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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to poke my dh in the eye with a shitty stick because of the stupid 'family name' we've inflicted on our ds

194 replies

peggotty · 17/04/2008 09:46

My dh has a family name that all first born sons have to be called (a load of macho bollocks I know). I knew this before we had any children and we had a massive barney about it before dd was born because I hate this name to the core of my being!! We eventually agreed to the compromise that any ds' would be called this name in an official capacity but we would choose a middle name we both liked and that would be his 'everyday' name iykwim. Ds duly arrived 12 weeks ago and I had another go at persuading dh to make the godawful name his middle one instead but he wouldn't budge. Fair enough, I thought at the time, I did agree to the compromise. Only now I'm starting to realise that people will think I actually wanted to call him this name and already at the docs he has had this name called out in the waiting room. I know I'm being ridiculous in some ways and I suppose most people wouldn't bat an eyelid maybe think 'weird name' and forget about it, but I'm already starting to worry about his first day at school etc if it's called out in class and sticks! I suppose it goes a bit deeper than just the name, I feel a bit aggrieved that I had to 'give in' on something I felt so strongly about, but so did DH. WHY could he not have agreed to it being a middle name instead!!!!

OP posts:
LambethLil · 17/04/2008 11:32

Don't worry about school- they don't take names for records from official files, but from your application- just put the middle name. I once taught a boy called Viscount; I only knew this as a had to liaise with other agencies and I never mentioned I knew the 'real' name to him or any one else.

Ags · 17/04/2008 11:37

Just wanted to let you know that I worked with a stunningly gorgeous 20 ish year old Hamilton about 10 years ago. Not one person ever made a negative comment about his name. We all liked it and him! He was always known as Hamilton, not a nickname.

Squiffy · 17/04/2008 11:44

On the bright side, if Kerry Katona has any more children then this name will be way off her radar....

FranSanDisco · 17/04/2008 11:52

The only Hamilton I know is the Pig in Maggie and the ferocious beast. He's a nice chap.

TheApprentice · 17/04/2008 11:58

I dont think you need worry about school In schools I have taught in the children are known by whatever name their parents call them, even on the register (even if they had to show birth certificate when registereing you can make it clear that they are known by a different name, and request that is the name that is used on name cards, coat pegs etc).

I had a child in my class named Nicky and always assumed that this was his proper name until one day I had to give out medical letters and then discovered he was actually a Nicholas. I'm not sure if he even knew this himself!

MinkyBorage · 17/04/2008 11:58

yanbu, it doesn't matter if the name is John, Milo or Pegasus, if you don't like it, you shouldn't have have to use it to name your son!!! Change it to the middle name at the register office. Like another poster said, the surname is the family name, having it as a amiddle name is a good compromise.

FeverishFish · 17/04/2008 12:03

they may cal him "hammy" omg

CoteDAzur · 17/04/2008 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kitbit · 17/04/2008 12:53

A girl I went to school with always used her middle name. To avoid people assuming her first was her "usual" name she signed herself as R. Anna Jones (not real name obv!) I suppose I do the same, I'm Kitbit X. Surname , she just put the intitial on the front instead of the middle. Could something like that work for you, could you notate it in this way?

ecoworrier · 17/04/2008 14:04

Thing is, the parents would have to put Hamilton on some official applications, they really do ask for full names, and the names in the right order.

In my experience, the problem is worse at secondary school. 'Real' names all seem to be written in the register, and while tutors and most regular teachers all call children by their requested names, there is always the stubborn teacher or the supply teacher who refuses to use anything but the official name as stated.

I really really would change it officially, you can still do that very easily. Keep it as the middle name and that's only mildly embarrassing when everyone finds out (as they will!).

Iklboo · 17/04/2008 14:07

Get a video of Maggie & the ferocious beast. The obnoxious pig in that is called Hamilton Hocks

justneedsomesleep · 17/04/2008 14:15

Hi,
Just had to add my twopence worth - I was expecting a really outrageous name and then you said it was Hamilton. I think it's fine (although may be biased as it is my maiden name!)
Had thought of using it as a middle name for ds. My brother did get the nick name Hammy at school so I can understand where you are coming from.
BUT change it if you really dislike it and the sooner the better.
BTW, other nicknames and shortened versions are Hal and Milton (which I like).
And remember, although you might not like it, it's not your name and your son might love it!

HTH

grouchyoscar · 17/04/2008 14:20

If we have a 2nd DS, DH wants to call him after a Thunderbird as he reckons he is

As I chose DS's name I say fair enough. Think is I don't want another DC - Happy at 1 me

paros · 17/04/2008 14:44

Hamilton is a fantastic name . very trendy now . I love the name if I had another boy I would seriously consider calling him Hamilton . Heres hoping Lewis Hamilton does great things in his field and you will see loads more boys with Hamilton as a name . It sounds sort of American to me . I love it .

GryffinGirl · 17/04/2008 14:47

there was a swimming commentator on BBC1 called Hamilton Bland (I think).

