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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to poke my dh in the eye with a shitty stick because of the stupid 'family name' we've inflicted on our ds

194 replies

peggotty · 17/04/2008 09:46

My dh has a family name that all first born sons have to be called (a load of macho bollocks I know). I knew this before we had any children and we had a massive barney about it before dd was born because I hate this name to the core of my being!! We eventually agreed to the compromise that any ds' would be called this name in an official capacity but we would choose a middle name we both liked and that would be his 'everyday' name iykwim. Ds duly arrived 12 weeks ago and I had another go at persuading dh to make the godawful name his middle one instead but he wouldn't budge. Fair enough, I thought at the time, I did agree to the compromise. Only now I'm starting to realise that people will think I actually wanted to call him this name and already at the docs he has had this name called out in the waiting room. I know I'm being ridiculous in some ways and I suppose most people wouldn't bat an eyelid maybe think 'weird name' and forget about it, but I'm already starting to worry about his first day at school etc if it's called out in class and sticks! I suppose it goes a bit deeper than just the name, I feel a bit aggrieved that I had to 'give in' on something I felt so strongly about, but so did DH. WHY could he not have agreed to it being a middle name instead!!!!

OP posts:
scorpiohasstillnothadbaby · 17/04/2008 09:48

I don't think he should have 'made' you call your child a name you hate so much. Can it have a short nickname?

mustsleep · 17/04/2008 09:48

what is the name?????

if you are really against it surely your dh should be prepared to reconsider. i would never insist on using a name that dh hated

mustsleep · 17/04/2008 09:49

oh and btw yanbu

DANCESwithLordPottingtonSmythe · 17/04/2008 09:49

Hmmm. Difficult one. I don't think I would have agreed to it being the first name but then I'm a madam! Don't worry about school, you can go in and see them and explain he is only referred to by the other name and make sure all the staff know - make sure a note is put in the register too so supply teachers don't call out the family name.

FeverishFish · 17/04/2008 09:49

i woudl neevr name a kdi a name i liked
its a prtnership
i think these names are th eultimate in pretentiousness

SheikYerbouti · 17/04/2008 09:50

Does he have a middle name you can use instead?

My dad's name id Finbar, but he gets called Vincent (his mid name) A friend of mine is Alan Paul and he gets called Paul

misdee · 17/04/2008 09:51

am really curious about the name.

Anna8888 · 17/04/2008 09:51

I think that the very idea of a family name that all first born sons have to be called is appalling.

Are your in-laws aristocrats? Greek?

prettypurpledaisy · 17/04/2008 09:51

What is the name?

seeker · 17/04/2008 09:51

I had the family name thing too - but it was Patrick, which I love, so it was OK. Not sure what I would have done if it had been Abednigo, though!

Go on, tell us what it is!

scorpiohasstillnothadbaby · 17/04/2008 09:51

spill the name!

NotDoingTheHousework · 17/04/2008 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hecate · 17/04/2008 09:52

Go and register the child on your own. Put the hated name as the middle one?

I know what you mean, my father's family have the same - all first born sons must be named elijah. - however they are ALL known as 'bob' despite bob, robert etc not even being one of their names! My dad isn't an elijah because his mother totally refused! (the first time in generations!) He is still known as young bob though. And no, his name's not robert or anything close.

FeverishFish · 17/04/2008 09:52

its increasingly popular anna in gb
even dustmen seems to have this pretnetiousness
ditto naming kdis after dead peopel
very odd

FeverishFish · 17/04/2008 09:52
Cappuccino · 17/04/2008 09:52

I went out with a bloke who had two ridiculous middle names that were family names

it should be the middle name

or nothing

tell him you will get it changed legally he can have the middle name or nothing

what rubbish

your family name is your surname ffs

WombFor1More · 17/04/2008 09:52

Is it really that bad?? Maybe loads of other people like it but because you don't, you think they won't either?

As for 1st days at school etc, explain to teachers (or whoever it is) 1st that he is only known by his 2nd name.

Maybe your ds will love the name though and only want to be called that?

Cappuccino · 17/04/2008 09:53

oh I am rofling all over again at my exes middle names

it has been years since I thought about that

Anna8888 · 17/04/2008 09:54

Really?

My sister's maternal in-laws have this thing that all girls born in the family must have first names beginning with a C.

My sister quite wanted to call her daughter Constance but didn't because she really, really didn't want her to have a first name with a C, just to make her point

peggotty · 17/04/2008 09:54

I knew you would want to know the name - you know I can't, it's bound to offend someone. Although I would be astounded if anyone else had a ds called it. It's a pretty obscure scottish name. The shortened version of it is even worse than the long version! He is called be his normal name all the time by us, friends and family, but I can just see it being a bit of a nightmare in years to come!

OP posts:
SheikYerbouti · 17/04/2008 09:55

But we did like the names. I'd like them even without the family connecetions they have IYSWIM

Anna8888 · 17/04/2008 09:55

OK, it's a Scottish clan thing?

SheikYerbouti · 17/04/2008 09:56

It's not Menzies is it? (Ming for short)

sweetkitty · 17/04/2008 09:56

My cousin is called after his Dad who was called after his Dad so three generations with the same name.

So the grandfather was known as Old Bob (for eg), the father as big Bob and the son as wee Bob (Scotland hence the wee). Now wee Bob is in his 40s and over 6 foot towering above his Dad and he is still known as wee Bob. Fortunately wee Bob has only produced girls.

hecate · 17/04/2008 09:56

please please PLEASE tell us. You have to, or I'll..I'll...I'll...well, I've got nothing tbh, but I really am asking nicely.

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