Does anyone else not really have any friends?

[Hernamewaslola22]

Wondering if it's just me. I have friends at work and 1 or 2 out of work...we very very rarely do anything together. I spend most weekends completely alone. I feel like most women have these big groups of girlfriends.

I have no friends from school or university or work. I’m just not the type of person people want to hang out with and that can be hard to come to terms with. I’m liked by many people but not enough for them to want to spend time with me outside of work/study . I stopped asking to meet up for coffee etc because it was hurting when they’d perpetually push it down the line or ignore it.

I’ve just finished a really intense, years long project where I worked really closely with people I got on well with. It was a highly sociable working environment (necessary for successful outcome) but not once was I ever invited on their nights out. The recent wrap party extended beyond the official event and everyone waved me off in my car without telling me they were away out to the pub/clubs. It hurts. I have no answers.

I don’t have many friends but I’m not really a social sort of person. I’m happiest in my own company. I have 1 friend from school, 1 school mum friend (children now 29), 2 ex colleagues from work I meet for coffee or lunch 3/4 times a year but could call on if need be, and my sister. I then have people like my neighbours I speak to regularly and have coffee at mine or theirs occasionally and wife’s of some of my husband’s friends.

I’m busy with DH and DC and outside of that we are frequently busy visiting family (both sides). I have people at work I can grab a coffee or lunch with. Other friendships dissolved over the years. I enjoy where it is now.

Hello, are you me?! I feel so seen 😂

I have one proper friend and sisters who I can always rely on. Other than that, my experience is exactly this. I struggle to build relationships that aren’t based on common interests, I have no idea how to go about it.

I have friends from various groups, old school friends, uni friends, NCT friends / mums I’ve met since having children but only a few that I see regularly as life has changed for a lot of us and schedules are busy and we’ve drifted apart.

I get quite socially anxious and don’t really enjoy going out in the evening with new friends - currently avoiding a mums night out that has been scheduled soon that I don’t want to go to. They won’t just accept no and it’s very very annoying. It’s too expensive/ I don’t want to drink / I get anxious and although these women are lovely (and I see them a lot during term time) I want them to back off and respect my boundaries!

I have lots of acquaintances but no friends to go out for coffee or drinks with.
It used to bother me but now I’m quite happy with my own company. I think I’ve become more introverted as I’ve got older - social situations just seem like too much stress. I worry about what to wear, eat and drink and how to behave.

I have one I rarely see as she lives far away. She's socially awkward like me 😅

I don't mind though, I do what I want by myself anyway without stressing..spa, movies, restaurants. Probably looks odd to others but I don't know them so it doesn't matter 😜

I simply can't be arsed! I can chat happily to strangers when I'm out and about, but otherwise happy in my own company.

My major problem is that I am not very chatty and usually end up listening to other people holding the floor. They like talking about themselves and never show interest in what I have to say. I get tired of people cancelling on me and making excuses why they can't meet up. I prefer to keep my own company as it does not lead to hassle from other people.

That would hurt. And it is a bit mystifying as I can’t think they could have faked getting on with you in such an intense environment. If it bothers you, had you thought of just asking? 🤷🏻‍♀️ The waving you off for the party is sufficiently outside normal as to mean you would have justifiable reason for asking. I know someone who did once just ask. They were honest and told her she tended to talk over people and dominate the conversation (she did); ( not suggesting you do). She honestly had no idea and I noticed she reined it in a lot after that. She just needed to know.

I seemed to lose most of mine over my pregnancy and I’d say I don’t really have any now.

I have one who lives miles away

Lost contact with most of my school friends. Have a few on FB. Most of my friends are current and former colleagues and generally older than me.

I have bonded better with older colleagues at my previous employers. Probably because I have an older taste in music for one.

I don't agree at all - I have one close childhood friend and a few others I see very occasionally but most of my friends I have made in my 30s and 40s and now 50s. These have been made through work, children's friends parents, book club, volunteering, etc. I think you are never too old to make friends and I find it quite exciting to think there may be people that will be important to me in the future that I haven't yet met!

I guess it depends on your definition of a friend. Do I have many people I would feel comfortable calling at midnight for help? No. But I have a hobby where I see the same people regularly. I do nights out with people from work (they are still colleagues at the end of the day), I chat to other mums on the school run and at play dates.

But I only have 2 people in my life that are truly good friends (I would pick up the phone at midnight to help them).

I think there are some people who I call people collectors. They have the kind of personality that attracts friends and they have dozens of "best" friends and hundreds of just friends. When I was young the penny didn't drop that the person I thought was a close friend actually viewed me as just one of the crowd.
I think not everyone is good at making or keeping friends. I wish I was.

I've had friends andthe friendships have fizzled out. I'm in my forties, I have two friends from childhood who I meet up with 3-4 times a year and occasionally chat on what's app with. I have two nct friends one I see most weeks for a coffee (both work part time) the other I see every few months.

But I'm mostly busy with family so I don't worry too much.

I don't.
I have two colleagues who I am close to, but I imagine if any of us left the work place we wouldn't really stay in touch.
Outside of work I have two friends - one is an old school friend but she is very flaky and the other is a colleague from 30 years ago.
I married very young and my school friends drifted away as they were all still single and leading a very different life from me.
I'm not very sociable but sometimes I do look at people with a larger, but close circle of friends and think it must be nice.

@StoneTheCrone not true at all. I don’t have any friends from school, and didn’t go to uni.
I’ve got some friends from when kids were in primary, and I’ve made lots of lovely new friends over the last few years.
Op, it’s easy to say, but you have to find your tribe. It’s taken me a while, but I’m getting there, and now I have friends where I can be myself and feel accepted.

Me I don't. Not one single friend. I have people I chat to at work and a few out of work but I wouldn't say they were friends.
I actually cried to my daughter (she's nearly 18, we are really close and I'd call her a friend) that I realise how lonely I am when I take my 8 year old to the park and see others with bit groups of girlie friends. And seeing pictures or videos of the ladies from work out with their mates. I have none of that.

I think it's much less common to have close friendship groups now. Even amongst the colleagues I know who have that social group, it feels a bit superficial and as though they are trying to build the impression of having lots of pals but it doesnt always seem to be genuine.

Personally I am happy with just having my DH and family for company and don't miss companionship from anyone else. I'm not in touch with anyone from school or uni, I leave stuff in the past and focus on my present life. Not lonely at weekends as family life takes up all my time.

I have one friend who I have not seen for 2 years, we text every few weeks or so and I know she would be there if I needed her. I have two adult dc a partner that I do not live with and zero other friends. I work with some lovely people that have asked me to out with them many times but the truth is I simply CBA. I do not feel the need for friends or desire them. I think it stems from childhood where nobody wanted to be my friend at school. I am perfectly happy as I am.

I have people I know and chat too. One or two maybe even from primary. School. I have none that I go and meet up with.

Not a big let’s go out on the town type nor the mega mind business type from rich parents 😅

@Enigma52 💐 I'm sorry to hear that I hope treatment is kind to you

Friend is a very elastic word and people have vastly different ideas of what it means.
It covers everything from slightly closer work colleagues, to people who are like family.
There’s also the difficult-to-verbalise concept of finding friends you want to be friends with.
The ‘making friends is easy’ idea sounds true - as long as you aren’t particularly fussy about who you’re friends with…but then how dare a friendless person think they can pick and choose! Rude! No wonder you have no friends etc
The single thing I’ve noticed is that people who have moved multiple times at key points in their lives are significantly less likely to have formed deep and lasting friendships.