Does anyone else not really have any friends?

[Hernamewaslola22]

Wondering if it's just me. I have friends at work and 1 or 2 out of work...we very very rarely do anything together. I spend most weekends completely alone. I feel like most women have these big groups of girlfriends.

Thankyou 😊
It's fine now, I'm not too bothered. She wouldn't be much support anyway tbh.

Treatment is ticking along nicely for now.

I think if you work full time and also have children to look after, there is very little time left for friends. I have three close friends, plus work colleagues.

It's worse if you commute into London because it's difficult to see work friends out of hours, you could like 100+ miles from each other. I'm changing job to work more locally which hopefully will leave more time for socialising.

I have no friends whatsoever. Probably because I'm socially anxious.

I'd like there to be a word for someone who is more than an acquaintance but not quite a real friend as that applies to quite a few people in my life. I don't think I'd be calling them in a crisis.

This is me! Are you my twin 😂

No friends now, had many over the years. I’m happily married and it’s enough.

No children, siblings and parents both long gone means quite an insular existence. Can’t say I miss the inevitable drama that female friendships can bring. I prefer male company.

I have always felt that the word "friend" is used very, very loosely. Most people friends are honestly barely more than regular acquaintances. A real friend is a rare find, indeed. I had a few fairly decent in my earlier years, but due to moving, and a pre-internet/pre-moblie phone world, we lost touch.

I currently have no real friends, aside from my husband, who is the best friend I've ever had, and I am 100% ok with it. I get along with my colleagues very well, can talk to anyone, but no friends. I think I'm very fortunate so I have no complaints.

Hiya, my long lost twin Winky! 😉

Second that, life isn't SATC. Maybe women who are still living where they grew up, went to school etc have these 'friendship groups' but harder for women that left home.

Assuming you are single, I can see how at a certain age friends can drop off, people that couple up and have kids then to keep to themselves and not be as available anymore.

Girlfriend-wise I have swapped my marriage-and-kids friends that have very limited availability to friends I've met later in life that are more aligned to me in terms of lifestyle. A few girls from work that we click with and make plans with, a few I've met through activities and have similar values etc.

Honestly though my best friends are all men. Similarly, unless they couple up and get banned from socialising, I spend a lot of my free time with my male friends and it's really nice. I can be a bit intense in terms of wanting to have deeper conversations beyond everyday chit-chat and sometimes just have someone to properly open up to, and find that men have much more tolerance to that type of thing. Or maybe that's just what I'm used to.

it seems your problem needs more immediate solutions though. Do you know any people that you like and feel you'd get on with? Have you tried asking them to spend time together, maybe start with a coffee? Anyone in your family who could be a friend? Anyone who you used to be friends with and who you might want to rekindle the friendship with? Do you do any activities where you could meet friends, e.g. clubs? I've met two girls at my swim club this summer and we spend most Saturday mornings together now.

I have only 1 friend who I see often and that’s it. I work nights and we all just work together as a team and that’s it. My other friends are my children

Thank you for creating this thread OP, it has been really good to read all replies. Sounds like there are enough of us around here to start our own friendship group? 😉
I am also friend-less, a combination of moving around a lot, struggling with life, niche interests and.... maybe not being sufficiently liked. I'm not really sure. I have had friends but lost touch and there were never that many to begin with. Now all I got is acquaintances really. Sad. I would say I'm quite friendly and generally nice/helpful/etc but just dont seem good at making friends. Perfectly happy in my own and my family's company but does feel a bit lonely sometimes and also embarrassing (though I dont go out of my way to volunteer this info irl).

I don't have many friends. I have two very good ones. There's a few people I can socialise with at work and neighbours to talk to. I have friends I meet up with for a hobby and school friends I can go and see if I want to travel.

If I were to invite them all to a party it would look like I have lots of friends but here I am again spending the weekend on my own

I had a group of 5 very close friends - known since primary.

Sadly, as my marriage was falling apart I self medicated with alcohol. I now know I was suffering with generalised anxiety on top of social anxiety and stress from a very difficult divorce (hidden assets, refusal to pay school fees, nasty accusations etc). On a few occasions (when ex had kids) I would turn up to events already merry as I was so anxious and just made a fool of myself. This group of friends sort of shunned me. I get it. But haven’t rebuilt bridges and keep most people at arms length.

