To be FURIOUS with DP

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Me and my Dp together five years we have a 2yo DS. I'll cut right the chase.. a few weeks ago whilst we were getting ready to go out I said to DP just watch DS while I nip the car to take some things out. I didn't shut the door properly on accident and when I came back DS had escaped and was half way up the road with no shoes on!! DP just stood there in the lounge completely oblivious!! I ran after DS and bought him back and I went mad at DP. He said it's your fault cos you left the door open, I had left the room so it's not my fault, an argument ensued and his defence was DS is not his responsibility, he wasn't watching him and I should have been more careful with the door even though he was sat right in the chair when I left?!

Tonight, again, I've said I'm just popping to the shop across the road, please watch DS for me. Low and behold, I come back and as I'm approaching I can see the front door is open, I immediately knew what had happened. Legged it across the road, almost got hit by a car, to see dp sat on his phone and DS no where to be seen, a frantic search and my neighbors who had just arrived home had found him wandering between parked cars just at the sound of our house. DS completely oblivious and living his best life smiling and laughing while I'm crying. Dp sat on his phone... Again, he said you must have left the door open or not pushed it too so it clicks. So it's your fault, I was looking at my phone. I said he literally would have to walk past you to go out the front door how did you let this happen again!! Same old, it's not my responsibility, you left the door open, I didn't see him blah blah blah.

I'm FURIOUS. Aibu?? This is the second time this has happened in similar circumstances. I've challenged DP on the fact that DS has never escaped or anything in my care. His defense is he is oblivious and doesn't even notice people he knows in the street etc. Which is poor!!

Our relationship is already a bit strained after me threatening to split up a few nights ago because of behaviour like this, not caring enough about DS, being involved, treating me like shit etc but thats another matter.

Opinions please and just talk down really, DS safely tucked up in bed now but I'm frantic and panicking it could have been so much worse. I can't stop crying. I'm terrified one of my neighbors will call the police or SS or something!!!

Reflect on closing the door properly.

I hope it isn’t this but I don’t know if I would rule out the dark arts of narcissistic rage, OP.

He knows you want to leave. Is he just punishing you while pretending to be feckless/blaming you I wonder…. You need to be very, very careful with this guy I think. He can’t be trusted with your child but maybe not for the reason you think.

Um, no.

"I don't know, I wasn't at home. When I left, I informed my partner that I was going to the shops, and that DS would need to be watched."

Why would you not lock the door when you go out to prevent this from happening? I'm actually blown away that he got out once and you still don't actually lock the door when you go out.. am I missing something here?? How stupid do you have to be to let this happen twice, why did you not lock the door when you went to the shop? Do you realise how lucky you are that nothing happened? And all you two are bothered about is shouting at each other in front of the child instead of coming up with a solution.. brilliant.

At the end of the day, at 2 years old you should not have to have eyes on your child every second of every day, your house should be safe enough that they can't come to harm if you go in the other room to make a drink or use the toilet or have to make a phone call.. it's the reason that you use baby gates, tie up blind cord and lock doors! It's basic basic stuff.

I think there's some common sense missing from this household altogether.

What car?

I think you're both as much to blame as each other. Your partner clearly wasn't watching your son properly but you left the door open on both occasions!

Yes I am the same. I've certainly got on with stuff in one room while 2yo DD potters around the house (including upstairs) and it never occurs to me that she'd be falling down the stairs or getting knives out. We got rid of any stair gates ages ago. I feel that she's safe in the house without me on constant watch (though she might make a mess) and I know she'd never end up on the road because the door would never be left open (it locks as long as it's pushed shut).

And shut the front door securely.

OP left the front door open. The child would not have been playing in traffic if the door had been closed. He would have been toddling around the sitting room, kitchen and other traffic free rooms.

DP fucked up, OP fucked up first.

This.

And if he knows about the wonky door, then it makes his appalling lack of care even worse.

He has checked out of the relationship, OP.

Parenting two children here op

I'd end it

He’s an idiot but you do hold some blame I’m afraid, why didn’t you lock the door behind you the 2nd time given what happened the first time? You’re both very lucky no harm came to your child. I think your DH is an idiot and you’d be better off without that kind of ‘help’. I wouldn’t leave him with him again as there’s no going back if there’s an accident.

you think a parent would do that? Then go and sit down again? I think that’s a stretch even for these fathers who do very little. He could have been killed, on both occasions

You 'ask' him to watch your son. He is the father FFS.

I like the idea of you taking his phone but you should not need to ask anything.

I'm just trying to get through all the replies and comments. Thank you everyone for your opinions and points of view. Yes some are quite harsh but I don't blame you, I would be the same if the show was in the other foot.

I can accept some blame as quite obviously I was careless not shutting the door properly, at the time I could have sworn I pulled it too until it clicked so I'm not sure what the hell happened. However my front door is in my sitting room, Dp was sat in a chair less than a meter from the front door. Yes I may have been careless and I'm not entirely blameless but the fact that DS was able to waltz PAST him and out the door and not get noticed is what's made me so angry and the "it's not my responsibility". When it happens last time, we were about to leave the house, I assumed dp would be getting DS ready when I went to the car and again not just let him waltz out the door.

DP has another son(not mine) who is 7 and much more self sufficient and would never dare say he is not his responsibility, I think because he requires much less watching etc.

I'm still very angry today, dp thinks all is okay and has basically forgotten about the whole situation. I'll be taking measures today in the mean time to get new stair gates and enforce a door closed/locked policy at all times. I've barely slept because Ive been frantic with worry and playing it over and over in my head.

Do would never purposefully do this. He lacks complete common sense sometimes in various situations, he doesn't think into things as much as me despite being very intelligent.

Are you OK? Are you literally for real. It may be my main job as a main caregiver but accidents happen and known my mistakes, I don't sit there and say "oh it's not my responsibility".
Ridiculous.

I hope he does leave me. Would make the logistics alot bloody easier. If I knew he would let me keep the house I would have gone already to be fair!

Not his responsibility? It's his bloody child!!!!

I'd be raging too.

So your solution to living with a man who YOU think puts his child at risk by not watching him all the time is presumably:

A, Go back to work and be a single mother and be doubly-knackered thus meaning your attention is off.
Or,

B, Burden the taxpayer just because your ex is a bit unaware and you're not haaa-py.

Christ, you know what, if a guy is outright abusive I am pleased my taxes go towards helping women escape, but in your situation I am not.
Why should I pay for women to leave guys they're a bit miffed with?

Unless your dp is downright abusive, which he is not, he'll get time with your son anyway!! When you're not there!

Instead of helping him with his absent-mindedness, you want to leave and put your son through the often times shit upbringing of single motherhood.

I think as a sahp, your job is looking after ds etc in your p's absence, but it's a shared responsibility when he is there. Especially when he is RIGHT THERE in the room with ds.

Potterswheelie is definitely not ok.

Aah so having a house trumps everything. I see... That's a bit gold diggerish.

Like I said, I don't believe he meant that for a second.