Does anyone else not really have any friends?

[Hernamewaslola22]

Wondering if it's just me. I have friends at work and 1 or 2 out of work...we very very rarely do anything together. I spend most weekends completely alone. I feel like most women have these big groups of girlfriends.

Horribly insensitive post. People who suffer with poor mental health for one. They're trying to get through life as best they can, when even bathing or brushing teeth can feel impossible to complete. It's never through " carelessness " or not being arsed. Surprisingly, friends fall by the wayside when due to anxiety you can't just easily pick up the phone for a casual chat, or agoraphobia means you physically can't leave the house to grab a coffee.

Exploited by who?

We don't talk to anyone 😁

All my grown up children have loads and loads of friends and are sympathetic about my three friends. I wish I had more friends but I'm an introvert and really struggle with new relationships. It's a self fulfilling prophecy though. I'm out of practice at making friends because it makes me anxious so it's easier not to make an effort so I never get any better.

im interested in how you can have no friends! You probably have more than you think! I moved about 8 years ago around 500 miles. I still visit the place I moved from a couple of times a year and keep in touch with friends so I have my school, uni, and work friends from there. Here I have friends I met at work, school mum friends, mum friends from when DD was born, DH’s friend group etc. I’m a natural introvert so most friends are initiated by others.

Do you like having no friends? Are you happy with your life? I'm genuinely interested to know.

I have 1 good friend and our personality's are totally different, they live really far away, they're a guy and more of a big brother to me as I've known them since being a teenager and they were friends with my older friends of the time. They're now probably better friends with my partner than myself.

I feel like the most unlikeable person in the world sometimes but I've had so much happen in my life it's too much to fully open up and disclose to someone in real life. I have nothing in common with the people who live near me and people I want to get to know have friends already and don't have time for me.

I get that feeling too - and sometimes wonder if I am missing out - but remember from my late teens being part of a v close group (sex and the city friendship group level) and finding it stifling with my friends getting together to talk about and modify each-others behaviour when it didn't fit with how they saw the group.
I eventually started to pull away so I could be myself more, but got constant pressure from my previously best friends talking to people around me and asking them to press me to go back to how things were, so I cut off contact in my early 30s.
I'm now in my mid 40s and sometimes strike up new friendships with but rarely keep them going as I don't want to be stuck again.
TLDR - those big friendship groups aren't always all they are made out to be.

Medically retired from work with live at home uni aged children and no partner. I was quite ill the year or leading to COVID lockdowns and my social life never really gained any momentum after.

Had a great social before that groups of friends from school, work and "mummy" friends. Life changes I can't keep up now don't have the energy or funds really, sometimes I miss it but I'm learning to enjoy my own company.

When we are old and frail and alone

I don’t have any because I don’t make an effort to have any. I don’t really want any. I work in a public facing role and spend all day being nice to people. Tbh I’m all peopled out by the time I get home.

Same here. It doesn't really get easier does it?

but the question wasn't about close friends? Just any friends at all.
And the poster I replied to seemed to be suggesting friendship groups were a myth invented by TV.

People's definitions of what a 'close' friend is vary but I think it's fairly normal for people not to expect to have hundreds of very close, know everything about you, go on holiday together, trust you with their life, see you every week, can't live without you friendships. Who would have the time?

But I don't understand why the threshold has to be so high. Just because I wouldn't trust someone to bury a body for me at 3am and don't know all their deepest darkest secrets doesn't mean they don't add value to my life.

If you like those 100 people and spend time with them (doesn't matter how often) on a social basis (i.e. not work, any time of voluntary interaction) then what's wrong with calling them friends?

Exactly, most of my oldest and closest friends don’t live near me some not even in the country but I’m still very close to some of them. Far closer than the ones I see more regularly due to proximity. Even when I did live in the city with most of my friends I still didn’t see some a lot as I do freelance work a lot of weekends and they have kids etc. but they are definitely not just acquaintances.

That can happen to anyone. With any circumstances.

You could be the last one alive out of all your friends and/or family, your dc could just not bother with you, your DH will probably die before you do. Many people end up alone in old age.

I actually think that maybe someone not used to being alone, who perhaps relied on others but finds themselves with noone, would be more vulnerable as they are yearning for that connection still.

Us old jaded harpies, who hate being used and tired of everyone's shit long ago, will be just fine.

I don't have friends, but I'm quite happy with that.

I'm friendly with work colleagues, but don't see them outside work and know that their friendship is purely circumstantial. If they or I were to leave, we wouldn't keep in contact.

I socialise with the wives and partners of my husbands friends but they aren't my friends. If we separated, I'd never see any of them again. Same goes for his family - we get on well, and I'm friendly with his sisters, but if things went south we wouldnt keep in touch.

I don't use facebook which feels like the biggest barrier to keeping in touch with old schools friends. Plus I moved away from the area I grew up in, so never bump in to anyone I know.

