Husband brought colleague home overnight

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My husband started a new job this year where he works night shift at a hospital. He normally comes home when I'm already deeply asleep. This morning he informed me that one of his colleagues was asleep on the sofa. Apparently she couldn't find her house keys and he offered she'd stay with us. I'm not super happy with that because 1) I have never met her, 2) we have small children and I don't feel comfortable having a complete stranger in my house, especially while I'm asleep. AIBU to think she should have tried staying with friends/family or called a locksmith? My husband said she has extremely bad mental health issues and he was concerned for her, which I do empathise with. She's still asleep on our sofa now...

Sorry you had to go through that when you were younger, I think it's understandable this disturbed you! It sounds like your husband was trying to do a good thing.

I wouldn’t like it due to small children in the house with someone who is a stranger to you and them. I would also hate the disruption of not being able to go into the living room as usual. As a one off I’d let it go but I’d make it clear to DH it can’t become a habit.

Sounds like your DH did the right thing.

Meh this happened to me before. I was glad to be honest. If he was doing something dodgy he would never have brought her home

I think it's really important for people living in a house they consider their home to be able to extend these niceties without fear of retribution. Honestly, if he'd offered for her to stay a week, then yes sure it's reasonable to expect him to discuss it with you. But this was an emergency and he did a good thing. He sounds like a decent bloke.

Your husband did the right thing. She might not have family near and it was late at night so a locksmith would be difficult.
yes, it’s not ideal having someone you don’t know in your house but your husband knows her and sounds like she was in need.

I actually think the opposite. I think it's important for everyone living in a home to be aware of and comfortable with any house guests. I always run it by DH if someone is staying over (which is rare) and vice versa. There's never an issue of course, but it just seems courteous that everyone who lives there knows who's going to be present in their home when they wake up.

Even just simple things like, DH often goes downstairs in a morning in just his boxers, and I might have particularly short pyjama shorts on and no bra under my PJ top. It would be unfair on either of us to go downstairs and be greeted by a stranger (to us, at least - I haven't met DH's work colleagues and he hasn't met mine, so to each of us they'd be strangers) when you're semi naked. That's unfair.

I'd be more concerned about what happens next. Make sure he doesn't persuade you to let her stay.

I feel like I’m in the minority reading these comments. I’d expect him to wait with her while she phoned a locksmith or dropped her to a family members house, yes don’t leave her alone. But she’s a grown woman, she can deal with things herself, her mental health issues are not for him to deal with. Id also expect for him to wake me when he got home and say look so and so is outside, she’s got no where to go - can she stay on the couch. Its all a bit fishy.

I have zero problems with it. We generally have more or less an open door policy in our house and I would be the first to offer this solution if my partner called me and asked. Which means he doesn't need to call and ask because he knows it is absolutely fine. This makes asking just a pointless task, in my eyes.

I would feel proud of a husband who had helped a colleague in these circumstances - he was looking out for a vulnerable women late at night who was unable to get (in)to her home. This is someone who works in a hospital, so she will have a full DBS, so not likely to be a threat to your family.

They finished work at 11pm. That’s not a night shift and I’m guessing they were back at yours for midnight.

In my head shift finishes at 23:00 means it's well on the way to 23:30, on a good day, before you're exiting the building. Colleague's missing keys become an issue and further time is spent looking for where they might be, turning bags out and thinking where they might have been lost.

Easily near midnight before she's offered the space.

I would expect to be asked. We dont have an open door policy and not everyone is comfortable with that for various reasons (mine is due to childhood issues).

Thats not to say I dont think your husband was kind- he absolutely was but yes, I would want to be asked first. It's my house too.

If he'd asked I would have absolutely said yes as a one off because clearly she needed help but I dont think its out of order to want to be consulted about it.

It's all part of the man hating. If he does a good and decent thing for a woman that must mean he is having an affair with her.

But hey, I'm apparently a "cool wife" for knowing my husband is a good, decent person and a complete idiot for having any trust at all in the man I chose to marry and raise a child with. Silly me. 😆

That seems like important information you would put in the original post. Strange you missed it out.

Mostly this.
Whatever about it being fishy,
considering your husbands history of poor judgment, even more so.

At 11pm there were other options but he didn't bother even giving you a basic heads up.

I wouldn't be impressed at all.
You need to have another very clear conversation going forward about boundaries with him.

He has to stop bringing her to your home. Your children have to be kept safe at all times. Sleeping is when we're at our most vulnerable. I'd tell him to stop.

It sounds more like the wittering of a paranoid fantasist to me.

This.

It’s not a random person off the street. It’s somebody he knows.

She needed help and he helped her.

Do you know how expensive a locksmith would be in the middle of the night?

He sounds like a lovely chap.

I would rather my DH brought someone home to sleep on the sofa than left them on their own if they were locked out. Might be a bit upset about not having the opportunity to do a quick tidy up first!!

Exactly - it is such a sexist insult.

I wouldn't be thrilled if I didn't know but I would be pleased DH was kind to someone he works with - i.e. actually knows

What should he have done? Left her in the street? It’s not always easy to get I touch with friends or family at that time of
night.

It wouldn't bother me, I'd hope someone would do the same if him or I were in that situation. It's not as though it was some random he met in a bar

It wouldn't bother me, I'd hope someone would do the same if him or I were in that situation. It's not as though it was some random he met in a bar