Does anyone else not really have any friends?

MissEsmeWatson · 23/08/2024 19:50

Women in books and films do, but I suspect not in real life.

Chocolateorange22 · 23/08/2024 19:51

I do have a couple of large groups of female friends. One is my university housemates, we live all around the UK and parts of the world. Sometimes we meet up individually but not really face to face now we all have kids and are married etc. The other is my NCT mates from our first borns. I moved away two years ago so now to go down in a weekend away and a lot of planning. Went down last year but couldn't this year. Wouldn't say either group i'd now talk about my very personal info. I'm a bit of a lone ranger really and my hobbies I can do alone really.

DinaofCloud9 · 23/08/2024 19:51

I don't think a lot of women have a big group of friends but I think most people do have at least one friend.

OrwellianTimes · 23/08/2024 19:53

I have several good friends who I manage to see a few times a year. I don’t have a big group to hang out with. I used to, but I’ve moved too many times and it’s been incredibly hard making friends in the place I’ve lived in for the last 12 years. People I knew elsewhere were so much more accepting and diverse. Where I live now seems very narrow minded and insular.

CeeJay81 · 23/08/2024 19:54

Not just you.
I have a couple of friends I meet up fairly regular (separately) for a coffee or occasionally lunch and maybe go out with a few work mates about 3 times a year, but that's it.

MaybeImbad · 23/08/2024 19:54

What are your circumstances OP? I assume from your post don’t have a partner and children, do you live on your own?

I don’t think it’s that unusual - I just think undereported and under represented! I definitely don’t think everyone has big groups of friends. Starting small can help. What are your interests? Are there local groups you can join?

Newsenmum · 23/08/2024 19:56

I’m always surprised by this, like how have you got to this point? Haven’t you been trying to make sure you regularly meet up with people since leaving school? If you’re kind and friendly and keep making an effort I’m sure you’ll find people. You have to try though.

Enigma52 · 23/08/2024 19:57

Me. I've moved lots of times in my life. I had friends when I first moved to my current area, but they/ we have all moved on.

I've been diagnosed with SBC and my oldest " friend" ( 42 years) absolutely doesn't want to know.

Fine by me.

CheeseWisely · 23/08/2024 19:57

I do have quite a few friends from different circles. 3-4 I speak to or see quite regularly and maybe a dozen more on the periphery. They're the ones I'm always glad to see but we don't get together often, or the ones that live in other countries so catching up in person is hard.

Not to say that this applies to you at all OP, just on the same subject, but I so often see threads on MN where invites to things are seen as a huge imposition and the concept of doing a small favour is unthinkable, that I'm not entirely surprised that a lot of people end up not having many, or any, friends.

TinkerTiger · 23/08/2024 19:57

I'm single so no one at home but yes I have friends. A few of them have moved out of the area but we message regularly and meet up a couple of times a year.

I have one friend that I talk to through messaging in a daily basis, she also lives close by so we occasionally meet up.

I will say, I put a lot of effort into staying in touch. One of my friends complains a lot about not having many friends but she regularly leaves me on read for ages, goes quiet for weeks at a time, and cancels plans. Shes lucky that I'm patient with her. She's moved away now and struggles a lot, she made a friend but things cooled after she regularly didn't turn up to things the friend organised.

I know on MN it's a popular opinion that no one owes you their time and they can reply to messages when they feel like it, but it's a two-way street.

Imnotbad · 23/08/2024 19:58

I don't work so no work friends. I don't have friends in general. I only talk to my kids and MN 🫠

CeeJay81 · 23/08/2024 19:59

@Newsenmum you obviously have had a fairly easy life and haven't got a clue what it's like to suffer from lack of confidence/social anxiety. There are all sorts of reasons people haven't got lots of friends, but being surprised by it, Really?

DrPeculiar · 23/08/2024 20:00

I've got three friends who are proper friends, one I see twice a month, the others I speak to twice a month but I only see them a couple of times a year.

My wider social circle shrunk during COVID, after COVID I was finishing my PhD as well as working full time and being a single parent so I didn't really notice it.

I do a couple of hobbies which are very friendly groups, but I can't say that I think of any of them as friends.

It is largely OK with me. DC are old enough to be independent and seem to have a spectacular social life. I don't have anyone to phone up and casually ask to meet me for a drink. My friends (and acquaintances) all have their own lives/families.

