To think we should go as a family to lunch with my boss

[OopsyDaisie]

I'm the breadwinner in the family and have 2 small DC. Upper management in a small-ish company.
I'm quite friendly with my boss (although wouldnt class us as friends), who has a small DC and a DP. We work together foe many years, wish happy birthday to each other kids etc
Boss has invited me and my family for lunch at their house in a couple of weeks, another colleague (who is single and no DC) will also be going.
My DH doesn't want to go, says he can't stand it and it's fake and there's always an ulterior motive (ti gauge how commitment I am to the company, how happy, to try to convince said colleague to join our department etc).
He told me I should go with the kids and come up with an excuse for him not joining. I said that's OK if he doesn't want to go, that's fine its his decision. He plays a sport on Sunday morning (not every Sunday), so I would just say he i doing that. He then said I actually should go alone and not take the kids either, but then "oh but then we will have nowhere to leave the kids if I'm playing" (we have no family around) and O just said then he couldnt play that day if that's the case.
I'm not TOO happy about being told not to take the kids, we were invited as a family and I would like us to go as one. I think these social interactions do help careers and I could use that!
But also wouldn't terribly mind to have a nice lunch and some wine without being called Mummy-mummy every 2 mins, although I would have to lie as I wouldn't want to say simply my DH wanted me to come by myself. So:
YABU - its your job and should be kept separate from family life. Your DH is right to want you to go alone
YANBU - Your DH should understand the impact of these (very rare) social interactions in your career and should want to go in your support.

This is a normal thing supportive spouses do for each other to help them get on professionally.

your DH is being unreasonable and is either ignorant or willfully trying to jeopardise your job. I’d give him short shrift - he should suck it up and give up three hours of his life to support you, your success being in his interest.

This is a really weird response to a very normal situation.

Totally agree @OlPackingTape . there are a lot of people on this thread who seem to be putting their own weird spin on what is a pleasant, social occasion, and what is perfectly normal in many workplaces.
I'm sorry for the posters who have had experiences that make them so bitter, but people should be able to understand that not every workplace is like that.

What sort of saddo do you think WANTS to spend the weekend with their boss

@HelenWheels Yes he is doing a sport most Sundays anyway, which led me to the AIBU... I now doind out that it WILL be happening on the Sunday of the lunch, so I'll put my foot down on raking the kids and hope he doesn't create a problem...

Someone who likes their boss? Are you very young? This seems like the kind of attitude I might have had when I was 17.

Well, firstly, no-one is talking about "spending the weekend". It is lunch. On one of the days. The only time this year, not a regular thing.

But, I would quite happily go for lunch with my colleague, who is also my friend, as well as being the one that stepped forward when the Manager's post became vacant. She was my friend before she took on the Manager's role and I saw no reason to then change the relationship.
I don't think I'd be described as a 'saddo' by anyone who knew me.
I also still meet former colleagues from over 30 years ago for lunch about once a year - including the boss, until she passed away.

My mum regularly went for lunch - and sometimes dinner, or parties - with her boss. Usually I went as well. And she came to ours. We helped her paint her living room, she helped us move house. This carried on long after they both left the company - because they were friends who actually liked each other. It does happen.

But why would it be a problem what you choose to do with the kids while he is out playing his sport? Sorry I just really don’t get it. Of course he shouldn’t have to go if he doesn’t want to (though I think it is sad he doesn’t want to go and support you). But I can’t fathom why he thinks he can control whether the kids go?! And why he’d want to?

It is possible to acknowledge that that some people genuinely want to spend their family weekends with their bosses family but it is not weird to also acknowledge the power imbalance in such requests.

A boss might think they are liked but actually their employees are just putting on the rictus grin on a daily basis because it is their boss. A boss can get a very skewed impression at work. I am both a subordinate and a manager in my company so see it both ways.

I agree with the unwelcome American concept of your employer as your family. The same employer who can dismiss you at will in the US. Now That is Weird.

What sort of saddo do you think WANTS to spend the weekend with their boss

I can’t believe this thread is still going and people are still behaving like teenagers about a very normal and non mandatory request.

Some people enjoy the company of their colleagues or employer and it doesn’t make them a “saddo” (such a teenage word). Some people also understand that it might help their career prospects to sacrifice a couple of hours every once and in a blue moon.

The saddo is the person with the fixed mindset and the 1950s perception of what work involves. Oh and the total lack of ambition.

Omg your (D)H sounds absolutely precious and entitled. He needs to suck it up and go make nice. These things absolutely make a difference. Has he never worked a day in his life? Whether you're the main breadwinner or not, I'd be profoundly depressed if my spouse did this on principle.

Is this still going?

The saddo is the person with the fixed mindset and the 1950s perception of what work involves. Oh and the total lack of ambition

Those of you with ambition should be grateful to those who don't have it. Work is a pyramid and we can't all sit at the top. The alpha people need people to do the actual work while they spend the day weekends schmoozing.