Upset DH wants to holiday without me

[Staywildandwander]

I’m very emotional about this and it’s bringing back a little bit of PTSD. I need some outside perspective.

A few months ago DH told me his parents wanted to take our DS on holiday next year in June (he will be 20 months old). This is without us. I said no because he is a fairly clingy baby (although has got less so as time has gone on) He doesn’t see grandparents much- we’re a busy family (I have 2 other children and we do things on a weekend). We go over maybe once a month for a couple of hours, they don’t come to see us, so they don’t have a great bond.

I told DH that I thought this was unreasonable. Grandparents have countered this by saying DH can go too. Plus they have never asked any other parent of a grandchild they’ve just taken them (Two grandchildren in care and one lived with them for 3 years) so completely different scenarios. I can’t go as I work in a school and it’s during term time. I said I thought this was unfair as they would know I wouldn’t be able to go. DH has said it’s not fair to make them pay more to go in school holidays just so I can go. I agreed but said I also don’t need to let my DS go without me. I think it’s unreasonable. I’m his primary care giver, he comes to me when he learns something new, when he’s upset or when he wants something.

The holiday has been booked with DS as he doesn’t cost anything and DH is on too. He has said that if I don’t want DS to go he won’t take him but has also said I’d be really selfish not to allow him to go. DH has said he wants to go because this might be the last time he ever holidays with parents (he has only ever been on one holiday for a few days with them as far as I know). For clarity we can afford to go on holiday ourselves and have been away this year so it’s not like if he doesn’t go he won’t get a holiday.

I am really fearful of DS going, I know DH can look after him for a few hours (never had to do more) but a week is a long time for a baby to go without his mum and me without him. I don’t want a break from him, I don’t need a break from him.

I’m also upset that DH would want to go for a week without me. He complains we don’t see each other enough as it is.

Am I being unreasonable. Everytime I think about it I get upset and it’s almost 12 months away!!

Agree.

A week is a long time at that age.

My DC is secondary age and I've not spent a whole week away from him yet.

Debatable, I would never let my ex take my kids on holiday, he couldnt look after them properly on a day trip, he left the then 5yr old in the toilet at a busy theme park and forgot he had kids with him for nearly half hour. One of the many reasons he's an ex, he stopped contact when youngest was 8 as it was too hard work. Step dad is a different story I would of happily sent all the kids away on a holiday with him. She's baby's parent and husband has agreed if shes not comfortable with baby going he'll go on his own. She may feel differently nearer the time.

I'm sorry but I don't care who it is, you're not going to dictate to me where my child is or isn't going when you only have a superfical relationship with said child and thats only because it's facilated by me and husband.

Would grandparents ever see the child if your husband didnt arrange to meet up with them or didn't take the child every time ?
Them adding on husband is to make sure they get what they want and it seems to not lose face with their friends. Are they only taking grandchild to be a play mate for their friends grandchild?
You know none of the details of this holiday before they even asked you if child could go with them. You still know nothing about it. Staying in a hotel is different from an air bnb.
My mum used to look after my eldest 5 mornings a week and she would never dream of "telling" me she'd booked a holiday and was going to take him.
It would be a hard no from me.

" it's bringing back a little bit of PTSD"??? Don't bandy that phrase around if you don't actually have it. And 'a little bit'? You've either got it or you haven't?