By the time I've had a busy week at work and done a couple of hobby groups I cba to do much more than garden, go for a walk, sew during the winter etc., etc..

Rewis · 23/08/2024 20:00

I have friends. However they're married with kids and so busy that we rarely see each other anymore. Only 1 or 2 that I see regularly. I feel like I see my mom the most. I also have 2 hobby groups so while we sre not really frieds. It is still social. We've been talking about moving and I'm very worried about not having friends.

Homebaby · 23/08/2024 20:01

Largely through prioritising work which limits my social life I'm pretty much the same these days. I have one friend who I could call on in an emergency but other than that my friend circle is non existent. I don't miss the hangovers after a night out and the occasional falling out and drama and do enjoy my own company but it's something that does make me feel a bit sad sometimes.
I will say that I don't think a huge friend group is the norm despite what social media tells you.

LakieLady · 23/08/2024 20:01

I hate to say it, but it gets worse as you get older. I've outlived several of my friends, and a couple are very busy with GCs and/or caring for ageing partners.

TinkerTiger · 23/08/2024 20:01

CeeJay81 · 23/08/2024 19:59

@Newsenmum you obviously have had a fairly easy life and haven't got a clue what it's like to suffer from lack of confidence/social anxiety. There are all sorts of reasons people haven't got lots of friends, but being surprised by it, Really?

Well, I'd expect that if you suffer from lack of confidence/social anxiety, you wouldn't be confused as to why don't have friends and therefore wouldn't make a post about it.

NewName24 · 23/08/2024 20:04

I feel like most women have these big groups of girlfriends.

I don't think that's true.
I would say I have lots of friends, but there isn't one big group. I'm friendly with A&B who I used to go to school with and C who I worked with decades ago, then D&E from current work and F from one hobby and G, H, and I from where I volunteer, etc., etc. They don't all know each other. I am in touch with different people in different ways and meet with them for different things.

There are threads like this on MN every week, so clearly there are a disproportionately large number of people who post on here, who don't have friends. So it isn't unusual amongst MNers.

Comedycook · 23/08/2024 20:04

I have a group of friends but as we've got older, meeting up has been a rarity. Husbands, kids, extended family commitments and distance make it a once in a blue moon event.

DrPeculiar · 23/08/2024 20:04

CeeJay81 · 23/08/2024 19:59

@Newsenmum you obviously have had a fairly easy life and haven't got a clue what it's like to suffer from lack of confidence/social anxiety. There are all sorts of reasons people haven't got lots of friends, but being surprised by it, Really?

I agree, not being unkind @Newsenmum but there are tons of reasons, sheer exhaustion from getting up at 5:45 to work full time combined with being a single parent scuppered my enthusiasm to socialise initially. I spent years being bone tired and going to bed when DC did.

Now, I like my own company enough for my lack of social life not to worry me. I go to a hobby one night a week/one morning at the weekend which is ok right now.

Freefie · 23/08/2024 20:06

Look up Robin Dunbar's books about friendship. You might find it very interesting.

I have groups of acquaintances but a just a handful of friends who I tend to see 1:1. Coffee, or walk usually. Occasionally a meal out with a small group of work colleagues. I don't have any friends from my school days and didn't go to university.

I get on well enough with most of the people I come across but you can have too much of a good thing and enjoy my own company too. When the children were small we had family friends but they've mainly dropped by the wayside. I love the company of my adult dc but don't rely on them to keep me entertained.

Not a party animal at all and would say DH is my closest friend. I love my female friends but we're not in each other's pockets at all.

Works for me.

StoneTheCrone · 23/08/2024 20:06

I prefer siblings and cousins to friends but I do have two good, close friends and two work friends plus a larger group of aquaintances I only see a couple of times per year.

Ive worked full time for over 40 years none-stop and moved over sixteen times, so that limits friendships to those who can be bothered to make an effort.

I think Uni and high school are the best times to make friends though. Miss that and you're screwed.

Solymoly · 23/08/2024 20:07

I have people I know well like at our walking club but not really friends as such that they would come round the house for a chatty night in

Fromage · 23/08/2024 20:08

I have absolutely no friends at all.

Quirkyme · 23/08/2024 20:09

Newsenmum · 23/08/2024 19:56

I’m always surprised by this, like how have you got to this point? Haven’t you been trying to make sure you regularly meet up with people since leaving school? If you’re kind and friendly and keep making an effort I’m sure you’ll find people. You have to try though.

This is insensitive.