To ask you, if you despise boarding school, what exactly you think goes on there?

[RainyDaysAndMondaysNeverGetMeDown]

As the title says, if you are one of the many anti-boarding school parents on here, what exactly do you think happens to children at boarding school?

And yes, I am a parent of boarders, having sworn I'd never be.
But having seen how my DCs have thrived (in a school 20 minutes away!) I'm curious to see how much of the perception is reality.

The advantageous are numerous. They gain great independance, make life long friends, excellent sporting facilities, no waste of time driving to/from school/sports. No laundry“

In our 17 years’ experience as parents to children who were day pupils at boarding schools, that’s what boarder’s parents would tell everyone who cared to listen. Their children often did not share the same view and would rather have been with mum at dad at the end of the day.

Did you not consider the location of the house when you bought it?

Precisely, also those whose careers require it, careers are a choice. If your career creates instability, you are choosing that, you're not helpless. I say that as a military family. We have our limits as to what level of instability we are willing to expose our children to, and that does come at a cost of our own progression, but we chose to have children and whilst we compromise in some areas to create a balance, boarding school is a huge step too far.

I don't care that I could send my kids to boarding school via the military and get them a first class education, there are more important things in childhood than formal education. I'm much more concerned for their emotional stability and happiness.

What I think goes on in boarding school is children developing unhealthy defence mechanisms to cope with the fact that their parents chose to offload them into the care of strangers who don't love them.

I don't think that of weekly boarding in teen years. Or of occasional boarding - like sleepovers at school once a week or so. But to not see your parents for weeks at a time, just when you are feeling ungainly and hormonal and insecure... - why? It makes so sense to me that any parent would do that unless they had to.

Why opt for your child to be raised without the daily presence of your love?

Yes, and with the saving on fees she could pay someone to do the laundry for her.

Thanks ☺️.

This. If you want "better", pay for a private day school. Not boarding. I have such fond memories of my childhood, being with family after school and generally being a part of family life. I cannot imagine packing my child off to school only to see them at weekends - or even less.

The only reason I could understand it would be if the parents had a job that meant moving around a lot, as that could mean more stability for the child. But on the whole. No.

To the poster who suggested I feel guilty I absolutely do not.
Anyway, back to spend the rest of the BH with my clearly neglected children.

I went and loved it. I went from a state school that I hated and was on a full bursary.

I was still very close with my parents and haven’t had any trauma or issues. I genuinely was very happy. I went at 13

I’m in touch with my old school friends and those with children are considering sending their kids if they’d like to go.

Anyway, back to spend the rest of the BH with my clearly neglected children.

You started the thread? What did you think was going to happen? I make plenty of parental choices I know many people don't agree with, I'm not daft enough to start a thread and encourage discussion of them, there's only one way that is going to go!

The advantageous are numerous. They gain great independance, make life long friends, excellent sporting facilities, no waste of time driving to/from school/sports. No laundry

I know this isn't pedants corner and IABU but since people keep reposting it.

'The advantages are numerous'

'They gain great independence'

Hopefully they learn to spell as well.

Why don't you feel guilty

Exactly, unless there was a different motivation?

The advantageous are numerous. They gain great independance, make life long friends, excellent sporting facilities, no waste of time driving to/from school/sports. No laundry.

I find this list bizarre. It's not a waste of time, driving your child to and from school or sports events. It's a brilliant opportunity to chat to them, to discuss their plans and how they might achieve them, their beliefs and why they hold them, how they are doing, any issues they might have with schoolwork or friends or health.

Laundry is no big deal at all. A few minutes a day!

And all children gain great independence unless something goes wrong- that is what the transition into adulthood is about - why hurry it along?

I made lifelong friends at primary and secondary school - in fact my teenage lifelong friends weren't at my school - I met them through a shared interest group that wouldn't have been an option if I'd gone to boarding school - the club was a melting pot of teens from all over our city and we met three times a week and still stay in touch forty years later. We weren't thrown together and had to make the best of it - we chose to get together and that made all the difference.

Literally none of those things are advantages that boarding schools have over other forms of education.

And what about all the military kids? Is it better for them to be in a war zone?

In fairness to the OP a lot of private schools changed their policies a few years ago. We lived in a county town with a famous public school on our doorstep. We actually moved there for our son. By the time our DD was ready for secondary school they wouldn't take her as a day pupil. The whole town thought the policy was nuts, but there you go. I also agree move to a town when they are older. Both my DC have pulled me up on this. Luckily they learnt to drive early. Few part time jobs go to country kids. Employers like reliable people close by. Parents money or not it's a right of passage.

And what about all the military kids? Is it better for them to be in a war zone?

You think the military parents sending their kids to boarding schools are in war zones? Do you think they provide married quarters and spouses go live in war zones lol?