Can you elaborate what made her so insufferable?

It depends on how people define friendship as well... For me, actual friendship is having proper deep conversations, being able to rely on one another in emergencies, being vulnerable with each other... a bit like having a partner really.

Whereas the 'friend' umbrella also covers the type of relationships this woman had.

In some other languages you have a clear distinction between a close friends, with the rest being classed as acquintances without it sounding rude/ cold, whereas in English and Spanish everyone is a 'friend'!

This made me think @askingforfriendz . I’ve seen three neighbours this week. Two for cups of tea (separately) and one for a chat for 20 mins. They’d be an eclectic group if I invited them all round. I don’t consider any of them friends.😬

Can’t say I miss the inevitable drama that female friendships can bring.

What is "inevitable" about 'drama' ?

Not something I experience.

I don't think people have big groups of girlfriends once they are older.

I volunteer so there is a social aspect to this. I also work so there is that. I'm involved with a hobby group so I see those people twice a week. I have a very superficial relationship with these people mainly. The social aspect is linked to the activity.

I have a smaller number of older friends who I meet for walks, dinner, coffee. I have about 3 friends who I could call on to help me dig a hole at 3am! Proper friends and I count myself lucky on that.

In my teens and 20's I would have had three different friend groups consisting of many close friends. I spent most of my time with friends then, living a very different life, I don't think it is typical to still have this once everyone has families ect.

I’ve had a lot of friends in the past, but that changed with a special needs child and then becoming divorced. Married friends distanced themselves as they “don’t know what to say” and of course the holidays we went on together aren’t possible with a single upsetting the dynamic.
I am studying now and the special needs child has done well and is about to leave school with a good chance of getting a job. I started a lot of new hobbies and have kept up contact with family members and have become really close to a cousin I previously didn’t have much to do with. So it’s not all bad. These forums are a godsend for those of us who due to circumstances don’t have a big group of friends.

I have no friends. I have some
acquaintances i see a few times a year in a group but no friends i can call a friend or anyone i can rely on sadly. It is lonely at times but i have my husband and kids so not totally alone

I have my DH and my grown up children(who I try not to over burden) and my dear dog. I don't understand people much . I have had friends in the past and looking bad,they were very disrespectful and not very nice to me. Yes I am awaiting an autism assessment. Have an older child who is ND, so maybe there is something in that but never every tried to be nasty or unkind to people but I think folk think I am a bit odd. So no , Op, we don't all have loads of woman pals. I always felt like the odd one out in those kinda gangs anyway. Take care x

Good for you. I'm so glad you and your DC are doing well. What are you studying? ( out of interest) I'm looking to take on some study too, but not sure what!

Well, this exact thread appears once a week or more, and inevitably attracts large numbers of people saying they are entirely friendless, so you’re far from alone, clearly. Mn seems to get a lot of people who don’t do friendship.

Yes. I suffer social anxiety too.
It limits my life and I can't do a lot of things because I find people and social situations really intimidating.

I'm the person who doesn't really 'fit' and am often excluded. Also I don't ever seem to work with people similar to myself. Pretty sure I'm ASD, like my DS.

I did have two local close-ish friends up until earlier this year. Both moved away within a month of each other & despite assurances they'd keep in touch, they really don't.

So I'm pretty lonely now. Tbh I could make a few friends if I pushed myself, but a lifetime of being 'different' and working hard to pretend to fit in isn't enjoyable. I also don't have time around DC & caring for elder parents. It's a bit glum when I'd love to chat to someone, or we realise we don't have anyone to ask for help.

"Don't do friendship" implies it's a life style choice.

For many people it's circumstances, mental health issues , social anxiety etc. So not their choice at all.

Just because a person doesn't have friends doesn't mean to say they aren't interesting people. It doesn't mean they don't have insight. It doesn't mean they have nothing to contribute. And MN gives them a voice. it allows people to interact in a way they can't in real life.