AIBU for leaving my DP's dad's BBQ?

[startinganewforonce]

Just a quick one because I do feel like an AH, but was IBU to leave my DP's dad's BBQ because he picked up burgers to put on the BBQ, didn't wash his hands and was touching everything?! I have contamination OCD and raw meat is my biggest fear. I was getting angry and upset and had to go, DP was mad as we had our two year old with us but I have heard about what e.coli can do young kids and it's a fear of mine..

This is why you need good quality tongs. so they can be dipped in the flames/charcoal to sterilise them as you go along.

Is everyone who attended the BBQ fine?

If they are, then that kind of answers your question.

I think you are right OP and I have a cast iron stomach and constitution.

If anything, more care needs to be taken with BBQ than in a kitchen but it seems to go the other way at pretty much every one I've been to.

I like the idea of the ones where everyone is responsible for their own meat but when I get invited, I stick to the baked spuds and beer and be done with it.

Oh come on op - you didn’t want to go in the first place. You could have stayed and not eaten anything. That’s what I do, I’m not a fan of other people’s cooking on bbqs either. Why deliberately upset your DP and his family, that’s just rude.

I have emetophobia (fear of vomiting) so this is something I would definitely notice and feel panicky/grossed out about. And touching raw meat then not washing your hands IS disgusting anyway. YANBU in feeling angry/upset over it however I wouldn’t have left the bbq because it’s ruined it for your DP and daughter. I agree with PPs that if you have OCD regarding contamination then a barbecue isn’t the best idea. Maybe send DP and DD next time and you stay at home.

I am getting therapy for my OCD and anxiety, but this has just given me a major set back. I get I asked if I'm being the AH at getting angry, as I felt bad for my DP but no one saw me get angry. I was angry at him for not understanding my OCD and wanting to leave. He stayed. I just wanted to go as didn't want him handing my daughter with his raw meat hands..

And yes, I didn't want to go in the first place because of my OCD.

I didn't upset him on purpose, I cannot control my mental health sometimes and how it works

I think you are being OTT and need to get help with this. In the long run you will make yourself and your family miserable
How are you going to cope when you get those food offerings children make at school, will you refuse to eat those and anything else not prepared under clinical conditions too?
I think a lot of people have suspect hygiene but most of us have never been ill from barbecues or friends' and relatives' home cooking. My Nan used to say "You have to eat a peck of muck before you die" meaning we all eat a bit of dirt or unsanitary stuff as part of normal life. There is a theory that it helps the immune system too

A lot lot posters seem to have lost track of the fact that this filthy bugger was happy to compromise the health of his own granddaughter.

I don’t think of it as a set back, yes it wouldn’t have helped, but touching raw meat, not washing your hands and then spreading bacteria around everywhere is just disgusting. I’d have not wanted to eat anything, or want my child to eat anything and potentially get very ill just for the sake of not upsetting people. People wouldn’t accept it in a kitchen. It’s no different outdoors. I bet you he would have handled the cooked meat with unwashed hands as well. You’re not unreasonable.

I went to a BBQ where raw chicken was taken out of a bowl and the put back into the same bowl when it was cooked. I don’t much like eating at other people’s houses.

This isn't a major set back, this is great you can now discuss what happened with your therapist and they can discuss with you what you can do different next time. Did you discuss the bbq with the therapist before you went

How on earth are you going to manage when your dc starts going to parties and play areas?
I'd be really pissed off with you if I was your partner, your behaviour was embarrassing.

My goodness it has never crossed my mind that someone cooking on a bbq should wash their hands between putting the meat on & taking the cooked meat off. I'm still alive & never been ill from it

Some mental health conditions can be cured but most are for life and can only be managed through drugs

It is a shame that your OCD is spoiling family events for you to the extent that you

• don’t want to go in the first place
• are constantly vigilant about things instead of enjoying yourself
• feel angry
• storm out and leave taking your daughter with you and ruining it for all involved.

If you are in treatment that is really positive and I would bring this up and try and develop strategies so that you can have more enjoyment at family gatherings. The hyper vigilance of you noticing things clearly nobody else was bothered about is really not healthy and cannot be enjoyable.

Your DP does also need to develop more empathy and also some strategies for supporting you in social situations

I think you perhaps need to prepare in future so you can cope without resorting to leaving. The simplest way is to eat before you go and feed DC then while you're there stick to picking at safe foods, crisps, bread etc. Obviously that's symptom management rather than cure for your anxiety but it could help you navigate these events in future without it turning into a big deal.

That's actually really good to talk about it at your next session. Would you be able to think about your biggest fears re the food as see how much comes true? How many bbq guests actually become ill? How serious?

You solid can’t expect others to stick to your standards in regards to handwashing etc. it's basic food hygiene she hasn't expected anything he shouldn't be doing anyway

I cannot believe some of the replies! YANBU! So he walked around with salmonella jeans, covering beers bottles k compilobactor and shaking hands with E. coli. I would have left too. OCD aside that is incredibly poor food hygiene by any standards.

I agree with pp, eat before you go & DC too & then just pick at the prepackaged non meat items that haven't touched the bbq such as bread, cheese, salad. If asked just say you don't care for the taste of bbq meat

So you don’t mind a salmonella salad?