To be FURIOUS with DP

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Me and my Dp together five years we have a 2yo DS. I'll cut right the chase.. a few weeks ago whilst we were getting ready to go out I said to DP just watch DS while I nip the car to take some things out. I didn't shut the door properly on accident and when I came back DS had escaped and was half way up the road with no shoes on!! DP just stood there in the lounge completely oblivious!! I ran after DS and bought him back and I went mad at DP. He said it's your fault cos you left the door open, I had left the room so it's not my fault, an argument ensued and his defence was DS is not his responsibility, he wasn't watching him and I should have been more careful with the door even though he was sat right in the chair when I left?!

Tonight, again, I've said I'm just popping to the shop across the road, please watch DS for me. Low and behold, I come back and as I'm approaching I can see the front door is open, I immediately knew what had happened. Legged it across the road, almost got hit by a car, to see dp sat on his phone and DS no where to be seen, a frantic search and my neighbors who had just arrived home had found him wandering between parked cars just at the sound of our house. DS completely oblivious and living his best life smiling and laughing while I'm crying. Dp sat on his phone... Again, he said you must have left the door open or not pushed it too so it clicks. So it's your fault, I was looking at my phone. I said he literally would have to walk past you to go out the front door how did you let this happen again!! Same old, it's not my responsibility, you left the door open, I didn't see him blah blah blah.

I'm FURIOUS. Aibu?? This is the second time this has happened in similar circumstances. I've challenged DP on the fact that DS has never escaped or anything in my care. His defense is he is oblivious and doesn't even notice people he knows in the street etc. Which is poor!!

Our relationship is already a bit strained after me threatening to split up a few nights ago because of behaviour like this, not caring enough about DS, being involved, treating me like shit etc but thats another matter.

Opinions please and just talk down really, DS safely tucked up in bed now but I'm frantic and panicking it could have been so much worse. I can't stop crying. I'm terrified one of my neighbors will call the police or SS or something!!!

Tonight, again, I've said I'm just popping to the shop across the road, please watch DS for me.

The whole dynamic of your relationship, is summed up in this one sentence. Why is he watching his own son "for you"? He takes zero responsibility for his own child. Your son could have been killed tonight and he doesn't even care.

I would just leave him, and I wouldn't allow any unsupervised access to the child, as he can't be trusted.

I think phones are turning some people into absolute zombies.

Happily nowadays most of us have accepted that women do not have to stay in unhappy and unsatisfactory relationships.

But not all apparently...

I think phones are turning some people into absolute zombies.

Absolutely! take a walk down a city centre street - full of phone zombies you have to dodge round!

Tonight, again, I've said I'm just popping to the shop across the road, please watch DS for me.

"Please watch DS for me"? Why for you??? It's his child too is it not?!

an argument ensued and his defence was DS is not his responsibility

Huh? His 2 year old son isn't his responsibility? Sorry but I would leave him for this and this alone. You're essentially a singe parent. He doesn't give a shit about his own child.

I quoted the same line. Very odd to ask the father of your child "please watch him for me".

Sounds like an awful relationship and he sounds like a shit - and irresponsible - parent.

But still the poster has a point, the responsibility is at least 50/50 and in my opinion it's the person who leaves the door opens that carries the higher share.

I don't watch my 2yo at all times when he is in the house, there would definitely be periods of 2 min where he is out of sight. It's ok because the house is safe and secured... unless an adult makes it unsafe by leaving the door open!

That said, your husband not caring/interacting with his kid, and not being concerned that he was out on the road on his own is a big an issue as well.

I think it more unreasonable that she made the same mistake twice (not making sure door is locked) than taking his eyes off his son for a few moments.

Surely the former is the worse 'crime'?

You see with the DP any harms are potential and not yet happened, with her, though, the event that followed from her actions DID lead to real trouble yet she did not make sure it didn't happen again.

The kid is not any safer with her over him.

That's just a fact.

Yet he's the only villain here? I just don't get it.

They may as well split up, though, they both sound immature and not the sort of people who'll put their differences aside like adults to discuss the well being of their child.

