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Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

260 replies

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:53

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

OP posts:
GivingitToGod · 23/08/2024 20:35

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 16:00

I’m pleased she moved them! Otherwise I’d have been like ‘Did she actually see it, or did it somehow escape her sight??’ Plus also the kids would’ve come home and I’d have found them waving it around like a bloody light sabre.

Let this go OP, no biggie at all

00BonneMaman00 · 23/08/2024 20:35

Reminds me of the time my cousin got a call from her son's headteacher who said he had brought her vibrator into school and was running round the playground brandishing it at everyone.

Cousin apologised and was obvs mortified. Then the headteacher asked if she wanted it back. "No no! Please just chuck it in the bin thank you!!" She replied.

She didn't do the school pick up for several weeks after that 🫢

BanksysSprayCan · 23/08/2024 20:37

I am getting ads for Pendennis Castle 🤣🤣🤣

An anagram of Penis Ascent

ilikemethewayiam · 23/08/2024 20:38

Omg, this reminds me of a friend who decided to make some money selling vibrators (many years ago), just plain cream coloured ones with no additions. She came home from work to find her 6 year old had found a box under her bed and handed them out to some of the kids on the street and told them they were space shuttles! 😳

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 23/08/2024 20:42

Have a word with Elon, maybe he can move SpaceX back a bit for you...

In all seriousness, the cleaner probably just had a bit of a giggle and felt sorry for you - she'll know you'd be mortified!

itsgettingweird · 23/08/2024 20:42

BanksysSprayCan · 23/08/2024 20:37

I am getting ads for Pendennis Castle 🤣🤣🤣

An anagram of Penis Ascent

I'm getting them for jet2 🤔

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 20:45

TheMarzipanDildo · 23/08/2024 20:26

Yep. And Siemen’s Energy, which sounds a bit wrong.

Ive now got Pedigree tasty dog treats and am not going to look for a link.

Fetchthevet · 23/08/2024 20:52

This thread reminds me of my naive but lovely auntie who had never married. She accidentally bought 2 vibrators at a car boot sale (yes, second hand ones - yuck) For some reason she thought they were those fake candles and put them on her mantlepiece, either side of a clock😬I had to tell her what they really were, luckily she just laughed and wasn't too embarrassed.

infor · 23/08/2024 20:59

TheMarzipanDildo · 23/08/2024 20:25

Mary Whitehouse has entered the building.

Onanism is a perfectly reasonable topic of conversation.

You come across as rather self-satisfied.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/08/2024 21:10

AInightingale · 23/08/2024 16:54

You do all realise that if you go out and get hit by the number 47 bus, your next of kin will find these items anyway when they're going through your personal effects. (Except you'll be dead anyway and it won't matter so much.)

Ah

My friend and I have said that if one of us die that we will go round and empty their bottom drawer before parents see

madmumofteens · 23/08/2024 21:14

My DD came into my room once I was having a bit of me time couldn't switch the damn thing off ffs she asked why the bed was vibrating had to pretend I was using my trusty slender tone belt 😂

Combattingthemoaners · 23/08/2024 21:27

madmumofteens · 23/08/2024 21:14

My DD came into my room once I was having a bit of me time couldn't switch the damn thing off ffs she asked why the bed was vibrating had to pretend I was using my trusty slender tone belt 😂

You do know she will recall this memory as an adult who is no longer pacified by slender tone belts 😂

IttyBittyTittyCommittee · 23/08/2024 21:30

AmiablePedant · 23/08/2024 16:22

Please, mods, this has to go in Mumsnet Classics. And possibly win the prize for the most quickly nominated thread!

Edited

Oh hell YES!! ✔️

78Summer · 23/08/2024 21:31

She probably has one as well.

katseyes7 · 23/08/2024 21:38

*Alaskabound *
I think we might have been separated at birth. 😄

tygertygers · 23/08/2024 21:43

Twoshoesnewshoes · 23/08/2024 16:44

Argentina? Or a really really long worldwide cruise?
my male friend, when we were late teens, was having some me time, headphones on, in his bedroom at home.
when opened his eyes when all done, his mum had left him a cup of tea on the bedside table 😂😳

This is an urban legend!

www.snopes.com/fact-check/a-tea-bird-in-the-hand/

katseyes7 · 23/08/2024 21:44

*Fetchthevet *Someone l worked with many years ago told me that when he and his wife were invited to their elderly neighbour's house for coffee there was a vibrator on the coffee table. Quite a big one, apparently.
After a lot of stifled giggles and side eyes, his wife asked (very diplomatically and in a roundabout fashion, so l was told) about it. The lady announced that she'd seen it in a local shop that sells 'every type of crap you can imagine' and it was for her stiff neck.
And she meant it. I don't know how they managed to keep straight faces, but they found out later that she'd told her daughter the same thing, and even demonstrated how she used it. On her neck.

IncessantNameChanger · 23/08/2024 21:45

olderbutwiser · 23/08/2024 16:03

Brazen it out - ask the cleaner whether she used anything on it when she was cleaning, as you've noticed a pleasing difference in the tingle since last time.

Or put it somewhere different for her to find every time she comes. By the bath, behind the sofa cushions, next to your computer keyboard etc.

Do this!

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 21:47

BanksysSprayCan · 23/08/2024 20:37

I am getting ads for Pendennis Castle 🤣🤣🤣

An anagram of Penis Ascent

Pendennis!🤣 Must have been a programmer with a stutter!

Rincewindswind · 23/08/2024 21:49

I would add a few more rabbits before her next visit. Different sizes and colours 🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇

RainbowZebraWarrior · 23/08/2024 21:49

tygertygers · 23/08/2024 21:43

Yes, I've heard this story many times over the last decade.

feelingalittlehorse · 23/08/2024 21:50

In a similar low point, one of my labs likes to bring people “gifts”- that’s his party trick. Normally dog toys, the occasional cushion or shoe. He just presents you with it and then sits there wagging.

Had the plumber round, and suddenly heard a voice from the kitchen “er, sorry, but your dog keeps bringing me things”.

Walked in to see plumber staring resolutely at the boiler, two used sanitary towels from the bathroom bin deposited at his feet and a very, very proud Labrador sat there. 🥴🤦‍♀️

LilyJessie · 23/08/2024 21:58

Absolutely no need to be ashamed of that!!
But I am cracking up they put it in the drawer.

Drippycandle · 23/08/2024 22:06

I’m just reading this thread and feel like I’ve gone back to Victorian England or something.
I just wouldn’t really be slightly embarrassed about this tbh 🤷‍♀️
I don’t think it’s anything different to a cleaner seeing a box of tampons or a pair of knickers, just intimate stuff that everyone has and no one really cares about?
Although the midwife who delivered my baby was a mum on my school run too and I didn’t dwell on that much either, I just figure, we’re all grown ups.
Cleaners have really seen everything anyway.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 23/08/2024 22:11

Happened to me the other way round! Cleaning dd(19) room, found a vibrator. Diplomatically put it back where I found it. Put her sheets in the wash. Couple of hours later, DH finds a second vibrator in the washing machine. It was shoved in the bag with no 1, and NEVER mentioned. DH was slightly traumatised, but no other harm done! I'm glad she doesn't know- I'd hate her to move to Alaska!