Husband brought colleague home overnight

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My husband started a new job this year where he works night shift at a hospital. He normally comes home when I'm already deeply asleep. This morning he informed me that one of his colleagues was asleep on the sofa. Apparently she couldn't find her house keys and he offered she'd stay with us. I'm not super happy with that because 1) I have never met her, 2) we have small children and I don't feel comfortable having a complete stranger in my house, especially while I'm asleep. AIBU to think she should have tried staying with friends/family or called a locksmith? My husband said she has extremely bad mental health issues and he was concerned for her, which I do empathise with. She's still asleep on our sofa now...

When we broke up, my ex really dragged his feet about moving out. One night it all got to stressful and I was about to sleep in my car to avoid being in the same flat as him, when one of HIS friends noticed me, took me home, and gave me a bed in the spare room for the night. His wife was surprised but very welcoming to me. I'll never forget that kindness, I wish there were more people like that in the world.

Befriend the person. Your husband is kind.

I am presuming the mental heath issues are some level of anxiety or stress-related condition, which would make me inclined to be more hospitable to her, not less.

Why? Would it be okay if op had woken to a man on the sofa?

I wouldn’t be happy about this and certainly wouldn’t be hiding out upstairs keeping quiet while she’s still asleep on the sofa at this time in the morning.

They finished work at 11pm. That’s not a night shift and I’m guessing they were back at yours for midnight.

She should be up and gone by now. I’m also a bit that she had no other options, only your DH could possibly help, mental health issues, blah blah.

I’d watch this one. Sounds like the start of a “knight in shining armour” infatuation/ego stroke scenario.

Wouldn't bother me and to be fair I'd have been quite nosey. Made her a cup of tea and found out what had happened. It would have made my morning more interesting than pulling apart two young children fighting every 5 mins.

OP says she can empathise with the MH issues so I'm wondering what she would have done if she had been in the colleagues position.

@jannier
Erm i think you misread my comment? I said I'd be equally unhappy with either sex of random person on my sofa.

Have you asked your DH what he didn't check with you first?

This! These replies are bizarre 😂

Yeah it's weird, and I would've be chuffed personally.

Wouldn't have been chuffed*

I'd be uncomfortable with an unexpected house guest but that's because my house wouldn't be "guest" ready. I'd still be proud that my partner hadn't left anyone stranded though but I know he's a big softy i also know just how ott another woman would have to go to get him to notice she was flirting. But I would expect him to disturb me and let me know when he got home not in the morning.

It's not being a "coolwife" to be helpful and hospitable!

I wish more people would go for clean breaks and changed locks and would not foist their problems on friends of friends. No need for this drama, not a life-and-death situation. Your ex was not beating or threatening you - then I agree it would have been different - I am all for providing shelter for the night to people who are in danger, no 'buts' and 'ifs' about it.

I'm sure he was just helping out a colleague, but in your shoes I think he should have woken you when he got in to tell you she was there.

I'm struggling to see what risk you think you or your children are at from a female colleague of your H sleeping on your sofa? It's not like it's a random bloke he met down the pub who might murder you in your beds and steal the silver. I guess it depends on your household norms and priorities though. Personally I'd put the woman's safety over my need for privacy in this particular context.

Although, the fact that it was 11pm not actually the end of a real night shift does change it a bit and does mean that he probably should have woken her up, I do agree.

This is exactly the response I would expect from DH, and I put him in a similar situation when I had to dash out in the middle of the night to retrieve a colleague and her DC when her arsehole husband had come in drunk and abusive again. I didn't wake him, I just told him in the morning that colleague and her DC were in our spare room. DHs response was to make pancakes for all of the DC for breakfast, understanding they were in a difficult situation and I was dealing with a very distraught mum. (It's also one of the only things he comes well so he loves an opportunity to make stacks of pancakes 😁)

Difficult.
I'd be annoyed because I'm very wary of strangers around my children female or male.

But
I'd also love how caring and kind hearted a gesture it is, to help a colleague in need.

If he was giving her a lift home then she realised she had no keys, perhaps he was tired and just wanted to go home and offered for her to stay over and try to sort her key issue in the morning.
I wouldn't have a problem with that.

I wouldn't be happy at all with this on a few levels:

I wouldn't be happy waking up and finding a stranger sleeping in my home. Especially with small children in the house.

He could have texted you, called you when they finished their shit to let you know she was coming home with him. Why didn't he? Did he think you wouldn't be happy with her coming home with him?

If her mental health issues are so bad shouldn't be off sick rather than at work in job where these issues could impact her ability to do it responsibly. If she can't organise her own life - losing house keys? - how can she help other people.

Why does your DH think he is responsible for helping her with her mental health? It's not his job if she is just a work colleague.