ODFOD!

but why didn't you LOCK it?

You are completely ignoring this question, when you go to bed at night do you just 'click' the 'faulty' door shut or do you make sure it is locked and secured?

@sandyhappypeople , even if the door was locked, the child's father was not taking responsibility for the child, and that is the issue.

"His defense was DS was not his responsibility"

The relationship is done for me with this one single sentence!

As far as I am aware he cannot unlock the door or even open it himself when it is clicked so why would I lock it when his dad is sat 4 foot away from the door and in the same room as my DS. I've never felt the need to lock the door behind me when another adult is present within 2 foot.

But you knew your son had managed to get out of the door the first time you didn't shut it properly, so surely you should have been extra vigilant after then and checked that it was closed properly whenever you went out after that time - not just for your son's safety but for the general security of the house and so you don't invalidate your household insurance.

It really isn't the issue at all.. the door being unlocked is what would get that child killed.

The father not taking responsibility for the child in a safe secure house for 5 minutes would not lead to that child's death.

To clarify, I'm not disputing the fathers uselessness, but anyone can have a momentary lapse of attention on the child and a unlocked door which leads straight out on to a road is just stupid of both of them.

@Growlybear83 , how does leaving a front door unlocked when there is an adult who is awake in the house invalidate the household insurance?

So the main reason that brought you to make the post makes you both seem like negligent parents.

But your DP sounds checked out so you should end it.

@sandyhappypeople , you miss my point. Even if the door was locked the child was left unsupervised. There are dangers in every household, and no 2-year old should be left unsupervised.

The child's father was in the house but couldn't be arsed to mind his own child.

I was just about to say the same thing.
Irrespective of whether the Op left the door open , a two year old should not be left unsupervised. He could have eaten something and choked, he could have banged his head etc.
The child’s father wasn’t looking after his ds

But if you think you have shut the door TWICE now, and he's got out then he obviously CAN open the door can't he? You should lock it because it leads straight out in to the street, and the hazard is there, regardless of who is supposed to be watching him. You know he wants to follow you, you know the dad is irresponsible, so the risk is actually greater when you leave.

Would you leave a sharp knife in the child's reach, then blame his dad when he stabs himself with it, even though you left it out?

Lock the fucking door, it takes 2 seconds.

Maybe I didn't word that as well as I could have. I realise the insurance would not be invalidated when the partner was up and about in the situation that she has described, but the OP's posts made it sound as though she is very flippant about locking the front door properly in general, and if the door wasn't locked properly at night or when the house is empty, then that would be an issue with the insurance.

From your subsequent posts OP, I think we have all got a better idea of your home's layout. No hallway, street door straight into living room, H sitting a few feet away from the door. I can see now how bad it is that your child just left without your H noticing. His mind really was elsewhere.

She accidentally messed up on the door, a 5 second lapse of judgement. He consciously chose not to check on his sons safety for minutes.

Its the equivalent of her forgetting to check her blind spot and him choosing not to use his mirrors for an entire journey. One is an accident that could happen to anybody, the other is actively careless.

Just close the fucking door. Problem solved.

If I was doing something with a knife, put it on the table and said 'dh can you watch ds while I run loo' it would be dh fault just like it is in this situation as he was asked specifically to watch the child and he didn't. Although I think he purposely let child out or watched him leave to guilt op into thinking it was her fault.

I'm not missing your point, you don't have to have your eyes on a 2 year old constantly, you should be aware of where they are and what they are doing at all times, but you don't have to sit there literally watching their every move, every second of the day. As they get older and older, the responsibility is on you as parents to make sure the child can't come to harm in their home environment, by knowing what the risks are, having an unlocked door straight out on to a pavement/road is a massive risk and both OP and her partner are completely oblivious to it, and OP is even now arguing that she doesn't need to lock it because he can't open it??

If that child dies on the road they would both be equally to blame.. her and him for leaving it unlocked knowing he wants to follow her and can open the door, and him for not watching him adequately, when he knows the risk is there.

So maybe that makes him the worse of the two, but as parents they both have a responsibility to keep that child safe and they are BOTH failing at this point.