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Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

260 replies

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:53

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

OP posts:
Jacopo · 23/08/2024 19:15

Even further away than Alaska is Rabbit Island, in Tasman Bay, New Zealand. Population is currently zero, so you should be safe enough.

Overtheatlantic · 23/08/2024 19:19

Take the shame and leave a tip. Also 😂😂

tribalmango · 23/08/2024 19:21

And for whoever asked - I feel far too embarrassed to use it with the DCs in the house. Even when they’re asleep, when the motor sounds like I’m driving a speedboat.

You need an upgrade!

Jewnicorn · 23/08/2024 19:22

My little boy (now 12) had a LOT of needles when he was young and I bought him this thing called a ‘shot buddy’ which is this small vibrating thing that you place just above where the needle is going in to disrupt the pain signals going to the brain or something. No idea, it works though.
Anyway, sat with my (very prude, very religious) now ex in laws many years ago when my eldest marches in and asks what the buzzy thing in my drawer was. No amount of frantic explanation made them believe me.
Less innocently, my dad was helping us move house about eleven years ago and he picked up a box that was literally ALL toys only for the bottom to fall out and scatter them at the feet of him and my new next door neighbour. He looked my husband dead in the face and just said ‘so many?!’ And it was at that moment I was glad I’d moved countries and he’d be heading back home shortly 😂

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 19:24

EI12 · 23/08/2024 19:14

I thought the tone could not sink any lower - but posting about wanking? Seriously?

I’m so sorry for lowering the tone to such foul and debauched levels.

But actually, whilst I’m at it, you should know that I had sex before I was married, have had sex with (shock) more than one man, sometimes (horror) do it for purposes other than reproduction and (the sheer awfulness of it) when a man isn’t around I sometimes enjoy myself alone!

I’m so sorry and I hope you can forgive me.

OP posts:
largeeyes · 23/08/2024 19:26

Brazen it out- stand it upright next time and stick a photo of your favourite celeb's face on it

Jom222 · 23/08/2024 19:39

I have a virtual friend from alaska who says that people who think they can outrun something by moving to rural alaska are wrong, that the locals will find out every bit of a newcomers history.

so before you pack up and move, change your identity or the shame will follow you there. Also I'm told its cold and dark all winter.

infor · 23/08/2024 19:39

cocoloco23 · 23/08/2024 18:48

I’m pretty sure I read a novel once about someone who nominated a friend to go through their ‘stuff’ before their family.

This site calls those people “eradicators” which made me laugh for some reason: gizmodo.com/who-will-dispose-of-your-porn-and-sex-toys-after-you-di-1496542636

At a social gathering, a recently bereaved woman (non-British) asked the assembled company for advice on how to recycle the toys that they'd used as a couple.
We all feigned complete incomprehension - I think she left with the distinct impression that no British woman ever uses toys.

Combattingthemoaners · 23/08/2024 19:39

😂 brilliant. What about Yemen?

Duckduckgoose24 · 23/08/2024 19:48

Combattingthemoaners · 23/08/2024 19:39

😂 brilliant. What about Yemen?

A Yeman? Where can you buy one of these? Lovehoney is it?

TheBerry · 23/08/2024 19:54

Catza · 23/08/2024 15:59

An adult woman masturbates. Big whoop…
My partner is a builder, we have two of his friends staying with us who come to help out on bigger projects couple of times a year. They were doing some work for someone we know and one day I came home to excited voices telling my partner they accidentally opened a drawer when moving a bedside table and found a collection of personal items. At which point, I had to take them around the bathroom they have been using for two months to point at butt plug and a vibrator on a bathroom shelf and ask them whether they ever noticed or reflected on these objects. They never spoke about it again. They were horrified to even bring it up in front of me. Adult men… mind boggles.
I am sure your sensible female cleaner won’t think twice about it.

ETA: I am selling my flat in Spain. Might you be interested?

Edited

Why tf do you just have a butt plug sitting there on the bathroom shelf I can’t 😭😭😭

PifandHercule · 23/08/2024 19:59

😂😂

Missmarymack2 · 23/08/2024 19:59

MiddleAgedDread · 23/08/2024 15:56

I checked Skyscanner and the cheapest seems to Lufthansa / LHR to Anchorage via Frankfurt, departing 08:30 tomorrow morning. Do you need a hotel overnight at LHR??

😂

dannyufcfan · 23/08/2024 20:03

On the plus side, she might have cleaned it for you. So, it'll be ready to go.

mossybranches · 23/08/2024 20:03

mumsnetters love some cleaner-porn.
shove it in the title, watch thread run for 4 weeks then reach the daily rags, double back again, segue into the public school pob swamp then all the way back around again to ....cleaners.
GOAL!

Personally I would like to know why Henry's in holiday lets are so popular and often smell of dog sick.

TeacheeTeacherson · 23/08/2024 20:06

Anyone else getting ads now for dildoesque salt and pepper mills?!

Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate
Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:18

Is anyone else getting ads for large knobbly candle holders and salt and pepper mills on this thread?

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:18

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:18

Is anyone else getting ads for large knobbly candle holders and salt and pepper mills on this thread?

Oh we crossed in posting. Yes!!!

TeacheeTeacherson · 23/08/2024 20:19

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:18

Oh we crossed in posting. Yes!!!

Lol!

Newsenmum · 23/08/2024 20:22

Are you sure she didn’t think it was the handlebar of a scooter?

motherland fan

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:24

TeacheeTeacherson · 23/08/2024 20:19

Lol!

With the implication being that people who read threads about sex toys would even enjoy grinding pepper with a phallic thingy…

TheMarzipanDildo · 23/08/2024 20:25

EI12 · 23/08/2024 19:14

I thought the tone could not sink any lower - but posting about wanking? Seriously?

Mary Whitehouse has entered the building.

Onanism is a perfectly reasonable topic of conversation.

itsgettingweird · 23/08/2024 20:25

Simonjt · 23/08/2024 16:04

Ah could be worse, ours recently asked where we bought our squirter pump for cleaning in awkward places and flushig out the overflow on the sink. It’s a douche, shes been cleaning our bathroom with something that goes up my actual arse.

😂😂😂😂😂

TheMarzipanDildo · 23/08/2024 20:26

TeacheeTeacherson · 23/08/2024 20:06

Anyone else getting ads now for dildoesque salt and pepper mills?!

Yep. And Siemen’s Energy, which sounds a bit wrong.

itsgettingweird · 23/08/2024 20:27

Simonj your posts have had me in hysterics over the years but that one may have just won 😇