Husband brought colleague home overnight

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My husband started a new job this year where he works night shift at a hospital. He normally comes home when I'm already deeply asleep. This morning he informed me that one of his colleagues was asleep on the sofa. Apparently she couldn't find her house keys and he offered she'd stay with us. I'm not super happy with that because 1) I have never met her, 2) we have small children and I don't feel comfortable having a complete stranger in my house, especially while I'm asleep. AIBU to think she should have tried staying with friends/family or called a locksmith? My husband said she has extremely bad mental health issues and he was concerned for her, which I do empathise with. She's still asleep on our sofa now...

Do you think having anxiety/depression, or for that matter controlled bi-polar, makes you a threat to children?

I don't know where to start with that.

😂

No I don't think that.

But it concerns me that if this woman is working in health care and her mental health is so poor she has to be looked after because she loses her keys is she really competent to be doing her job?

Her colleague thinks she is not competent to look after herself so why is she not off work getting help for her mental issues rather than relying on colleagues to look after her?

I’m sure she’s not.

Just like I’m sure if it was Gary the 56 year old bald overweight hospital porter who’d lost his keys the DH wouldn’t have played the knight in shining armour and invited him to come home with him.

I’m even more sure the DH’s “big drive to rescue/save people” like he’s done previously with the single mum , only extends to women.

Jeez, so many assumptions.

Nobody said she couldn't cope and it's only the OP's account that she has 'very bad' MH conditions.

Having been in the world of work for 40+ years I've worked with plenty of people with MH issues. The vast majority were competent and committed employees. A lot were women messed up by awful men.

If I had a colleague who had lost their keys then offering them my sofa or spare room would be an option. Just as it was when, c1982, a bunch of us lingered too long in a pub after post work cricket and missed the last tube.

Since I lived within walking distance they slept in the lounge of my shared house.

Why are you saying I am making assumptions?

OP said in her first post:

"... My husband said she has extremely bad mental health issues and he was concerned for her..."

That is pretty straight forward to me. Or are you implying OP is lying about what her DH said to her?

As someone who works in health care this was his judgement on hiS colleague.

It doesn't make her sound competent to be doing her job to me.

I actually don't see what the mental health issues have to do with anything, are people implying that she would somehow be a "danger" to the OP and her children because of some health problems? That is pretty offensive and a load of nonsense. It's all the more reason to be helpful and kind.

And no, she will not have represented a threat to anyone.

Unless the colleague was very young (under 25) or on very low pay, then she should have taken responsibility for the situation herself and phoned a locksmith asap. That’s why they work 24 hours. Or, if she really didn’t want to spend the money and thought that the keys were likely to be at home, she should have called a close friend or family member and taken the risk of annoying them rather than imposing on a male colleague and his family.

I am not unsympathetic as I write from the perspective of finding myself locked out in central London, aged 22, with none of my flatmates due home for an entire weekend! I was young and idiotic but in a real pinch as I had no money, no means of payment and no information (it was well before the days of mobile phones!). However, I at least tried to solve the problem by myself (for an entire 10 hour day) before imposing on someone else (a close friend was due to come around that night so I met her outside my building). And I have been pretty careful with my keys ever since as that was a lesson that I didn’t forget in a hurry!

On the whole I do think that fully-grown adults should first try to solve their own problems (even if it costs money) and a lot of threads on Mumsnet would be avoided if people stuck to that basic principle.

@Bekindtoyourselfandothers I lost my keys on a train, does that make me incompetent to do my job?

OP's husband may be gilding the lily to justify what, in the cold light of morning and spousal dissatisfaction, seems an ill thought through act.

Around 1992 I was leaving one post to move to another in the same outfit. I knew everybody in the team I was moving to. One was a woman a handful of years younger than me. She was in an abusive relationship and, at an office party, crying over having to go home and be punched etc. I thought about offering her our spare room but in the event a female colleague took her in hand.

Was I bad person to contemplate it?

I would though have rung home from the (London end) station so DP knew.

Well done to your DH not leaving her on the street alone in the middle of the night.

This

Op
you wait till you’ve got teenage or young adult boys, they bring all sorts of people home. I often go downstairs with all these kids are asleep on sofas but yes they would text me to say there are.

Well yes OP's husband may very well be " gilding the lily" to justify bringing a female colleague home to spend the night.

But if that's the case, and she really doesn't have mental health issues and she really isn't incompetent then it begs the question WHY did he feel the need to bring her home with him?

Did she find her keys OP?

If you're desperate for the last word you can have it; we'll agree to differ.

I wasn't desperate for the last word but you kept challenging everything I posted so I was always going to stand up for myself!
However, I'm quite happy to agree to differ and not derail OP's thread any further.

Your husband has been amazing. Sorry but even if you have family in the area, or friends, who has their phone switched on at 11pm? Nobody will be reachable. Same with locksmiths, they don’t show up at the drop of a hat on a weekend, and it’s a big cost.

After a late shift all anyone wants and needs is get some sleep - and I’m sure she’ll find they keys in the morning.

My colleagues have offered me to sleep over even when I have a bit of a long commute. People need to look after each other.

Spare bedroom or bed. Fine. Sofa. Yack! But that’s my only objection. I would hate anyone on my velvet sofas sleeping and would not allow but I have spare room and realise not everyone has velvet sofas. The colleague help is fine. It’s just a blow up bed or something else would be better to have someone sleep on.

I have been a person locked out of her house, I have also been a person who's let others locked out of their houses crash at my place. I wouldn't be bothered if DP brought someone back in these circumstances and I wouldn't expect him to make a fuss if I brought someone back. It's basic decency. I would be much more upset if he woke me up to ask me, I don't enjoy being woken up unnecessarily at all!

Quite a lot of MN posters - but thankfully not most - are convinced that everyone else in the world is out to harm you and/or any interaction between a man and a woman is the sign of an affair (or potential affair). What a miserable, nasty way to look at the world.

Yes that.

Our door is often open to friends and families who are having a rough patch. I wouldn’t be quite as cool about a random colleague but one night on the sofa wouldn’t bother me too much.

Nobody help you, so other people shouldn't get help either? Nah.

Was coming to say the same

No, I am saying that part of being a fully-grown adult is to take responsibility for yourself, if at all possible. Everyone has things going on in their life, so imposing on someone else should not be done lightly.

When people really need help or support then I am there - for example when a friend told me something in tears on a morning school run - I dropped everything that I had planned for that day (work, plans etc) to drive her home and talk with her for as long as she needed.

But a set of lost keys? I would generally expect an adult to be able to sort that out amongst their immediate family and friends (or by booking a locksmith), especially now that almost anything can be done on a phone.

What do you think a working, desperate woman who is mentally not quite where she wants to be, is going to do with your children?

I couldn't ever turn someone in that position away. He could've pre warned but you'd have been asleep anyway.

Shes probably incredibly grateful. I hope you didn't make her feel uncomfortable.