Husband brought colleague home overnight

[pinkdata]

My husband started a new job this year where he works night shift at a hospital. He normally comes home when I'm already deeply asleep. This morning he informed me that one of his colleagues was asleep on the sofa. Apparently she couldn't find her house keys and he offered she'd stay with us. I'm not super happy with that because 1) I have never met her, 2) we have small children and I don't feel comfortable having a complete stranger in my house, especially while I'm asleep. AIBU to think she should have tried staying with friends/family or called a locksmith? My husband said she has extremely bad mental health issues and he was concerned for her, which I do empathise with. She's still asleep on our sofa now...

In fairness I think the PP is hammered, rather than unpleasant

The attitudes to and opinions of people with mental health challenges on this thread are really depressing. She is no more likely to "assault" your children than anyone else, unless she is actively psychotic, which, as she is holding down a job, I presume not yo be the case.

Uh huh.

Haha.

I'm amazed at some of the comments. Yes, he's had the 'right thing' at the forefront of his mind, he's just wanted to help, clearly.

But a complete stranger on my couch, where my kids are - piss right off. I hate people staying at the best of times, let alone someone I've never met. My home is my sanctuary, and it's my kids, too.

11pm is not late enough to warrant not being informed when someone is staying in your home. And by informed I mean he should have asked if it was ok with you. I'm sure there was a friend or family member available that she could have stayed with - it's odd that she opted to stay on the couch instead.

Going to get shot down for this but I stand by it.....

A woman cant find her keys and the only option she has is her male colleague. So she stays at his house, without his wifes knowledge or agreement. She says she has mental health issues.

You have a classic "Damsel in Distress/Rescuer" situation here. Keep an very very big eye on this one. Not saying that he is after her but she may very well be after him. This is the womans version of "my wife doesnt understand me like you do", be careful.

That, exactly.

I don't think we've been told what the visitors MH issues were but I'd hazard a guess at depression/anxiety and panic type stuff. Not a threat to other people but possibly at some level of risk to themselves if left alone and locked out of their home.

Indeed, even in cases of the types of MH that lead to mania or psychosis, the risk people pose to themselves is way more than that they pose to other people.

My ex was a belligerent alcoholic who literally refused to move out, and the occupation order to get him out had not got to court yet. Hence me planning to sleep in the car, and taking up the completely UNSOLICITED offer of a bed for the night. Thanks for the concern. Not.

Nah no way I wouldn't like that idea one bit!
He should of helped her find her house keys instead.

It's probably nothing, but keep a heads up. You're not being unreasonable at all. Us girls are great at detective work so keep your eye on that female colleague.

This and it wouldnt worry me at all. I once brought a French guy from work whose accomodation was cancelled. He was a teenager/student in a foreign country. He stayed for two weeks until we got him sorted out. I am glad nice men like your husband still e ist. Yabvu.

Apologies I’ve not read the full thread, but I’d be more concerned if he’d booked a hotel.

The fact he’s brought another woman to your HOME tells me he’s just genuinely wanted to make sure she was ok.

More green flags than red flags here

I think I'd be ok with this BUT would want to have been woken to be told so I knew about it asap

@pinkdata be honest - would you have the same reaction if it was a male colleague? Be honest.

Why look at the downside. Consider making a mutual friendship with the person and keep it amicable. It'd be more of a problem if this was continuous. As I understand it, it's a one-off and your husband slept in the marital bed and not on the sofa with her! Be reasonable and guage this situation with respect to time.

I’d be worried she didn’t really lose her keys…

Yeah there was a friend she could ask(and did) …. The OP’s husband. **

How should he have done that? If he'd insisted on staying with her for hours checking everywhere she'd been, OP would have had real cause for complaint.

Come off it. Both of them knew perfectly well that his wife would know all about it as soon as she woke up. There is no way she was planning on a rampant sex session under the same roof as his sleeping wife. If they were coming home in the small hours after a night shift, it would be really inconsiderate to wake her up when there's no reason why the husband can't make the decision on his own.

I wouldn't let anyone in my house with mental health issues....

Wow. Harsh.

I think. If I knew it was from being helpful and nothing else funny I really wouldn't have an issue with it.

I have strange habits and quirks, but will actively go out of my way to help somebody. Even if thay means them staying over. I've been there too.