Husband brought colleague home overnight

[pinkdata]

My husband started a new job this year where he works night shift at a hospital. He normally comes home when I'm already deeply asleep. This morning he informed me that one of his colleagues was asleep on the sofa. Apparently she couldn't find her house keys and he offered she'd stay with us. I'm not super happy with that because 1) I have never met her, 2) we have small children and I don't feel comfortable having a complete stranger in my house, especially while I'm asleep. AIBU to think she should have tried staying with friends/family or called a locksmith? My husband said she has extremely bad mental health issues and he was concerned for her, which I do empathise with. She's still asleep on our sofa now...

I wouldn't even say this is especially kind and compassionate, it's basic human decency.

If it's midnight and you're with someone who can't get into her home, you'd have to be a monster to say, "Oh well, good luck to you, pity about the rain."

Bekindtoyourselfandothers:

"If she can't organise her own life - losing house keys? - how can she help other people..."

Ironic lack of compassion given the username!

@pinkdata he could have called but to be honest, I’d chat with him and just ask if he thinks she genuinely couldn’t find the keys and to make sure it doesn’t become a habit he can’t say no to. In itself, better than being out on the street all night of course.

To the PP who said she would have been DBS checked. It's irrelevant. It doesn't mean someone is safe. It literally means someone hasn't been caught doing anything.... so always be careful regardless!!

@Bekindtoyourselfandothers never lost your own keys?

In my view there are those who have and those who have yet to.

I think mine fell out of my pocket and down between the seats on a train. DP dropped hers and they went into a very deep strry drainage gulley.

I wouldn't like this either as I am not keen on people invading my space unexpectedly but acknowledge that is a me problem.

While I can understand you being uncomfortable, I don't think your dh did anything wrong, he has been very kind to someone who was in need of help. Be polite until she leaves and then move on.

That makes two of us then 😂

No more of a threat than any nurse, daycare worker or teacher. Or any other female friend or acquaintance that that is invited round.

The risk is very low that a husband's colleague who happened to lose her keys accidentally, would suddenly start molesting children.

The real reason lots of people on this thread don't like it is because the DH has a friendly/close relationship to another woman. And that's fair enough, but seriously... the safeguarding stuff is unconvincing.

Neither would I have been concerned, I'd have trusted my husband's judgement and in this case, she is a colleague. This poor lady has hardly inconvenienced you. We often had people to stay spontaneously overnight and, op, when your children are older they will having all sorts of friends to stay.

Coincidentally, a distant of mine once locked herself out late at night and couldn't get hold of the landlord until the next day, so asked to stay at mine to which I agreed. She phoned from a phone box near where she lived and my husband went to pick her up, he hardly knew her. By the time I got up the next day she had gone (she didn't have to shoot off very early but she did).

I am sorry about your parents, that must have been so difficult for you growing up so it is understandable that you are cautious, we have to protect ourselves an our families. Contrastingly, my parents were the opposite, my mother particularly was inhospitable and I was never allowed to have anyone stay, even in an emergency. When I became a mother I knew I would be different.

This poor lady has hardly inconvenienced you.

Well actually no I haven't.
But if I did I certainly wouldn't have the brass neck to impose myself on a work colleague with young children when I didn't even know his wife and she had no idea he had even asked me to spend the night there.
I wouldn't assume a work colleague was responsible for my welfare or responsible for dealing with my mental health outside working hours.

Non issue. Your DH did the right thing.

@Bekindtoyourselfandothers I've read the OP twice and I'm not getting anything about the colleague imposing herself.

She realised the keys were lost and presumably efforts were made to find them but to no avail.

OP's DH doesn't want to leave her to her own devices and offers her his sofa.

No more than that.

No reason why it would happen again and if it did then a foot needs putting down with a firm hand.

She slept on his settee without his wife knowing she was invited. She was presumably aware that her colleague's wife knew nothing about the invitation, that he had young children in the house and she was a complete stranger to them. So to me good manners and etiquette would be to thank him for his offer but say she would be OK, she would sort out the situation herself.

That she thought it was reasonable to accept this invitation in these circumstances is imposing herself on to his wife as an unexpected guest.

Of course it, or similar, might not happen again but it certainly creates an expectation that he is someway responsible for her wellbeing.

You need take a chill pill

@Bekindtoyourselfandothers that's called being a friend. I'd be pissed off if I was woken from sleep and informed.

And why would I need to be informed? A woman who is friends with DH is staying over in an emergency, so what? Go back to sleep. Children do not care, if anything, they're excited to have a stranger stay over.

You're totally unreasonable. Why would you be worried for your children's safety? Trust his judgement, as she's not a stranger to him. Nice dig about the mental health issues though ...
I hope you went downstairs, made a cuppa and said hello, instead of staying in bed like a weirdo.

I’ve been married to DH 30 years. Twice he’s brought a colleague home (both men) due to an emergency or unexpected situation and, on one occasion, a dog! I was only given advance warning of the second man, who was supposed to stay for a few days but ended up staying 3 months. I’m just grateful that he’s a kind man.

No, it doesn't.

If you lose your purse on a night out and I give you the money for a taxi home, I'm not responsible for your travel arrangements from now on.

Same. Because it's a woman then off course she's harmless.

She will be. Very few people - male or female will do you any harm, and no one is leaving the OP’s kids alone with her.

Such drama.

Well statistically she's far more likely to be harmless.
I think your dh was being a gentleman.

Imagine the names he'd get called if OP had said
"I've just found out my husband abandoned a colleague from work when she lost her keys. I was furious. He could have offered our couch"

Men really can't do anything right here

I think that is a totally different thing.
Lending someone money in such circumstances is a normal reaction.

Totally different from bringing someone home for the night, unannounced, because they have mental health issues.

OP didn't say she was a friend of her DH.
She said she was a work colleague.

She said the reason he brought her home was not because of friendship but because she has mental health issues , which implies he sees her emotional wellbeing as his responsibility.

It is OP's home too: she should have have a say in who sleeps the night there.