Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

[Alaskabound]

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

Would you honestly feel no different? My cleaner sees tampons every time she goes in the bathroom, and I probably have knickers on the floor half the time. But I wish I was as relaxed as you are about a vibrator. To me it’s way more embarrassing although clearly it’s not that unusual to own one.

These are the things I ponder as I sit here in departures. Duty Free was quiet, I must say. Oh hang on, they’re calling us to board.

I'm a cleaner and I've seen every type of dildo, vibrator, sex toy and costume in people's homes. I just work around them and pretend they're not there. The only ones that made me pause were a carrot wrapped in cling film under the pillow, and a giant pink dildo that had the word 'penetration' written up the side of it in sharpie.

My embarrassing moment was when my cousin was trying to catch a huge spider that had run on top of a kitchen cupboard. He knocked over a box and my Traceys Dog vibrator fell out and bonked him on the head.

@Alaskabound I totally feel your pain and I can sympathise as my big cousin who is like a big brother to me found my toy drawer when he went to get a charger cable for ds's PS5 controller. Much hilarity ensured and it still gets brought up randomly 😂😂 he's lucky I like him hahaha

@Alaskabound yes. Vibrators are everywhere now and surely all women like to orgasm?

I used to have a part time job as an estate agent when at uni. It was astonishing how often sex toys were left out in plain sight when conducting viewings. I remember conducting a viewing on this beautiful Georgian five bedroom town house once. The place was impeccably decorated, all the original features, lovely garden, something you would expect to feature in some glossy magazine. The potential buyers were falling in love with the place as they were blown away with every room. If was just a shame that the proverbial mood music was punctured when they saw the huge suction cup dildo stuck to the tiled bathroom wall. It was just nonchalantly hanging there like a baby elephant had poked it's trunk through a hole in the wall.

My embarrassing moment was when my cousin was trying to catch a huge spider that had run on top of a kitchen cupboard. He knocked over a box and my Traceys Dog vibrator fell out and bonked him on the head.

Is not said that when someone invents a vibrator that can get rid of spiders then men will be obsolete?

I guess you’re right. It’s just an irrational sense of embarrassment. Just reading the replies here, some are as mortified as I am, and others are very blasé.
Thinking logically, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. But in reality there’s still only a couple of people in my real life I’d ever be comfortable discussing this kind of stuff with.

We’ve had some child wheelbarrow handles knocking about our house for years - red rubber things too tight to get on the damn wheelbarrow so we just never used them. I’m now wondering how many visitors (including our cleaner who is also a school run mum) have assumed they’re something else 😳

No, my dear; if the poster were male it would be wanking; OP was simply discussing self-pleasuring. Which is a high and noble and very necessary calling.

Omg this made me laugh so much ! just imagining this is hilarious 🤣😂

We got burgled and the burglar found mine, switched it in and left it on the bed! (Daytime burglary whilst I was out for about an hour) that pissed me off more than everything he nicked! Caught him on CCTV, he went to prison so I had the last laugh!

🤣🤣🤣

Me too. It harks back to the very early days of the internet as we know it now. Very old 'meme.' Bit like what the OP says has happened to her. Tale as old as time.

Not sure it's 'the best thread ever' as several posters have said, or side-splittingly hilarious either.

😱 that has got to be the best, and worst, story I’ve heard in a while! You did well to survive that, I would’ve absolutely died from embarrassment 🫣 Thanks for the giggle tho!

I've never had a sex toy discovered by anyone but when I worked for a charity shop I had a bizarre phone call from a lady who had donated goods that week, she told me she thinks she's accidentally donated a vibrator in a handbag and could she have it back if we found it please. I did enjoy letting the volunteers know to be on the look out.

😂😂🤣😂🤣😂 howling op 

From a cleaner....
We don't care! We will say nothing about it and we have seen it all before =) she won't even give it a second thought! Your not the wierdest customer 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ask here if she would like to borrow it.
Don't be ashaimed

It definitely happened to my mate.
perhaps he started it.
or maybe lots of teenage boys get caught out…

was it one like this? Because they’re dog toys…apparently

https://amzn.eu/d/3CQAZ88

I had been threatening my 20yr old daughter for months that if she didn't clean her hovel of a bedroom then I would as it was starting to smell. Followed through on my threat and found one of my lovely Emma Bridgewater cake tins under the bed. I was absolutely fuming that not only had she taken my tin (that I'd been looking for) but that she'd left food under her bed for goodness knows how long. Lifted the lid to check for mouldy crumbs to find an impressive collection of vibrators! Needless to say, I did not return the tin to the kitchen 😆😆

I have an off grid guest house out in the sticks of Portugal, don’t normally let strangers stay there but this truly sounds like a desperate situation so you are welcome to it.

Love this thread! 🫨🫨 I went to Tanzania to work in an orphanage for a few weeks, so took a suitcase of Cotten nappies that they could no longer buy there. Stopped by customs on way in and of course hidden in the nappies, to protect it, was my vibrator. I brazened it out but the customs guy looked a bit sheepish. 😂

Omg that’s so funny especially knowing you were coming to clean!

That’s nothing. When my husband and I moved house we found two of the movers wondering what was in one of the boxes because of what was written on it. Unbeknownst to us, our friend who helped us pack our stuff before we moved had written on one of the boxes in big black capital letters “bedroom - kinky shit” and drawn two big willies on it. I wanted to die on the spot while she was behind them laughing hysterically