Husband brought colleague home overnight

[pinkdata]

My husband started a new job this year where he works night shift at a hospital. He normally comes home when I'm already deeply asleep. This morning he informed me that one of his colleagues was asleep on the sofa. Apparently she couldn't find her house keys and he offered she'd stay with us. I'm not super happy with that because 1) I have never met her, 2) we have small children and I don't feel comfortable having a complete stranger in my house, especially while I'm asleep. AIBU to think she should have tried staying with friends/family or called a locksmith? My husband said she has extremely bad mental health issues and he was concerned for her, which I do empathise with. She's still asleep on our sofa now...

I’d be surprised but also very proud that my DH had done the right thing and given her somewhere safe to stay.

So I'm guessing this person works as a Health Care worker caring for sick/elderly/vulnerable people in the NHS and has undergone all the checks required to carry out that role in addition to being known to your DH? In that case you are massively over reacting.

AIBU to think she should have tried staying with friends/family or called a locksmith?

That's exactly what she did. She stayed with a friend

Your DH sounds like a good man who'd rather she had somewhere safe to sleep than be left goodness knows where if she couldn't find her keys.
And people say random person but she's his colleague. He obviously knows her well enough to trust her enough to say have the sofa for the night.

If his shift finished at 11, that’s not a night shift, that’s a late shift. I’d just make sure this was a one off… just in case she gets comfortable with this arrangement.

11pm?

Well, that's not late is it really? I was expecting 5am or something

I finish later than that some nights!

Still not unreasonable of him to offer to help though

That is completely different. @pinkdata husband's colleague is female. That means a) she's more vulnerable than a man if she can't get into her home late at night and she probably feels a lot safer on a sofa in a family home than any of the alternatives b) she's far less dangerous than a man to @pinkdata and her children.

Id be irritated but I can imagine after a long shift it just seemed like the easiest option - trying to get a locksmith at midnight on a Saturday night, or find friends who were awake would have been a pain. I can understand why you felt unsettled though especially given the background you've mentioned but I think your husband was just being kind. Hopefully she'll be up and gone soon!

I am neurodiverse and hate people staying over - but for me I would be proud of my hubby not leaving her alone to sort out her problem at that time of night.

@dreamer24 I am afraid that the reality is that a man you don't know sleeping on your couch is a completely different thing from a woman.

I don't agree. Any stranger in my home when I wake in the morning makes me feel equally uncomfortable I'm afraid.

OK, but the risks are definitely different. And the woman being locked out of her home is in a more vulnerable position than a man.

Shift ends before midnight and he calls it night shift. This would wind me up way more 😂
-misses point of thread-

You husband seems like a kind man. Kindness is a good quality.

I think your DH did a good thing.

I'm ND as well and wouldn't have this.
However, such situation will never happen here.
I want others to ask of me exactly what I ask of them.
Nothing.

Personally I would not be at all happy if my DH did something like that. My suspicious mind would suspect she was 'trying it on' with your DH.

Woman has no boundaries, I would nip it in the bud. Also, his 'saviour' drift is disconcerting. This is how affairs usually start.

Agree on both counts.

But I'd be equally unhappy with a random stranger of either sex on my sofa first thing in the morning when I wasn't expecting them to be there.

I'm not neurodivergent and also hate people staying over. I don't think someone's neuro status is relevant to OP's question.

Surprised that so many would be fine with this. I’d be uncomfortable with a houseguest without prewarning, especially one with severe mental health issues. Just seems a bit strange.

Apart from people with a relevant trauma history, or in some cases neuro diversity, I think that people are being unnecessarily inhospitable and/or suspicious.