My dad's name is a truly outrageous Scottish name and another one used for family tradition. He actually likes it, because there is no one else we've ever heard of with it and he's got a big personality to carry it off.

GryffinGirl · 17/04/2008 14:47

p.s. I like Hamilton too

savoycabbage · 17/04/2008 14:59

This sort of happened to me too as my dh chose our second child's name and I don't like it. I hate it when people ask what she is called and always feel the need to say that I didn't pick it. And it's not even that bad, it's just not what I would have wanted. I regret every day agreeing to it.

2point4kids · 17/04/2008 15:14

Change it and dont tell DH
You can do it really easily at the registry office. Then you wont have to worry about him being called it at school or the Drs and if you keep his birth certificate out of sight then DH will never find out

Eddas · 17/04/2008 15:30

my cousin has a family name(on his dad's side) He is called Alan which isn't a bad name but we have never called him that he is Ben. So on everything official he is Alan but was never called that. I don't think it has caused him any problems(he's 22 now) I would imagine when he gest to school or preschool age even, you just make a massive point to the teachers that he uses his middle name, then it will stick. Once ds gets old enough he will learn that sometimes people call him his official name but normally he'll be the other name.

Oh and I would teach him that if he hates the official name that he shouldn't react if people use it. Kids can be cruel and may use it just to get at him. I used to have that with a shortened version of my name which I really hated when I was little

JoJoMaman · 17/04/2008 15:39

I would just like to say (for what it is worth) I am the first born daughter, and I have the same name as my Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, Great-Great-Grandmother... And my mother hated it, because she didn't have any choice in the matter and held a HUGE grudge against using it. For years I followed her lead. Now my eldest dd didn't get the family name, but now, I realise the implications of this. I have something beyond blood that connects me with these wonderful women, and that alone makes my name really cool (even if it does sound weird and old fashioned, and I always have to spell it out... but again, I now feel this adds a little kudos! ...I am digressing!) My point is, that I broke that line, and my dd1 has missed out in sharing this joy, and the sense that she doesn't belong to our 'club' as she feels she ought to(she is really quite cross with me). If I could give her my name now, I would!

So I would say to you that actually, I think you did the right thing in naming your son in this way, and PLEASE don't pass that grudge down to him! It will mess up his self identity for years to come! As a child, I was so ashamed by my name because I knew it upset my Mum to hear it muttered aloud and would mutter it quietly if somebody asked my name - I even started to tell people I was called something else, which lead to a whole lot of trouble!

As the recipient of an old family name I think it is wonderful to have, it distinguishes me, I have great fun with my Grandmother teasing people when one or the other of us is called to, and we giggle about the silliness of such a name - I wouldn't swap it for the world! As for bulling, I got picked on at school far more because I was funny about my name, than because it was old fashioned and unusual. If I was able to develop the name connection with my Grandmother earlier, I wouldn't have given a hoot about anything anyone could have said about it, as I would have seen it as I do now: as a very special name, passed down from my father with love.

HairyToe · 17/04/2008 15:45

Not sure if this has been said before but isn't it quite common in Ireland/Scotland to be called by your middle name? I had an Irish boyfriens once and he and all his brothers had their day-to-day name as their middle name. Think it used to be quite popular in the arisocracy as well.

GentleOtter · 17/04/2008 19:13

We had loads of Donald McDonalds at school and an Archie Maclarty.

kerryk · 17/04/2008 19:22

dh tried this on with me, his family for the last 6 million years had called the 1st son this name and i put my foot down, caused no end of bother but we ended up having 2 girls so it was not as bad as it could have been.

i would have found it difficult to even give it as a second name i disliked it that much, even worse dh wanted to use the inital then j for junior after it so if we had a son dh would have liked his name to be dj. i know loads of people do this dd has a pj, lj and cj at her school but it was not for me.

nametaken · 17/04/2008 19:25

Haven't read all the thread but just wanted to say next time you have a baby sneak down to the registry office on your own and register the birth as you wish, THEN, tell your dh.

AuldAlliance · 18/04/2008 01:45

Haven't read whole thread...
As someone whose surname has been mentioned several times on this thread as dire and likely to lead to teasing, I feel bound to say that slang and usage change with the times. My surname has never been a source of piss-taking, partly because many people didn't know how to pronounce it but also because the pejorative slangy associations it now conjures up were not instantly thought of thirty years ago.
My brother suffered teasing at school not because of that surname, but because of his middle name (also a clan thing, it was handed down over centuries as a mark of respect to a particularly well-loved individual, but became perceived in others' minds as connected solely to a negative figure in Scottish history).
If kids are going to take the piss, they'll twist any name to suit their ends. In my day, many of the more popular names amongst MNers (Martha, Flora, Millie, Scout, etc.) would have been a source of endless amusement and teasing because they were then either outmoded and Victorian or just plain unusual.
There is no way to protect against that kind of thing, since trends are as unpredictable as shifts in language use. The best you can do is find a compromise to suit you and your DH, and fit your DS as best you can to be impervious to any really nasty teasing.