unsolicited baby ultrasound photos - triggering?

[mumandmumber]

NC as could be outing.

Non pregnant friend who has had recent loss, fertility issues etc. checks in with newly pregnant friend to check all is well with pregnancy. Pregnant friend replies with the ultrasound photo.

AIBU to think the unsolicited visual is unnecessary and quite insensitive under the circumstances? (Note pregnant friend knows all the details of non pregnant friend’s history)

and

Anyone else find ultrasound photos particularly triggering?

Please don’t ask your pregnant friend and more updates. The whole experience will always be triggering.

Even when the baby arrives… it will still trigger the non pregnant friend

I don't think it was unsolicited in that you asked her how her scan/appointment went. It's very common for someone to share their scan photo in response to this, so I wouldn't call it unsolicited. I'm sorry it upset you and I can understand why. But if a photo of the scan is triggering, what about her sending pictures once the baby is born/meeting the baby? You're obviously good friends so I would chat to her about how you're feeling, she's caught up in the excitement of her pregnancy and wanting to share it with you.

The non-pregnant friend already knew pregnant friend was expecting. If you ask how things are, that’s an invitation to share in any way she wants. Seeing a scan picture doesn’t make her more pregnant.

When the baby is born will she be allowed to share photos with non-pregnant friend?

TBH I am still not sure myself where your boundaries are- were you hoping to just get a one word answer (because I would have expected that to be perceived as rude). If she’d gone into more detail about morning sickness, other symptoms or told you that the baby was the size of an orange or something would that have been ok or not? I’m not trying to be facetious I just think looking at it from her side I don’t know what reply would have been acceptable and what would go too far and be triggering.

It’s so sad to see how many people think it’s not insensitive. My heart goes out to anyone experiencing loss and infertility ❤️ navigating the journey itself plus friendships and everyday life is so so hard. No one truly understands unless they’ve walked your path.

Glad I’m not your friend 🤣🤣🤣

I have to say I think people are quite a lot more obtuse than I realised if they can't see the how 'fine thanks, had the scan and all is well' would be a lot less confronting under the circs than an US whatever the intention.

But many of us who don’t think that it’s insensitive have walked this path, many many times over. And that’s Okay too.

How is the pregnant person to blame when they were directly asked?!

No two fertility journey’s are the same. Which is why I’m always so mindful, I’d rather be sensitive than not. Why risk hurting someone.

If it was sent directly, out of the blue and knowing someone had a loss then thats out of line but in this case the non pregnant friend LITERALLY got in touch to specifically ask about the pregnancy and for an update.

They got what they asked for, I mean what else where they expecting?

Yes it was. Nobody asked to see an image from someone's medical procedure. I've never asked anyone for one, never sent anyone one and always find it weird when anyone shares one.

OP asked how things are, what would have been solicited was a narrative response.

Wow. PolitePearlMoose you should change your name to just PearlMoose

Exactly.

The friend ASKED how it was going, I think it's a perfectly normal response to be honest. If you're going to be triggered, maybe....don't ask?

This is definitely something women don’t realise/understand unless they’ve been through it. Yanbu, I hope you are ok x

🤣🤣 I was typing the same but thought they should scrap pearl too! Just Moose is more fitting.

No, pregnant friend is not being insensitive and pregnant friend needs to get a grip. You can’t only engage on your terms. If you don’t want the details don’t ask the question.

I don’t mean that to be harsh but you can’t have it both ways I’m afraid.

Agree! Haha

People don’t think/know. The can’t know what it’s like to stare at a static, motionless ultrasound screen, willing for a sign or life unless they’ve been there. Therefore they don’t know how triggering it is to see a healthy scan pic (much more so than any other type of ‘photo’ given that most scan pics look similar’).

Really awful to be the one receiving the pics (I’ve been there). However completely possible that the sender has no concept of what they’ve done.

Over the years, I have found the sharing of ultrasound photos, pregnancy belly photos and breastfeeding photos a failsafe indicator of self-obsessed twatty women. Would you post photos of your turd or menstrual blood? Our biological functions are of zero interest to others.

I think, given the circumstances, it's a bit thoughtless. I'm lucky to never had anything like the experiences you've had to endure but even I can see why you'd find this a bit upsetting.

Wow. PolitePearlMoose you should change your name to just PearlMoose

Or just Moose.

@Zen74 I’m so glad someone said it 😁