When I was teaching in boarding schools, I never met a "military" family where both parents were in the military. It was almost always the father who would be deployed to Afghanistan or Iraq back then and a mother staying at a UK base or a base in say, Germany or Cypress where there were good international schools. These kids, ime,
often took it the hardest, especially if Mum was still in the UK (and often either not working or working very part-time) and there wasn't a decent enough reason in the child's opinion to be shipped off to boarding school, often as young as 8 or 9. Some of them begged to be allowed to live with grandparents or cousins. One of the schools I worked at, we had one 6 year old and one 7 year old from German military families.

Personally, I couldn't understand the point of having kids if the military was always going to come first. If both parents are going to be on the frontline for most of a child's childhood (as happens more in the US) why have kids at all?

Even if you attend a day school, how often do you get close interactions with your parents?
I don't think we did that much. Both parents in professional jobs, home from school, prep, music practice, supper, possibly a bit of tv if there was something suitable on, then bed. That was during the week.
The only time I can remember having the close interaction was Saturday afternoon tea in from of the fire, in winter, watching Dr. Who.

The many stories about how miserable some children are and unlike a day school, there’s no escape. I know it’s not the same for everyone. The people I know who loved it are posh twats though

The advantageous are numerous. They gain great independance, make life long friends, excellent sporting facilities, no waste of time driving to/from school/sports. No laundry.

I went to a boarding school. Independence? No, when I went away to university I had no advantage over my day school educated peers in terms of independence. Probably the reverse, as in school we were subject to some pretty tight restrictions even for things like going out to the local shops whereas day pupils had generally been reasonably free to go wherever they wanted for some time They'd also generally been travelling on their own to and from school or to see friends every day for some years; I hadn't.

Life-long friends? Not really, my life long friends were people I met at university. If you think about it, there's no particular reason why you should find a bestie amongst 20 or so kids with whom you are thrown together purely because your parents happened to choose the same school.

Sporting facilities? Nope, pretty rubbish when I was there. And there are a number of independent day schools near where I live with great sports facilities.

Waste of time travelling? When I look back at what I was doing instead of travelling - mainly dossing around chatting - I'm struggling to see the benefits. Whereas if I'd had that time with my parents it would almost certainly have improved our relationship, and if I'd travelled on my own it would have improved my independence.

Laundry? Well, a bit, but presumably only in fully boarding schools. It's a fairly trivial reason for sending your child off to be looked after full time by a load of strangers.

@ManchesterLu private day schools are often 'hot houses' interested in pure academic results (that is how they become the best and get new students). Is that better?
Boarding offers an entire lifestyle that is not 'hot house' and has the ability to offer children a huge amount of extra curricular opportunities it also has the bonus of being able to have an extended day which means that children can learn over longer periods of time.

OP - why did you start this thread? You asked for people’s opinions. People expressed their opinions and in many cases gave really heart-felt stories to show why they feel the way they do and then you just get defensive.
if you are totally confident that boarding is best for your children, why ask?

My teens had interaction with us over breakfast every morning - we chatted as I made breakfast and packed lunches for them and every evening as we had dinner together and discussed our days. They chatted with their dad if he drove them to or from school (which was fairly often as the trains were unreliable) and to both of us as they were driven to and from parties and sports fixtures. We went for walks every weekend and chatted all the time on those. We went to galleries, theatre, museums, opera, comedy shows, restaurants, Go Ape, amusement parks, old steam fairs, kayaking, cycling, hiking, mountain climbing.

We had silly rituals like doing a quiz from the weekend papers over lunch; we did family film nights with pizza on Fridays, we invited their friends over for bbqs and sleepovers and teenage parties. We tested them on revision for GCSEs and researched unis with them. We planned holidays together, taught them to cook, to build flat pack furniture, to tidy and clean. If they were upset over fallouts with mates or first loves, we were on hand with ice cream and comedy reruns. If they felt ill we ran them baths and made specific foods they craved, checked in on with hugs. If they had bad grades we discussed how to improve them. If they felt inadequate in comparison with friends, we helped them gain perspective and feel good about themselves.

They shared tech knowledge with us and introduced us to new music, new idioms, great films, food, jokes and comedians. We recommended books to each other. They explained points of view we might otherwise have dismissed. We argued about politics and language and economics and philosophy. When we were tired or ill they'd care for us. When I had to sort out my dad's funeral I came home to discover DS2 had tidied my study. Another time, when I was very busy at work, DS1 cleaned the house as a surprise. And both of them at different times surprised me by taking me out for dinner, using their allowance.

None of this was forced. It's just how we muddled along together for their teen years. I wouldn't have missed any of that for the world.

Once met a student who had come to Uni from having boarded at Gordonstoun for 2 years. I asked her about it and she said they were the best 2 years she had had up to that point in her life. She loved the whole experience.

But 6th form is different. Lots of teens are ready to spend time away from home by the age of sixteen.