I have friendly conversations with a couple of the mums I see at school pick up, and my son's best friend's mum is quite nice, but we aren't friends.

The only people I actively socialise with are my family; parents and sister. And they live far away, so it's mostly via our whatsapp group.

I'm aware I'm very introverted. I used to feel sad that I didn't have a group of friends, but I don't anymore. My capacity for social interaction can just about cope keeping up with family and the various acquaintances I see day to day. I doubt I'd make a very good friend. I just like my own company.

I have a couple of friends, we meet up once or twice a year and speak to online sometimes. I find managing relationships difficult. I used to think I was missing out but now I’m perfectly happy.

I'm late 40s, I have two friends I'd class as proper friends.
I haven't seen either for several years but we just slot straight back if that makes sense 😁
Another one I met on the school run - when my eldest started primary, started meeting up for Spoons breakfasts. 😁
; Tried doing the whole group friendship stuff at around the same time, quickly learnt not for me.
Could not be arsed with the cliquey'ness and bitchiness.

Yes and no. I have large groups of friends linked through different activities and places I’ve lived (my job means I move every few years). There’s not a lot of overlap between these groups. And since I move and travel for work - my friendship group is really geographically spread out

my most recent move hasn’t led to friendships that have gone beyond the activities we do together. I’m not sure staying in this town is a good idea even though I’ve finally got a chance at some stability - but a couple years in and I’m still really isolated and no clue how to fix it (what’s worked for me in the past had failed here).

It’s not like I don’t do anything - I’m in multiple clubs/groups with regular activities I do every week. I enjoy them and have friendly acquaintances. But if I stopped turning up I suspect overwhelmingly they might just kind of notice Ruby’s not been coming lately - but that’d be the end of it.

I’m terms of most people. I think (and it’s purely my thoughts here) friendly acquaintances and situational friends are common. I think having a couple much closer friends is more common than a large group of close friends. I think language influences how we perceive other people’s friendship groups (do people say this person I chat to every week at the dog park … or do they just say “my friend” when telling a story). Some people include a broad group of people as who they see as friends, others are far more restrictive in the title.

I do know (because there’s been research on this) that lonlieness is a huge problem, and feeling lonely and isolated is not uncommon but sucks. People can feel lonely when surrounded by people. People can also be genuinely isolated.

I used to have a group of school friends. To be honest I’m quite introverted and struggled with the drama. I ended up being badly bullied by one of the other girls and cut ties with the whole group to avoid her. I was so lonely. My best friend was my dog (still is!). I found it hard to trust anyone over the next few years. So I know what you mean about the weekends!! I joined some hobbies to fill my time and slowly made a couple of lovely individual friends on my wave length. I much prefer these friendships and find them much more meaningful than the previous superficial group. You don’t need a large group op if that’s not for you. Adult friendships can take more effort so honestly one or two can be easier to manage. I set myself a target to see each friend once a month as sometimes life can get busy with other responsibilities so find it best to try and plan ahead.

🤦‍♀️ You may have lots of friends but you lack any kind of empathy! Be careful...this may affect those friendships in the future! 🙄

I don't. I have a now adult severely disabled daughter living at home . Any friends i may have made over the years when other kids were at school have disappeared as I don’t have time or the mental energy to be a good friend back . I am a bit lonely, but am quite a reserved person anyway so it’s not too bad I suppose.

I know lots of people and they would call themselves my friends. But I could call only one of them, plus one family member, when the black dog visits. So it depends how you define friends.

I made a lot of friends at work but over time realised we had little in common, other than choosing the same career. Whenever we met outside of work, talk would always inevitably turn to work and I got fed up with it. I don’t want to think about work outside of it. I’d try to bring in 101 different topics but got nowhere! Then covid hit and I just let them all drift.

I’ve also moved around a lot so friends I had in the past have drifted. I used to travel to see them but they were never willing to make the effort to come and see me so I stopped bothering.

Now the only people I really speak to are my sister and my 2 adult DC. It mostly feels like enough. I feel like my life is quite busy and I’m not sure I have the time or energy to maintain friendships on top of that. It’s also why I’m single. So I guess if I had the time/motivation to seek another human connection, I’d be more likely to look for someone to date rather than just be friends with.

I entirely see why Mn gives them a voice. Yes, I should have said ‘don’t or can’t do friendship’. And yes, it can absolutely be circumstantial.

@StoneTheCrone

I think Uni and high school are the best times to make friends though. Miss that and you're screwed.

This is alarmist nonsense and irresponsible to post on a thread where people are clearly distressed about it.

If I think of my closest friends the majority were not made at high school or university, they were made as an adult.

Just because you find it unusually difficult doesn’t give you the right to scare the wits out of others.

@StoneTheCrone do you not Hugh people can make friends through hobbies or social events? Not everyone goes to uni and for many, school is not always a positive experience.