those hours. And I don’t mean have the mother stay home, there are lots of alternatives. Boarding school isn’t the best one for the vast majority of children.

Not in every school. In the one I worked in the music block wasn’t generally open until the music teacher arrived. Boarding houses aren’t set up for early practice. It may be true in some schools, but I assure you not all.

If you both choose to do this, so not have kids.
You have to make time for your kids.

And if your teens told you that they wanted a little less conversation from you and wanted to board weekly - would you refuse point blank? (Assuming it was affordable for you?]

I don’t know about @RancidRuby but I’d feel I’d done something wrong if my kids didn’t want to spend family time. And yes, I’d refuse. Because leaving home in the week/term time is not an age appropriate decision to allow a young teen to make.

In your view, but what if it’s your kids’ view that weekly boarding is the best option for them?

Most normal parents would indeed say no to their teen children wanting to move out of the family home.

I would think I had done something wrong with my parenting if my DCs wanted to live away from me.

They are kids. They don’t have the maturity to decide.
What if they decide that it’s appropriate to take the car and drive it? It’s their view they are old enough. Are you letting them do it?

In your view, but what if it’s your kids’ view that weekly boarding is the best option for them?

A child is not equipped to make that decision. 13 is far too young for them to understand what is best for them and the potential developmental and emotional issues with boarding. 16-18 sixth form I could negotiate on if there was a specific benefit or purpose, I can see the difference in that age group, but an 11 year old? 13 year old? No, just as I wouldn't let them pick what car we buy or what mortgage rate I need, adult decisions are for adults. He can decide what clubs he goes to, not where he lives.

They can’t choose to weekly board at 13?? Why not?? How old would they have to be?

So you’re all about your kids but if they want to something educationally that doesn’t suit you, you won’t listen? Isn’t that all about you?

They get to spend time with their friends and forge lifelong bonds.

Unlike the millions of people not at boarding school who never spend time with friend and make no lifelong friendships 🙄

@mirabai we’ve all read the OP - vast major think it’s batshit yo send a 13yrolc to board, 13 yr olds should one choosing their lifestyle

They’re not moving out, they’re sleeping over Mon-Fri.

No, it’s about them and the fact that as an adult I’m more able to assess t( potential harms and benefits. They don’t have the maturity. Maybe at 16 for sixth form, if they have a really good reason. And it’s not ‘edicationally’ is it? They get the same education as a day pupil. The only answer you’ve been able to come up with about benefits of boarding is a dubious 40 mins a day to practice/do homework. That isn’t enough to counterbalance the things I think, as a mature adult with perspective and their best interests at heart, are disadvantageous about boarding.

They are spending the majority of their time living away from home in an institution with staff who are paid to be there.

I don’t know how immature your kids are, but the 13 year olds I know are perfectly capable of saying they want to weekly board. Most don’t, or rather most parents can’t afford it so it’s not on offer. But the ones I do know who chose to board - absolutely loved it. If they don’t like it they don’t have to continue and that applies to any school - you don’t know what anything will be like until you try it.

It’s not the majority is it. They’re home all weekend and all holidays.