Friend is obsessed with having ADHD

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Over the last year, my friend has become obsessed with the thought of having ADHD. She watches lots of instagram reels and tells me she identifies with them all. I have listened to her and agreed she gets herself on the waiting list for assessment which she has done but she says she’s going to go to private. Fair enough. My issue is, she doesn’t talk about anything else anymore ever. If the conversation isn’t about ADHD, she’ll steer it back. She’ll send me reel after reel saying this is so me constantly. It’s things like she forgets where she’s put her keys or she’s sometimes late or she walks into people. I said oh same for a few of the reels because I also quite often forget where my keys are and she jumped on that and was like omg you also need to be assessed. She’s going around diagnosing everybody if they identify with even one of the things she’s seen like being late. I haven’t even known her to be particularly late, easily distracted or hyper focussing but she must feel like these are issues. She is obsessed. AIBU to not want to meet with her as much? I do sympathise that she wants support for maybe having ADHD but I can’t talk about it all the time and be told I’ve got it too, and my kids and our other friends too and be shown constant reels every time we meet. I feel like a bad friend but she’s driving me mad

OK she might have it. But it really pisses me off as someone diagnosed as a teen and suffering really badly because of it my whole life that people watch tiktok and now all of a sudden if you are a bit clumsy or forgetful or badly organised you deffo have adhd.

Funnily enough, she's exhibiting a huge ADHD trait in doing this. Imagine feeling different all your life, imagine knowing something is there but you don't have the knowledge or words to articulate exactly what it is. And yet it affects every single thing.
It's a HUGE set of feelings when you can contextualise literally every interaction, choice, feeling and life experience you've ever had. And.diagnosis takes so long that she will be fizzing over, learning about it all

If you don't want to support her through it, don't. Let her find a good friend who can help her settle her feelings to a more stable level as she learns more and accepts it, and relaxes a little about it all
It is an all-encompassing realisation though, and I do think she's handling it in a usual ADHD manner!.

However, if it's boring to you, that's a legitimate reason to not bother with her much if you're not that close. Other people's health and constant talking about it can be selfish and boring as fuck, I do agree to an extent.

Also , I don't know why people want to gatekeep autism or ADHD or anything similar... It's a spectrum, we are all different, and unless you're a doctor, you cannot know the effects it has on people's lives. You cannot judge them.

I only manage my life due to years of extreme strategy forming. By manage, I mean live a really quite alternative lifestyle just because it works and I'd burn out and die if not.

But sure, because I don't tell anyone my intimate medical history, then surely tik tok videos diagnosed me, because I can mask a lot of things quite well ... No 🙄

What medication?

You can't access ADHD meds without a prescription, if she's getting them, the kids have a valid diagnosis, or she's buying them illegally, in which case you should report her to the police and social services for child abuse.

I mean I’m not sure how much more supportive I can be. I respond to the constant video reels and memes. I listen to her talk about it in every conversation we have. I just do think my own feelings also need to be considered and I feel like I’m going a bit mad with it all especially when she tries to diagnose me too and my child. However, I haven’t told her this. I do need to speak to her and explain that I can’t keep only talking about adhd but don’t want her to be offended or consider me an unsupportive friend

@housethatbuiltme

great post, thanks.

I have a friend who doesn't have ADHD and constantly sends me Tiktok reels, memes, Insta videos that interest her, and anything that catches her fancy. I said gently that I am involved in a big project at work and am trying to reduce my social media consumption, so I won't be clicking on Tiktok or Insta. It happens to be true as well.

Would that work?

That’s a good idea. Thank you

What an absolutely disgusting post, absolutely atrocious.

Yes, there are far more debilitating conditions, and plenty of us who have both ADHD and other more debilitating conditions. I have degenerative disk disease, sciatica, severe chronic pain, hypermobility, arthritis, asthma, migraine and Autism. I use crutches or a wheelchair to get around. Take a butt load of medications just to function through the day.

you know which one causes me the most difficulty day to day? The ADHD.. because it pervades through EVERY part of my day, more than my pain does. It affects my sleep routine (delayed sleep phase syndrome and insomnia) it affects my short term memory (forgetting to take my medications) it affects my moods, it stops me from eating, from going to the bathroom.

You have NO fucking idea what you're talking about. Kindly don't, just fucking don't.

This is great advice.

I’ve never met a normal person in my life! we are all neurodivergent.

i would keep away from your friend until she calms down.

ADHD is diagnosed when the behaviours that everyone has some aspects of impact their day to day in a way that is dysfunctional and disabling.

I’ve never met a normal person in my life! we are all neurodivergent.

Oh dear. This comment just highlights your absolute ignorance of what ADHD and other ND conditions are and the calamitous effects they can have. I would also be a bit careful about bandying around the 'normal' word.

The referral pathway I use at work doesn’t have an option to refer urgently. Unless, obviously, someone was becoming depressed due to their ADHD, in which case they would be seen sooner for their depression. But they’d still wait for the ADHD assessment.

I took it as a reference to the increased awareness and diagnosis of the condition leading to more and more people identifying with the traits. I take this poster to be questioning how many people would actually be judged 'NT' if they explored it and paid for diagnosis, and that there's a tipping point where if ND people start to equal or outnumber NT people, we will need to reframe our definitions and rethink what 'typical' is. It an interesting point imo.

Perhaps she'd be better off making new more understanding friends.

‘No, I don't like ignorant and ableist opinions, you're right.

You said ADHD "may or may not exist" despite it being a recognised psychiatric disorder.’

Doctors used to diagnose ‘hysteria’ in women, not as a one off reaction but an entrenched condition. it was a ‘recognised psychiatric disorder’, used to explain ‘awkward or untoward female behaviour ‘ . Do you think anyone who maybe didn’t accept that as a valid condition was ignorant and ableist? Or perhaps they just had an open and inquisitive mind, which helped to overthrow a particular ‘ psychiatric ‘ shibboleth.

Apples and oranges.

The urgent/routine referral was our experience for both ASD and ADHD assessment. We're in NI though, so maybe it's a bit different here. DS1 has been waiting four years for his ASD assessment😬

Sorry that last comment was to @MumblesParty🙂

But the thing is. I'm pretty sure I could get a diagnosis from a doctor, they don't know me. I know a lot about adhd having supported clients through assessments. But also if you watch enough reels and look at websites it's quite easy to say all the right things to get the diagnosis. I believe lots of people convince themselves they do all the things

I have no idea what you mean, unless it is that one condition exists, and the other doesn’t? But who is the judge of that?

Current opinion is obviously that ‘hysteria ‘ was a discriminatory and incorrect diagnosis and condition, but current opinion at the time thought it was perfectly scientific and logical.

I obviously have no opinion on the validity of individual diagnosis , and I have no firm opinion of the validity of any of the current ‘psychiatric ‘ conditions. But I keep an open mind, because history tells us that not everything defined by the medical profession is inalienably correct.

I completely agree with this. The amount of threads on here that start with "I'm undiagnosed "ASD/ADHD" is astounding. It seems really disrespectful to those who actually do have it and as you say are taking services and support from them. It just feels like it's almost trendy to say now which is really demeaning for actual sufferers imo

She would bore me shitless and I'd see her as little as possible. I couldn't care less if she has ADHD or not, people talking about themselves excessively is dull.

People with clinical depression cannot “crack on” with it. I say this as a professional. Exercise is one small part of recovery from depression, yes but “going to the gym” is rarely the answer.

This isn’t disability top trumps either. I am sure 99% of people with ADHD do not believe it is the most debilitating condition but it might feel and indeed be extremely debilitating in their life. It is not a value judgement on other conditions.