to want to poke my dh in the eye with a shitty stick because of the stupid 'family name' we've inflicted on our ds

[peggotty]

My dh has a family name that all first born sons have to be called (a load of macho bollocks I know). I knew this before we had any children and we had a massive barney about it before dd was born because I hate this name to the core of my being!! We eventually agreed to the compromise that any ds' would be called this name in an official capacity but we would choose a middle name we both liked and that would be his 'everyday' name iykwim. Ds duly arrived 12 weeks ago and I had another go at persuading dh to make the godawful name his middle one instead but he wouldn't budge. Fair enough, I thought at the time, I did agree to the compromise. Only now I'm starting to realise that people will think I actually wanted to call him this name and already at the docs he has had this name called out in the waiting room. I know I'm being ridiculous in some ways and I suppose most people wouldn't bat an eyelid maybe think 'weird name' and forget about it, but I'm already starting to worry about his first day at school etc if it's called out in class and sticks! I suppose it goes a bit deeper than just the name, I feel a bit aggrieved that I had to 'give in' on something I felt so strongly about, but so did DH. WHY could he not have agreed to it being a middle name instead!!!!

Bubba - ha!!! I hadn't thought of that. I was thinking of the poet. I'm not normally highbrow...

Don't blame you Peggotty. Can you not change the name to be his second name?

I think your dh is being ridiculous inflicting a name you dislike on your child. It's mad for either parent to do this but even worse for the father because the mother is the one who carries the baby and pushes it out of her vagina!

Doesn't really matter whether MNers like the name or not, point is you hate it. And you are his mother. He is not a possession of dh's family.

Did you register him as Hamilton XX XX? I think you can go back and reverse the order if it worries you that much - call up the registrar.

If you can't stand the arguments, I would go with just calling him by his middle name and explaining it every time you have to sign him up at the doctors, school, etc. etc. etc. Lots of people are known by their middle names. Bit of an extra faff but not impossible.

FWIW, ds has his two grandfather's names as middle names - FIL is deceased so even though I don't really like the name, as a third Christian name I was prepared to let it go. Especially as dh decided to go with my surname, not his. I couldn't see why ds had to have my father's name too but dh was insistent and my dad's is OK, although wouldn't be my choice.

Thing is, these are middle names - dh and I chose a first name we both love. I'd have put my foot down if dh wanted either of our fathers' names first!

Talking of poets, am trying to convince DH that Byron is a nice name - any thoughts?

Bryon is fine. You'll get more response if you start a seperate thread asking.

Btw, every first born son in my dad's family was given the middle name 'Farquharson' for generations - I think someone married a Miss Farquharson who inherited money. Fortunately my grandfather was wise enough not to inflict that on my dad and I certainly wouldn't have done that to ds! (Sadly the money has not cascaded down the generations.)

my brother is known by his middle name - always has been, was always intended to be. ditto a close friend of mine. and, as far as I know it's never caused any problems. I think the key thing will be to just drop the first name, forget it exists. relegate it to birth certificate only. including on forms etc. just give him 2 names - the middle/used one and your surname.

I do completely sympathise though - the whole family male first born thing would make me furious. Though I can also see myself, in a moment of weakness, agreeing the compromise you did and regretting it.

Byron is OK but the poet had a bit of an unhappy life and shagged his sister so that would put me off, personally.

You can re-register. If you hate the name, and the impiles you do, then you need to persuade your dh to have it as a middle name.

Good point edam. Don't want him to end up on Jerry Springer! lol

I know at least 4 people that have been called by their middle name from day one. I think occassionally it involves a little explanation when dealing with officials but not in any other capacity. Two of them always signed their name with the initial of the first name that wasn't used then the middle name that was used.

Hmm. I think Hal is lovely - and sounds so close to Ham/Hammy (which I agree are horrible) that you could probably get away with just switching to Hal with no one noticing.

Do you both call him by the agreed middle name? If so, I think you'll be OK - most registration forms now have "name known as" or something like that and you'll just have to be firm at the doctors, school, etc. that he's known as xxxxx.

It's a tricky one though that's not easily resolved as it's not just about the name, but the principle of who got to name your ds1. I'd have gone bonkers and when dp and I were arguing to the point of me being in labour with ds about girl's names, I eventually threw in the 'I'm having it so I'll name it' argument - which I think is the woman's right!

