AIBU for leaving my DP's dad's BBQ?

[startinganewforonce]

Just a quick one because I do feel like an AH, but was IBU to leave my DP's dad's BBQ because he picked up burgers to put on the BBQ, didn't wash his hands and was touching everything?! I have contamination OCD and raw meat is my biggest fear. I was getting angry and upset and had to go, DP was mad as we had our two year old with us but I have heard about what e.coli can do young kids and it's a fear of mine..

It's an eye opener!

YABU.

I'm shocked by how many people don't see the issue! I wonder how they'd feel if he had rubbed a raw chicken drumstick on the DCs face. Because it amounts to the same thing.

Some of these responses beggar belief.

FIL is not being called unhygienic merely because OP has OCD. He is acting in an unhygienic manner because he's careless about food poisoning with little kids about.

The number of people who think it's perfectly okay to be so lax with raw meat, is shocking. If you want to eat a bread roll handled by such a person, you knock yourself out. Go lick the floor of the local slaughter house if you want but don't push your laissez-faire attitude on other folks, especially not when tiny children, who can get very ill from poor food handling practices, are involved. A bloke handling raw meat and chicken, wiping his hands on his piss splashed jeans is gross. He will then be touching the salad, buns, drinks, plates, cutlery and more.

It's almost as if some of these people think their personal beliefs kill bacteria.

Will his guests get sick. Who knows. Maybe, maybe not, but he has no decency to put that risk on them.

She quietly excused herself. She didn't stand up and scream, "dirty bastard". No way would I risk my guts, nor my child's, to pacify men who don't want to wash their hands. I'm willing to bet if he doesn't wash hands after handling raw chicken, he doesn't wash hands after visiting the toilet either.

Steak tartare is (supposed to be) made using high quality cuts of beef that are minced by the chef there and then.

The beef in burgers/mince can be from any part of the cow, and when it’s minced it‘s likely to get mixed up with parts of its intestines (where the E. coli lives) or parts which have come into contact with its intestines during the butchering process.

So it’s possible steak tartare could contain E. coli but it’s much less likely.

Unfortunately minced beef can be a big problem and is a well known cause of e.coli.
E.coli comes from the gutts of cows if the cow isn't gutted properly then the meat gets contaminated on a surface level. This contamination is generally not a problem with steak (even rare steak) as its only on the surface and is killed when the meat is sealed. However when contaminated meat is minced the bacteria is spread throughout the entire batch of meat and as such needs thoroughly cooked through to kill it all. The 1st major us e.coli outbreak was from a large burger chain getting contaminated beef burgers and not cooking them properly, it killed about a dozen kids.
Though in this case it was raw chicken that he touched and then wiped his hands on his jeans and then started touching things that wouldn't be cooked and people so salmonella and compilobacter (sp) were a much greater risk than e.coli in this instance

DP’s dad’s actions were not ideal but the risks are really small and you face those risks all the time whether you’ve watched someone do something unhygienic or not because very few people are meticulous about it. You let your mental health impact your family and their relationships.

I had a barbecue yesterday.

I did the chicken in 4 batches, in grilling baskets, 2 baskets at a time.

So first lot, washed hands, loaded up grilling baskets, went immediately to wash hands. Used a soapy cloth to wipe grilling basket handles as they had been touched with my chickeny fingers, & needed to handle them to flip & later serve the cooked chicken.

Repeated this with the rest of the chicken one hour later.

I have a food catering background.

I would not be worried if handling steak (probably would still wash hands properly, as it's an ingrained habit for moving from any meat to anything else eg salad). But chicken - I treat my hands as radioactive until they've had a soapy scrub! I would not touch other food, household items or people.

It'll be fine 99% of the time. But I've had campylobacter & it is horrible.

Also, if I'm catering for guests, I'm extra punctilious. So no OP, yanbu.

I feel bad for you. Your DP doesn’t seem to understand or care about your anxiety/OCD. It sounds like he wants to brush your issues under the carpet and try his best to force you to be normal.
Yes, your reaction is outside the normal range of behaviour in a situation like this but he should know you, love you and have compassion.
Do you think it will work long term between you and him? I think you need support with your OCD both professionally and fro a loving and supportive partner.

Yeah and some people are going to be like no its not..but it is!

Obsessive compulsive disorder is a mental health condition where you have recurring thoughts and repetitive behaviours that you cannot control.

Sounds more like a phobia than OCD

Most people are meticulous about it!

This is why the NHS is on its knees

Fair enough! Thanks for explaining, I’ve had steak tartare before but had no idea about this.

I think this post highlights how many people have very low standards of hygiene especially surrounding food.

I think they should run an ad campaign like when they had to teach everyone how to clean their hands like it was a new mysterious thing to do

*Obsessive compulsive disorder is a mental health condition where you have recurring thoughts and repetitive behaviours that you cannot control.

Sounds more like a phobia than OCD*

OP has said she has contamination OCD. Not all OCD comes with repetitive behaviours, often it's just the thoughts.

So you were looking for a reason to go?
I'm not surprised your husband was annoyed.

No, she said he touched the burger and then touched other things.
Either way, this level of anxiety isn’t normal.

YANBU. I don't have OCD and I wouldn't be happy and would ask DH to discreetly tell his Dad to wash his hands (this is something my FIL would also do) and I wouldn't want to eat anything unless I opened the sealed breadbun pack and got a burger directly from the bbq onto it after that. I'd probably avoid the salad stuff if basic food hygiene hadn't been practiced. (DISCLAIMER. I love my inlaws to bits but I think some older men do consider hand washing a begrudgingly optional excercise. 😅)

You have OCD I can imagine the situation was unbearable, your DH has to be more understanding and allow ypu to remove yourself from a situation if he's not going to intervene and some Mumsnetters need to stop being ableist fuckwits.

That would be salmonella for eggs. E coli is normally an issue with unpasteurised milk. It’s one of the reasons you can have burgers medium rare.

https://www.foodstandards.gov.scot/consumers/food-safety/at-home/barbecue-food-safety

YANBU

People die from salmonella, campylobacter, and e coli.

I think OP knows her own diagnosis

I couldn’t eat there. It makes me feel sick even reading it.

A lot of places put disclaimers on their menus now that their burgers are served "pink" and that official advice is they should be well done so let them know if you want it well done

I don’t eat salad.