Huge sympathies - I would be baulking at the principle, not just the name.

DP is commonly known by a name which is not even an official name - just don't ever use the Hamilton name, except where it has to agree with birth certificate.

This dynaty thing is deeply opressive and unreasonable, I think. I hope your DH doesn't imagione that this level of patriarchy is going to prevail in any other areas of your life!

Does anyone remember the DH and MIL who wanted to call the baby 'Gerard'?

My MIL asked DH for their 'family' name to be a middle one, but I wouldn't have it. DH changed his name at 18, and I told him if he liked the name he should have given it himself when he changed it rather than inflicting it on our hapless son!

I don't think the name itself is too bad, for me it would be the idea of my baby having the same name as my FIL - too weird IMO!

Message withdrawn

did neolara ever fess up to their family name?

Just introduce him by his middle name - my Mum's generation, all use their middle names. Don't ask me why. She is a Helen and uses another name, her sister is a Celia and nope, never used it either and my Nan was a Beatrice. Writing it down, yep, they are mad but actually, none of them are known by those first names - so it can be done! For what it's worth, I actually like Hamilton .

You see this is all well and good having these traditions but it at some point it has to stop. I am married to a Scot who seemed to think being part of a Clan wasn't enough. They wanted all first born males to be George. Now George isn't a scottish name is it? Anyway DH's eldest bro is G and then his 2nd bro is named after the maternal grandfather (another tradition). However another boy was born into the maternal side at the same time and he is also named after the grandad - therefore there are two J's. Confused yet? To top it all along comes boy 3 (dh) and he's named after no-one in particular. This makes him think they wanted a girl and just gave him any old name. They are working class scots btw not Lairds . Anyway ds was reluctantly given G as his middle name in order for me to get my first choice. My poor old dad wasn't given a mention .

As sure as apples he will be called 'Hammy' if you are in Scotland. Sorry but you ken yersel'.

We are having doubts about our own son's name as we too have given him the family name but 10 months on DH thinks that it does not suit him ie the baby does not LOOK like a 'given name'.

My DH went to school with a Hamilton (in England). He was known as 'hamster'. It's not too late to register it as a middle name.

YANBU

I did exactly the same as you. Called ds a stupid family name that I hated, just to please H.

Biggest mistake of my life!

12 months after ds was born, H (my husband and partner of 14 years btw!) had an affair and walked out on us!!

From that day I have called ds by his much loved middle name, and everyone I know quickly adjusted to calling him by that too.

It has caused countless arguments with H.

But I don't care.

At first I would go to mum and baby groups or meet people and I would always find myself apologising for his name... "oh ne's called xx but that's after his dad and his grandad" etc.
Now I just say his middle name and feel proud and happy.

I am tempted to change it officially. I use his middle name for everything except medical appointments.

I think once I divorce H I probably will do it.

Lesson for me - never compromise when it's something that deep down, makes you very unhappy. Compromise is just that - something that you both are happy with.

Wish I knew that before I agreed to the stupid name in the first place!!

My dad is called Donald Frederick Stuart, but he has been known as Stuart on everything except his passport for 98 years now...

From a local registrar's site:
Changing your child?s name
Changing your child?s forename before their first birthday
Before a child?s first birthday, parents can change his/her forename (first name) free of charge. A fee of £3.50 or £7.00 is payable for a new birth certificate, if required.

The form you need to complete to change their first name will depend on whether your child has been baptised or not. Full details, including the relevant forms, are available from the local register office or The General Register Office website.

Changing a child?s surname or changing a child?s first name after their first birthday
The following restrictions apply if you want to:

change your child?s surname if they are under 18
change your child?s first name if they are aged 1 or over.
The following conditions apply:

if both parents are married to each other you may change the surname of your child if you both agree to the name change
if the parents are divorced, both parents must give their consent to the change
if the child?s birth was registered after 1 December 2003 and the parents have never been married both parents must give their consent to the change
if the child?s birth was registered before 1 December 2003 and the parents have never been married, and if there is no Parental Responsibility order or agreement in place, the mother may change the child?s name
children aged 16 or 17 must sign a consent form.
If there has been a court injunction involving a child?s name change then you should ask the solicitors involved in the injunction to change the child?s name.